2002 Archive

2002 Archive – 87,960 words.

04/17/2002 – 12/31/2002

April 2002

04/17/2002

In the Positive column: A red finch couple has decided to build a nest and hatch their eggs on our house close to the front door. This is a good feng shui thing and brings good luck. Our front door faces south and both the color red and a bird symbol facing south is also a good luck thing.

In the Negative column: There is quite a bit of bird shit all over out there. I believe this cancels out the feng shui/good luck thing.

Early this morning, our car insurance agency called me and asked about my upcoming car purchase, the first new car purchase I have ever attempted to make. This was strange because I hadn’t told anyone I was buying a car. My husband may have inquired about the insurance costs of said car should we decide to buy one, but that was it. I played the innocent and claimed to not know anything about it. Was I supposed to believe this call was really from our car insurance agency?

We purposely aren’t telling anyone about this car because, and I mentioned it previously, I work with a lot of immature, petty, and jealous people who spend too much time trying to derail other people’s lives, just for the fun of it. There is no love lost between my co-workers and myself. My boss, her husband, a roommate, and a couple of friends, all co-workers, look forward to finding new ways to “help” other co-workers lose their jobs, especially if those other co-workers aren’t part of their little clique. Really. See? I told you they were immature. Losing my job right now wouldn’t be fun and would definitely derail my car purchase.

In the Postive column: Even if my co-workers find out about the car purchase, and they will eventually after I get it, I’ll still have the car and they won’t.

In the Negative column: I could eventually lose my job.

In the Positive column: I won’t be working with this bunch of losers anymore.

In the Negative column: I may have a hard time finding another job that pays enough to afford corvette car payments and insurance right away.

I have also been unable to share my car purchase plans with my few friends. When I first decided to buy it, I shared this info and was met with cold shoulders and snubs, making me question my choice in friendships. Turns out, my friends are all being hit with hard financial times and personal relationship breakups. Turns out, they admitted they are jealous too and don’t care to hear about my plans.

In the Postive column: I’m not giving up buying a corvette over friendships.

In the Negative column: I’ll never feel comfortable driving the car around these friends if they feel this way about it.

In the Positive column: I’ve never needed friends before and I won’t need friends now if this is the way they feel about it. I can find new friends.

In the Negative column: I get a lot of grief when I admit I haven’t a friend to my name.

Just called the car salesperson: My car was built and taken to the railroad yard yesterday. Expected arrival date here: Second week of May. It’s really sad that I have to share this with anyone whom might happen along to read this, instead of “friends” who don’t want to hear it. Thanks for reading.

04/18/2002

Had a good talk with my husband this morning before he left for work and he feels the same way as I do about “friends” and how we’re getting the cold shoulders from them all now (see yesterday’s post) over an upcoming car purchase. Since all these friends are co-workers of my husband, he sees them on a daily basis and he told me that the cold shoulder treatment isn’t just shown around mention of the car. It seems this has been going on for a while now over a few other items, in particular, the topic of not wanting to go out to lunch everyday with a group of employees.

We both feel the same about lunch at work: While nice, lunch can be expensive especially if done more than once a week so neither one of us rarely participate. This has become a sore spot apparently with some of his co-workers. More often than not, when he tells them he isn’t doing lunch anymore, the co-workers persist and offer to buy him lunch. It gets so bad, he often gives in and goes along, but then owes the co-workers the cost of a lunch, necessitating yet another lunch out. When he stands his ground, he gets an even heavier cold shoulder treatment. This is where things stand now.

In the Positive column: He doesn’t need “friends” that pressure him to spend money when he doesn’t want to.

In the Negative column: He does need to work with these people. For a few more years, anyway.

In the Positive column: He can be very disciplined.

In the Negative column: He can be very disciplined….if he wants to be.

I’ve named the birds who have built their nest outside our front door. Lulu and Bill. I’ll name the offspring later maybe. I really don’t like this time of year, baby-bird season, because we have a couple of cats in our neighborhood who kill everything in sight and usually leave the leftovers in our backyard. I usually bury up to 50 carcasses a year and have talked to the cat owners in vain. The owners all believe it is “natural” for house cats to live outside and kill things (note: I didn’t say the cats eat everything. They just get off on the killing part then leave the bodies). If this was “natural”, they wouldn’t be called HOUSE cats, they’d be called KILLING MACHINES. We’ve spent countless dollars on motion detector sprinkers systems and alarm systems and as a last resort, have sprinkled pepper in various areas they frequent, all to no effect. Frustrating. If they end up stalking Lulu and Bill or their offspring, things could get ugly.

In the Positive column: I could collect all the dead things and dump them daily on the front step of the cat owners’ doors to get the point across. In the Negative column: Since I’ve already talked to these people, they would know who dumped dead things on their property and the police could get involved.

In the Positive column: I have done my research and I do know that if it gets bad enough, I can call the Wildlife department and they will allow the cats to be trapped and removed as nusiance animals killing wildlife.

In the Negative column: The owners wouldn’t have to think too hard to figure out that something happened to their precious killing machines and would be correct in thinking that I had anything to do with it. They could also decide to just get another cat, continuing the problem.

