The Off-Track Routine.
I woke up late this morning, after 10 a.m. and wrote it off as I must have needed the sleep. Usually early in the morning, right around dawn, I wake up with a million thoughts racing around in my head. Things I need to get done, things I should have gotten done, things I want to do, things I have to do, and all things related in between. Add to that WS’ obsessive worries about our budget and finding a no-cost startup business idea to bring in additional income, something he’s voiced wanting to do for the past twenty years. Worrisome thoughts, they all are. But I’m still tired (falling asleep well after midnight night after night will do that) so I don’t get up. I basically talk myself back to sleep and most of the time, it works. A basic meditation technical that focuses on breathing and nothing else. Harder than it sounds but very effective, unless too many thoughts fill my head and then I toss and turn for hours.
Today, having gotten up late and missed WS who apparently went into the office of which ought to be disappearing in few short weeks (no one knows yet because the company still isn’t talking), I made coffee and worked on convincing myself I didn’t want to eat everything in the house before 11 a.m. It’s a daily struggle because I love food, more so some days than others, and for the most part, mind over matter wins and I keep it under control. My current weight and lowering body fat content reflects the wins. I need to concentrate on that more often.
I make out daily meal plans using FitDay.com and that keeps me on track because ninety-nine point eight percent of the time, I stick to them. I look ahead to the time of day I’m most effective at getting my workout and treadmill walking in and discover I don’t want to do either of those either. What is it about today that’s got me feeling so blah?
"I feel rundown, apathetic, tired and jittery at the same time, weak,
and easily swayed by thoughts of giving up."
Most likely, it’s a combination of things. A) I ate sugar both days of the weekend and this always makes me feel very much less-than-productive 24-48 hours afterward, not to mention makes me crave more sugar for that long too. I feel rundown, apathetic, tired and jittery at the same time, weak, and easily swayed by thoughts of giving up.
B) I only worked out two days last week, both weak workouts at that, choosing instead to recover from the long, hot, driving trip to Redding and back and prepared for last weekend’s town cruise. When I deviate from the routine, deviation becomes the routine. It’s harder than hell to get back on track. Ugh, I hate that cycle.
So I made a late breakfast around noon, the time I’m usually working out during which I watch the noon news to take my mind off what I’m actually doing. Time flies as does the exercising when I do this. For breakfast, I usually have a protein shake (low whey content protein powder made with water at 50 calories) and plain, black coffee over ice (zero calories). Sometimes I’ve have a single serving of Egg Beaters made into a plain omelet (a quarter cup at 30 calories). Early in the day, I’m all about plain, low calorie food, day in and day out; this doesn’t get old to me. Late afternoon and evening dinner is when I have to exert extra control so I feel better about myself and my choices on the following day – I sucked at this yesterday and my weight reflected that this morning.
Official Blogeois Whining icon.
That’s got to be it. I need a goal. But here’s the thing: I have a goal, two in fact. In October, WS’ childhood best friend is visiting for the first time in four years. He’d gained a sizeable amount of weight the last time we saw him. In June, he began a daily workout routine in part to help his heavily obese girlfriend lose weight. Online, he’s already voiced determination to look good in October.
In November, I’m committed to help work a local convention in Portland. Last year I felt good going into the same event at a heavier weight than I am now. For years before that, I felt like a fat toad squashed in the road.
Who wouldn’t want to look their very best for either of those occasions? The problem as best as I can figure is that those goals are ‘too far away,’ meaning my head thinks I have plenty of time to prepare…with plenty of goofing off time beforehand. If I listened to my body, I’d know better. Wouldn’t it be better to feel good then, looking good and knowing I stuck to the routine? How superior would I feel then? How pathetic would I feel then if I slacked off now?
I think I’m running into a slight, long-term burnout dilemma even though I’ve planned on this being a long-term thing. More than likely, this is just a single day episode of apathy.
I think this is my mother’s voice telling me I’m meant to be fat like she was.
I think I’m still tired.
I think I’m listening to my whiny head too much and need to listen to today’s quiet body instead.
I need to focus on how good I’ll feel tomorrow, heck, later today, after I’ve done the workout and walking because beating one’s self up over doing nothing is a waste of time that could have, should have, been better spent doing the damned exercise in the first place.
[Editor’s note: An hour after completing this journal entry, I had finished my workout and walked/run 1.60 miles. Tonight I’ll workout with WS on his 25-minute routine. How’s that for kicking myself in the rear and feeling better about one’s self?]
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Today’s exercise: 1.60-mile walk/run at 20:00/14:38-mile pace, level 4 incline. Day 19 of Jillian Michael’s “Making The Cut” 30-day workout program, Round 2.
Today’s weigh-in: 148.8, up from last weekend’s ‘Race Weight’ of 147.4.