In the Positive column: I wouldn’t have to call on all the cats at once, just one or two, here and there, for as long as it takes.

04/19/2002

It was supposed to be sunny today. Surprise! It wasn’t.

Work should have gone smoothly today and the time should have whizzed by. Surprise! Neither did.

My boss comes back from vacation this weekend. Surprise!….Well, I can dream, can’t I?

In the Positive column: I should have my car in 3 weeks. It’s a pretty phat car.

In the Negative column: I’m going to be a fat, middle aged woman driving a phat car. How much in shape can a person get into in 3 weeks?

In the Positive column: I’ve got weight equipment, a rowing machine, good, non-fatty food in the house and lots of discipline.

In the Negative column: I’ve been craving Baskin’Robbins for 2 solid weeks. Damn that new ice cream ad campaign.

In the Positive column: My husband lets me know that every penny I spend, every single penny, is more money I have to finance for the car.

In the Negative column: Sometimes he can be a real ass.

In the Positive column: He knows I feel this way and yet, he still loves me. Corny, huh?

04/20/2002

Menopause may be knocking on my door today. My period is 10 days early. Or else, the stress of the last month is getting to me. Still…

In the Positive column: I want to embrace menopause. I am so very tired of supporting Proctor and Gamble with my tampon purchases.

In the Negative column: Menopause means no more reproductive ability.

In the Positive column: I don’t like children, never did like children, and never wanted to have any children. Yippee! I won’t have to worry about being breedable anymore!

In the Negative column: I’m really, really craving Baskin ‘N Robbins now…

04/24/2002

2 straight days of company meetings and I’m burnt out for the week. Or at least for today. My husband, who also attended the meetings, is working from home today due to a mild case of food poisoning probably obtained after eating bad donuts that my manager brought to the meetings. Or it could have been the bad juice, or the bad coffee cake, or any number of things she provided. She’s been known to do that in the past. Either she has no concept of refrigeration of things that should be refrigerated or she does it on purpose. I don’t think she has enough brain cells to do it on purpose. Anyway, my husband shouldn’t have been eating anything she brought anyway. He knows better.

2 weeks from today my car should be delivered to the car dealership.

In the Positive column: They’ll take a few days to detail the car and I’ll pick it up on the following bright and sunny Saturday afternoon.

In the Negative column: No doubt, it will be grey, cloudy and pouring rain. I really don’t want to drive a brand new car 25 miles home in the rain, trying to figure out how to un-fog the interior windshield, adjusting windshield wipers, getting used to how the car handles on wet roadways through rush-hour traffic while splashing all kinds of wet and muddy road gunk all over it.

In the Positive column: Maybe the dealership would allow the car to stay there, undriven, until we get a sunny day.

In the Negative column: They may charge me for storage or allow other people to test-drive the car while waiting for me to pick it up. I’ll have to make a long distance phone call to find out.

I was starting to do pretty well in working out and fitting nicely into my levi jeans in preparation for getting my car. In my mind and with this car, image is everything and I wanted to look good. Yesterday though, I went off the wagon and ate a bunch of sugary crap, causing me to oversleep this morning and feel badly constipated now. I must get in some rowing today and a bit of weight lifting. I’m working on building up my upper arms which are naturally large and take well to muscle building. Hopefully, this summer will be filled with warm, sunny days and I’ll feel good driving around in the new car with the top down and feeling good about the way I look instead of my usual “hide under layers of bulky clothing” habit. Living in the NW does that to a person.

04/26/2002

A grey day today. I like grey days. It’s the reason I moved here from somewhere 1700 miles away where standing outside in late April will get you a healthy dose of sunstroke and probably skin cancer to boot. I just don’t want any grey days around May 8th. My car is currently in transist.

Rapper Lisa Lopes died in Honduras car crash. Try as I may (and I do try as part of my job requires listening to all kinds of music), I just can’t stand rap music. Calling her a “borderline genius”? Okay, I didn’t know her personally. It’s possible I guess. I also have a slight problem with people who were once a little out of control with alcohol and anger, but that is more based on my nextdoor neighbor’s weekly weekend destructiveness. More on that later.

My manager once again is talking about how to weezel her husband into working full time for the company we all work for. Currently, he is only authorized to work part time. This means my husband, who does work full time for the same company could be pushed out all because the company CEO likes my manager better and won’t have 2 full time people working in this particular department. The fact that the CEO doesn’t really like my manager’s husband won’t have anything to do with it. It’s not even that the CEO really likes my manager; it’s a loyality thing. My manager was the first employee ever hired for the company. That’s the only reason she was made manager even though she freely admits (and proves daily) that she has absolutely no management skills.

Everytime my manager starts talking about such things it really has nothing to do with actually getting her husband into a full time position. It does mean that things are running too smoothly, co-workers have become comfortable in their duties and it’s time to stir up trouble. I’ve gone through this exact same scenerio for over 3 years now with her and although the end results are slightly different, they all end up badly for someone and company morale is, once again, dashed on the rocks of depression and despair. And the CEO allows it to happen over and over again. It ought to be a wonderful summer.

In the Positive column: My husband has been complaining about working too many hours lately. While he loves working for this company, he does has another job that pays much, much more.

In the Negative column: He really doesn’t like his other job. He is under-appreciated there, as is most all the employees and everyone may be on Lay-Off watch in a couple of months. If he’s to be pushed out of the company I work for then get laid off from his other job, life could get very interesting very quickly. And of course, I just HAD to buy this new car…

In the Positive column: The CEO could continue to just say “No. No more full time hiring”. The company is on a strict spending pinch and has been since last summer. Nothing more is to be spent until January of next year.

In the Negative column: The company just hired an outsource company to do the “grunt” part of our jobs. I guess the CEO found some money to spend. My husband and I both expect to lose our jobs with this company within 3 years due to this decision.

In the Positive column: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I won’t have to work with these pathetic co-workers anymore. Maybe this experience would make for a good book. Oh, the stories I could tell…..

My husband wants us to drive to the coast tomorrow. It’s a couple hour trip and not bad driving at all. I love the coast and hope to live there someday. Unfortunately, it’s supposed to rain all weekend and though I won’t mind it, I don’t think my husband will like it once we get out there. He could surprise me though. He’s been doing that lately and he has been itching to take a long drive together. I’ll try to wrap up work today, working late into the night if I have to, so we can go.

04/29/2002

In the Positive column: It’s an absolutely gorgeous day outside; one of my perfect kind of days: 70-73 degrees, mostly sunny with a very slight breeze. The rhodies and azaleas are blooming along side the tulips and late daffodils, the maples are leafing out and the air is fresh, fresh, fresh!

In the Negative column: It’s another work day and another day of me sitting here trying to look like I’m doing something when in reality, I’m doing little to nothing. I know that the department I work in is changing processes and a day will come when company headquarters will be able to have some kind of remote access to my computer, through my firewall because it will be required for me to keep my job, and will be able to see every keystroke I type, every web site I surf to and every game I may be playing in the background. My supervisor told me so last year and he salivates just talking about when that day will come. I’m trying to enjoy doing nothing while I still can.

In the Positive column: Over the weekend, we ended up driving through Oregon wine country instead of going to the coast. Driving to the coast would have put more miles on my husband’s car, which still isn’t broken in completely yet (he’s about 200 miles short of complete break in), but we’ve never been to the wine areas of Oregon despite buying the equivalent of several cases of various Oregon wines every year. It was relaxing and quite enjoyable and very yuppie-ish in keeping with our current image: owning a new BMW.

In the Negative column: All our neighbors and co-workers have taken to calling us yuppies due to my husband’s recent car purchase. I hadn’t heard that term used so much since the mid 1980′s. In fact, we’ve been named “Skippy and Buffy” by most of our neighborhood. You would think that people could be more creative buy obviously not. I can only imagine what we’ll be called once my car gets delivered next week. Ivana or Leona, perhaps?

In the Positive column: The garage has been cleaned out, ready for my car next week. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and my eyes on the weather channels for sunny, dry skies on delivery day, between May 8th and May 12th. We bought most of the car stuff I’ll need right away: license plate cover and frame, road flares, polish and wax, etc. Thinking back, it’s been 15 years and 2 months since I, myself, owned a car that I paid for and finally, I’m buying a car that I really, really like. How could a person not like that car? Oh, that’s right. You don’t know what kind of car I’m getting yet. The secret is still in the bag due to predicted co-worker reactions. Sorry, I just can’t say anything yet. Soon. I promise.

04/30/2002

In the Negative column: Don’t you just love it when Blogger doesn’t publish your latest entry? And you sit around for a day or two waiting for it to update and people ask you when you’ll be updating and it just never does until you post and publish it yet again, then you have to go in and edit it because it got published multiple times? Yeah, me too.

In the Positive column: There is an Edit button. No excuses. Well, maybe, if a loaded gun was being held to your head and you really didn’t want to die that day. Wait, is that a positive? I don’t think so….lemme try again.

In the Negative column: People have no excuse to not edit their Blogger unless a loaded gun was being held to your head and you felt like dying that day.

Okay, this has just gotten silly. Mornings do that to me sometimes, especially when I’m not awake but logged into work and expected to produce documents and emails that make some kind of sense to the customers. This should give you a rough overdraft of what kind of work most likely goes out in the morning from me. HA! And I get paid for it anyway! Why? Because my bosses are worse! I end up looking like a genius when surrounded by them. Only in America.

May 2002

05/01/2002

Since when did May 1st become Riot Day around the world? Being as I’m an old person, I remember May Day being the day that people leave flowers anonymously at each other’s doors. Since that hasn’t seemed to happen anywhere anytime recently (I haven’t witnessed it in at least 30 years), I guess people must have forgotten and instead created a new “holiday” where yelling in the streets about anything you are pissed off about is okay as is smashing any perceived big corporate business like Taco Bell, McDonald’s and Starbucks. Let’s not talk about how some organizations bus in groups of people to cities that they feel need more May Day marchers. I’m not calling everyone who marches and protests this and that rioters. Rioters just get all the attention. Maybe the marchers should start their protest complains at the local news buildings since they are all owned by huge corporations too.

One week to car arrival. Allegedly. In the Negative column: My car salesman called me to let me know that my car is still scheduled to arrive on May 8th, but that it could be delayed up to 5 days later. This is a slightly higher number of days that he mentioned a couple of weeks ago. I’m willing to bet at this point that the car won’t get here anywhere near May 8th and I haven’t even been mentioning the number of days it will take the dealership to detail the car before I can even get close to it. I’m predicting it will be somewhere around May 17th before I can pick it up for the long drive home.

In the Positive column: That means it’s that much longer before I have to start making car payments. They are sizable car payments. I can wait. I have the patience of the saints sometimes.

My earlier comments on my boss’ husband’s attempts to get hired into the company we all work for was correct. He, now known as “FatHead” for clarification in this journal, is currently “working on” trying to get someone, now called BikerDude for clarification in this journal, to quit. Fortunately, it is not my husband who works full time for this same company. Not yet at least. FatHead came right out and told us this. Probably not the brightest of thinking, but he knows he won’t be punished or lose his part time job over it. The problem with FatHead’s thinking is, BikerDude doesn’t want to quit and isn’t going to quit anytime soon. Since these two people are very good friends, I can only imagine that FatHead is filling BikerDude’s head full of all kinds of crap to get him to quit, or FatHead is working on something behind BikerDude’s back. I add to my original prediction of an “interesting” summer working with these co-workers by including the word “ugly”. I predict it will be an interesting, ugly summer. I can only hope that none of this “attention” will be directed toward me or my husband.

In the Positive column: I seem to be okay in my current job position right now. Haven’t gotten picked on since last summer and haven’t heard anything negative about me through the ever-diminishing grapevine.

In the Negative column: Since I know BikerDude, I’ll probably get emails from him as soon as he finds out what is really going on asking this and that. This is behavior I’ve experienced before and I hate feeling like I’m stuck in the middle, being forced to tell what I know. I don’t lie very well and to be honest, I could care less about FatHead and BikerDude. I think they both are slackers and the company would be better off with replacing them with talented people instead. I don’t know any talented people, but I’d be willing to bet that my boss’, Ms. NoManagementSkills does. She gets a commission off of every person she recommends for hiring which is why she always recommends her friends and family, regardless of skill level.

In the Positive column: I’m getting a nice, new, luxury car. At this point, I just keep telling myself that. I’m getting a car, I’m getting a car. Everything will be OKAY. I’m getting a car…

Also in the Positive column: The landscaper finally called back after a month’s absence. Work on a fountain we want in our backyard begins in June. Let’s hope it goes better than the cement work we had done last summer by a different company, and then had to have re-done due to poor workmanship. I’m hoping the landscaping work will take my mind off my workplace issues.

05/01/2002

Update: My car is in town! A full week early! JOY!! Soon, I can look like a self-indulgent wiener, parking in front of my local Starbucks. In fact, I may be able to pick it up as soon as tomorrow evening.

In the Negative column: It’s supposed to rain tomorrow evening.

In the Positive column: The weathermen here are more wrong than right. Knowing that it certainly will rain sometime this coming weekend, I’m going to do everything I can to pick it up tomorrow anyway. If I have to, I’ll just drive that much slower for the long, 28 mile trip home to the garage. Really, I can’t believe I bought this thing!

05/15/2002

Items of interest over the last 2 weeks:

Got my car. Drove it home immediately and then noticed an area on the door where the detail buffed the paint off down to the metal. Hmmm….just spent nearly 50K on a nice new car only to have the paint screwed up. Waited until it wasn’t raining, a few days, then back 30 miles to the dealership.

Got the car back a week later. It’s beautiful. Drove it around all weekend with the top off and got a slight sunburn. Gee, life is rough. Shortly before the rain came back into town, I parked it in the garage where it is sitting now, waiting for another sunny day. In the area I live in, this might be sometime around July 9th. Mileage so far: 393 miles.

For the last couple of evenings, I’ve had co-workers over for work-related meetings because they couldn’t or wouldn’t hold them at their homes. FatHead and BikerDude. Neither of them opened or looked in the garage and I didn’t tell anyone about my new car. The secret is still intact. I know eventually they will find out and I’ll have to deal with the potential problem of losing my job over their jealousy, but in the meantime, I’m happy enough.

In other crappy co-worker news, FatHead and his wife, my boss MsNoManagementSkills, are going on vacation to another country in a few month with BikerDude. The problem here is, they’re trying to get BikerDude to quit his job so that FatHead can have it. BikerDude still has no clue, clearly, or he wouldn’t be inviting them on vacation with him. They are using him. Typical behavior. This is the kind of work politics I have to deal with 7 days a week. I won’t even mention that I think the company I work for is trying to install SpyWare remotely on all our systems via the software we have to log into every day. If this is truly the case, MsNoManagementSkills is probably reading this while I type it.

Star Wars: Attack of the Clowns Clones opens tomorrow. I hate theatres with all the talking, whispering, kids crying, candy wrappers crackling, sticky floors, cell phones ringing, farting/belching/munching patrons, so because I’m not in a rush to see it, I’ll wait a couple of months down the road. Doesn’t bother me one bit, even when I know everyone and their mother will have shared the entire plot by then. Or I’ll just wait until the first of many different versions comes out on DVD, where it will contain more stuff that what I paid to see in the first place. I hate marketing ideas like that. Yet, consumers are all too willing to shell out their hard earned money for movie tickets, the DVD, the Director’s cut DVD version, the Ultimate DVD version, the “HEY! This is THE BEST ONE to BUY (until we come up with another version with a better title) DVD version.

I’ve been feeling odd the last couple of days. Bloated, gassy (but not gassy enough to get rid of the bloated feeling), and my face has been broken out for the last 2 weeks. I’m 46 years old and would really like to get over the zit stage sometime before I die. I haven’t been eating terribly poorly or changed anything other than to drink more water. I’m drinking nothing but green tea today in hopes I can flush my system. Bathroom trips abound! I really need to get my head in the right place so I can lose a little weight anyway. Weight that stays off. I’m not talking about quick loss and quick regain weight. Just can’t seem to work up the motivation mostly due to work/co-worker problems that just make me want to eat and sleep. I need help.

05/17/2002

Thank goodness, it’s Friday. Technically, I only need to work another 3 hours, until 1:30 pm and I’m done for the week, putting in 40 hours. Unfortunately, I’m salaried and have to sit around here until 5 pm or so, looking like I’m working and being available to lower level employees who might have a question or two about something they probably already know anyway. More likely, my boss will ask me a question that I know for certain that she knows the answer to. It’s her way of checking to see if I’m still here. The uncomfortable part about this little game is that she knows that I know what she’s doing and you would think that after working under her for over 3 years now, and never once have I not been here, she would think me a loyal employee. But nope. That’s just part of what makes her nearly unbearable to work under.

Speaking of crappy jobs and work in general, I was asked the other day via email, after my last update, if I so hate working with my co-workers, why don’t I quit and find another job. Well, that’s a good question and I think I might have a really good answer.

In the Positive column: I “fell” into this particular job because I only sort of knew someone. Someone I really didn’t like and still don’t like to this day. I really didn’t think I’d get the job but I put on a good face and was hired without ever filling out an application, becoming the newly formed company’s employee Number 2. I got to work from home, set my own hours, didn’t have to go to an office or dress the part. I was able to fake my way along pretty good, learning computer stuff all the way in pace with the CEOs who knew little more than me, but I was dedicated and didn’t balk at working 7 days a week, often 16 hours a day. As the company hired another person here and there, I picked up the slack of the new people who turned out for the most part to be slackers. While these long days went unnoticed by my co-workers, it did not go unnoticed by the CEOs, until they hired enough employees to watch over such things instead of the CEOs watching.

In the Negative column: That’s the time when my hard work began to go unrewarded and when employee number 1, my boss, MsNoManagementSkills, was promoted to “manager” only because she was employee number 1. Did I mention that she never liked me? Well, that came as a result of my over willingness to work day after day after day after day. She thought I was trying to show her up, when really, I was only dedicated to my job. I liked it back then. A lot.

So, because the CEOs believe strongly in seniority, they made her manager. Later, they made employee number 3 a manager too and didn’t make me anything other than the hard worker who was willing to pick up the slack. Obviously, they didn’t believe that strongly in seniority, but that’s another story.

In the Positive column: Over the years, I received reasonably good pay raises, not as good as a manager would make, but not terribly bad either. I was moved to salary status with allows me weekends off and to slack a bit and use my time reading computer books, Microsoft .dll web sites, Vanity Fare magazine, whatever I’m itching to read that day. The main point is, is that I’m not done buying stuff or paying for stuff that I just recently bought (the car, a leather couch, a large rug) and until I am done, I’ll keep trying to hold onto this job. My hopes are that my job lasts just as long as it takes me to pay my stuff off. It’ll be close.

In the Negative column: I’m predicting that within 3 years, either my job position will no longer exist, or the company I work for will no longer exist. I know that the CEOs would love nothing more than to get through this dot.com/economy meltdown, make back the money they lost on their personal stock, go IPO, then sell the company to Microsoft or someone big like that. They were almost there a year and a half ago, but just missed the boat. I know they’ll be boarding earlier the next time around.

So, now you know.

In the Positive column: The red finch babies we had living in a nest on our house all left yesterday. I was able to clean up their bird droppings mess and scrub down the house column they lived onto of. Things look much nicer.

In the Negative column: Things are quiet and empty. I felt a little sad and tried looking for the little birds in the yard, across the street, in the street, but couldn’t find anything. The parents, Lulu and Bill, are both gone too and hopefully, teaching their offspring to survive in the big world. I’m trying not to worry about them, as I often worry about animals. I keep telling myself that this is the way nature works.

Nothing planned for the weekend. It’s supposed to be cloudy and cool and my husband has to work anyway. I’ll probably read a few things that I’ve been putting off and maybe do a little home decor window shopping. I’d really like to go to our local Farmer’s Market as I hear it is much better this year than ever before but I haven’t thought too much about it yet. Just another boring, yet non-working weekend in the life of this fat, middle aged woman. Thanks for reading.

05/22/2002

In the Negative column: My husband’s car was hit sometime yesterday while it was parked either at his main place of employment, a restaurant or a grocery store. Big scrape of paint gone on left bumper and the bumper itself is slightly moved. Not terribly noticeable, especially since it’s been raining so much lately, his car was dirty and the scrape looked like road dirt anyway. But, nonetheless, it was hit and he’s completely obsessing over it. He takes it in to get it fixed next week and gets a loaner car for about a week.

In the further Negative column: My car, on the other hand, has a fine mist of tree sap all over the front hood and left fender. Obviously, sometime last week on a sunny day, I drove it through town and got tree sap on it. Tree sap is HORRIBLE to remove without scratching the paint, especially black glossy paint and my only options are to polish, polish and re-polish the hood and fender over and over and over again until it’s finally removed. To date, I have polished the hood 6 times. Half of the sap droplets are gone. I predict exhausted arm and back muscles before it’s all over. OR…

In the Positive column: I could pay 250 bucks to have it professionally detailed and hope they can remove the sap. They’ll then polish and wax the rest of the car, vacuum the interior, wash windows, clean the rims and tires…all that cleaning stuff.

In the Negative column: I’ll have to schedule a time to drive it down there and hope it doesn’t rain that day. I don’t ever plan on driving my car, an investment car, in the rain. I’ll also have to come up with the money at a time when I’m getting ready to have the long-awaited landscaping done in our backyard. I don’t want to cancel that yet again.

In the Positive column: I’ve found a lot of good sites online on helping my motivation to work toward losing weight and getting into shape. I need all the motivation I can get. Summer’s nearly here and I’m 174 pounds as of today. Ugh.

In the Negative column: In order to get down to my goal weight of 130-140 pounds by the end of September (a time frame that I think I can deal with), I’ll have to lose just over 2 pounds a week. That doesn’t sound too bad and not a ridiculous, unreasonably large amount in a short period of time. The problem will be to stay motivated and stay away from triggers: Emotional issues, work depression, fat co-workers who talk about food constantly, my husband who can EAT, more work depression and the slight desire to start visiting anorexia web sites. Also, I hate exercise. Except swimming. Unfortunately, I don’t have a pool or access to any pool. Neither can I afford to have one built. Ever.

In the Positive column: I’m working on trying to modify my thinking to look forward to losing just a bit of weight. My clothes will fit much better with the loss of just 10 pounds and I’ll be able to wear nearly everything I own if I can lose the 44 pounds I want desperately lose by the end of summer. Additionaly, my boss is fat, fat, FAT. She looks just awful on her web cam and if nothing else, she can become my motivatial factor! Does that make me a terrible person?

05/23/2002

In the Positive column today: Drinking LOTS of water and green tea today in an effort to flush out my system. I’m working on improving my eating habits and getting back into shape. I need to make a Eating Trigger list and figure out how to change an Eating Trigger – something or someone who affects me so I want to eat whether I’m hungry or not – into a non-Eating Trigger. For example: I work with some people who whine constantly about being fat and rightly so. They are fat. Because these people do influence my job and how I feel about my job, when these people make my job harder than I think it should be, it triggers me to eat, especially when I’m not hungry. Now, to turn this into a positive thing, a non-Eating Trigger, in some of these people’s cases, they run web cameras online featuring themselves and I regularly check out their images. Trust me when I say either these people need to stop whining about how fat they look and deal with it, or they need to lose some weight, or they need to take their cameras offline. I could use their fatass camera shots as an incentive to watch my eating habits, especially when I’m feeling stressed over something they are doing at work. It could work, but I’ll need to work on it.

Went to bed hungry last night. That was a first in a very long time and I felt great this morning because of it. Or maybe I felt good because I dragged myself out of bed earlier than 12 noon.

In the Negative column: Found a cream-colored cat wandering around in our backyard this morning, wearing a collar and license. That’s a switch. No one in this neighborhood has their cats licensed. We did have some new people move into a house yesterday, so I’m going to assume the cat is theirs. Still, I don’t need another cat checking out the bird activity in the feeders out there. I’ll have to keep an eye on it and get out the water hose if it looks like another problem cat thinks it can stake out a claim.

I’m still resisting taking my car to the detail shop due to upcoming landscaping costs and weather issues. Today is the only day for the next week that is supposed to be dry, so I’ll polish the tree sap areas again and see how much good that does and then, I’ll pencil in a note to myself to get the car detailed sometime mid-summer. I really want to have a couple coats of good wax put over the whole thing so that the next time I drive through dropping tree sap, it shouldn’t be so hard to get it off. Wax is good.

In the Positive column: Half of my workday is over. Technically, I’ll be done at 3 pm, but I have to stick around until 5 or so to answer any questions that might come up from coworkers. Tomorrow, the day before a three day weekend for most of our company, I suspect will be fairly low-key and expect some of my coworkers to take off early.

In the Negative column: Will I take off early? It’s tempting but no. Just can’t allow myself to do it and would only have myself to blame if I got fired because I did it because everyone else did. Of course, that might not matter anyway when my time up here at work comes up. I’ve gotten the feeling lately that something is going on in the background but I can’t put my finger on it just yet.

05/28/2002

Over the holiday weekend:

Didn’t do anything family-oriented. I don’t have a family. Neither does my husband. It’s just us.

Didn’t barbeque or go to any barbeque. We didn’t know anyone who was having one, nor were we invited to participate in this seemingly Memorial Day ritual with anyone.

Didn’t watch any Memorial Day activities on TV. We don’t really agree with the point of Memorial Day, celebrating the deaths of only some people and not all people, under all circumstances and from all races and genders.

In the Positive column: A bird who is frequenting our bird feeder isn’t sickly like I feared. He has a broken leg but seems to get around without much trouble. He’s been coming and going from our feeder since last Thursday and looks like he’s in fairly good shape. He’s eating a lot and since its been raining since yesterday, he’s probably consumed water somewhere.

In the Negative column: Today, my boss, Ms.NoManagementSkills, sent out an email to me and my coworkers to work harder this week because “the company gave us a paid day off yesterday!” It wasn’t my idea to give anyone a day off, paid or not. Why should we all bust our asses for the same pay just because the company decides to “celebrate” a day of dead mostly male military personel who signed up or went along somewhere to get shot at because they didn’t choose not to. But the best part is that she claims that since she feels refreshed (because she had the day off), she will be working harder so we should too. What a load of crap! But I love it when people seem to forget that they have a web cam pointing at them 24/7 and are seen goofing off and not working at all. Like another coworker of mine who is logged into work, but has been asleep in front of their camera for a few hours now!

Please don’t send me email telling me to capture these camera pictures and send them to the company CEOs. That’s already been done and the CEOs don’t care. There is no end to the reasons why I hate working with these irresponsible people, but, again, I love the paycheck so I put up with it. Because conditions are so bad, I do feel like I get to whine about them.

In the Positive column: I’ve done very, very well watching my food intake, particularly fat levels in my food intake. Less than my maximum set goal of 2000 calories a day and without much trouble at all. Water is definitely my friend. My boss, who seems to constantly want to lose weight but, admittedly, can’t put down the daily donuts and candy is really helping me watch what I’m eating by sitting in front of her web camera, especially when she’s eating s’mores. I hate s’mores and always have.

In the Negative column: I haven’t been good at all in the physical activity department. I have nice workout equipment here but just can’t find the motivation to use it. In fact, when I do use it any longer than 5 minutes continuously, all I want to do then is sleep. I’ll try working out just before going to bed. If nothing else, it might help me sleep better.

In the Positive column: It’s nearing the end of my day. This week ought to go by fast and it looks like the upcoming weekend just might be nice, weather-wise. A week from now, the landscaper we hired last October will be here to start the big project. This alone should make for excitement around here for the month of June…or at least a lot of noise. At this point, I’m looking forward to nearly anything that changes the ongoing boredom of work.

05/29/2002

Good morning. My boss is looking through yesterday’s work load to see where she thinks we all failed to output as much work as she thinks we should have accomplished. Nice motivational start to the day, isn’t it? It’s like this every day. There is a very good reason why I call her Ms. NoManagementSkills.

For the 4th day in a row and after eating less than 1200 calories every day and being somewhat physically active, my weight is still sitting at 171 pounds. Depressing really, even if it has only been 4 days. Maybe that’s because I’ve gone to bed hungry for a week now and I want instant gratification. I need to give my weight more time to drop. I didn’t get fat overnight or in 4 days. Need to keep focused on my fat coworkers web cameras. GOOD motivation there. Jeez, you’d think they would put on some clothes before coming into view or when they do, put on something that doesn’t show every fat roll on their backs or under their arms. And these are the women! Ugh…

Today promises to be nice with the sun making an appearance later on. The rest of the week and through the weekend looks to be very nice as well. I’ll be waxing my car over the next few days, getting that first really good coat on since getting it and working on a couple of spots that I noticed last weekend that looked like small scratches. I have this love/hate relationship with black paint. Nothing looks as good as deep, glossy black paint on a sportscar, but nothing is as much as a royal pain in the ass when it isn’t perfectly clean and glossy. Because my car was bought partially as an investment car and will be garaged 85 percent of the time, I chose black. If I was planning on driving it everyday, I would have gotten some other color, and then would have wished I had chosen black anyway.

Update:
I’ve got the house to myself tonight. Don’t have anything important to do. My significant other is over at the enemy’s house, my boss, at a meeting with the enemy’s husband, FatHead and BikerDude, the guy that doesn’t know that everyone else is trying to get him to quit his job so they can have it. I can watch my sig on their web camera and see that nothing he has to say in their meeting is being taken seriously. We’re okay with this. It’s like this every day as well for him too.

(HEY! HE’S EATING SOMETHING OVER THERE! HE JUST FINISHED DINNER OVER HERE BEFORE LEAVING! LOOKS LIKE…..CHILI CHEESE FRIES! BAD, BAD MAN!!)

I checked out Blogdex tonight. Took forever, even with cable modem for that site to load but I was able to submit this blog for their perusal. Thanks to Ernie at little. yellow. different for bringing the site to everyone’s attention. He’s linked over there.

Dang it! Now I’m hungry again. Must have CONTROL. Must NOT EAT anymore tonight. Must lose 2 pounds sometime this week to stay on track. I’ll go read for a while to take my mind and my eyes off food and people eating but he had better not come home with cheese on his breath!

05/31/2002

In the Negative column: Ever have one of those days where it seems like everything you do is wrong? Yesterday was it for me. At work, I used a word in an email that was sent to one of the company CEOs that she didn’t like. No, it wasn’t a swear word, it was a normal, all-religion-approved, often-used word to describe a messed up situation and from the borage of email that came back to me, you would have thought I typed “clusterfuck” instead of the word I did use: “mess”. Even my SO (significant other) thought I could have used a better word, but who could have known that the word “mess” could send a company CEO into near-hysterics?

Mental note to self: NEVER use the word “mess” again at work.

In the Positive column: I didn’t get fired.

In the Negative column: It was only the start to the day from hell. 3 hours later, after thinking that I had cleared up my error including a flood of emails back and forth between me and the maddened CEO, with me both apologizing and making feeble attempts to better reword the original email, all to no avail, I decided after 9 hours at work, enough was enough…but, not before attending an online meeting where another company we are dealing with asked me to attend one of their online meetings being held today and promised to send me information on where to go to attend this meeting. To date: This information has yet to be sent to me. Did they forget? Did they get my email address wrong? Did they just make this up? All questions I spent hours last night dwelling over when I should have been sleeping.

In the Positive column: I still got 5 hours of sleep.

In the Negative column: After my SO got home from work yesterday, he decided that we should take advantage of the nice day and go for a drive. This meant I was driving. Fine. I could use the fresh air and we could stop at Subway to get a Jarred-diet sub sandwich. I had yet to eat anything and was starved. Driving around the corner, I made direct eye contact with a group of 10-12 year old girls standing on the sidewalk. Then, they suddenly turned and chased a cat, purposely, out from the bushes and directly in front of our car! WTF? I slammed on the brakes, avoiding the cat, while the girls ran laughing partway into the street and then stopped to allow me to continue around the corner. Just as I started moving again, my SO screams in my ear, “WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” Coming the other way at a high rate of speed and never slowing down was one of the jerks of our neighborhood, driving his tall 4×4 pickup, nearly driving over the front-end of our car. The girls continued to laugh and ran back the way they came. The 4×4 jerk gives me the 1 finger wave of acknowlegement and I decide right then and there, I didn’t need all this crap either so I turned around and re-parked the car safely in the garage, all to the protests of my SO. Too bad. I had had enough and just needed to sulk upstairs, lying down, wallowing in my own feelings of stupidity and inadequacy. And I wanted comfort food.

In the Positive column: I didn’t run over the cat. I didn’t wreck the car. I didn’t eat any comfort food. I stuck to my good eating plan, read half of a book and stayed away from anything that I might screw up further.

In the Negative column: I didn’t run over the girls who caused the whole thing in the first place.

In the Positive column: I’ll be looking for any positives today, especially since I really don’t want to work today. The weather promises to be nice. I’m alive and losing weight I need to lose. I have money in the bank and none of my animals need to go to the vet. I have a nice roof over my head and landscape work starting next week. I can find positives today, but if you can think of any that may need, I’ll appreciate it, especially after yesterday.

June 2002

06/03/2002

In the Positive column: I had a great weekend. I guess that’s what happens after having a day or two of fairly crappy days. Saturday, we drove around with the car top down and got some well-needed sun. Sunday, I helped some neighbors (the flaky but nice ones) shop for some oversized trees and I picked up a few for myself as well. Then, the hard work began with helping drag these bigass trees into each of our backyards. I think we both picked out nearly the heaviest trees in the nursery and it took 5 of us to get them out of the truck, drag them into the backyards, drop/drag them into planting holes and position them right. If our process had been a movie downloadable from the Internet, I would have downloaded and viewed it. Amazingly, no injuries occurred.

In the Negative column: I am pretty sore today.

In the Positive column: I burned over twice the number of calories I consumed yesterday. I wish I could do this everyday.

In the Negative column: It’s Monday and another workday. Meetings in the morning let us all know that the company’s marketing department plan on spamming literally millions of our customers endlessly to get them to buy our product and/or various services. Where is the line between advertising a new release once and sending 4 or more emails per customer over the course of 3 weeks pushing the same product that the first email informed about? Apparently, there isn’t one and yes, I understand, all major dot.com companies advertising this way. It’s a moral dilemma I have to sort out on my own. Do you feel comfortable with the practices of the company you work for? I question a few that mine pulls, but obviously, not enough to quit my job over it. This is 2002 and this is the way big companies do business.

In the Positive column: Tomorrow, our landscaper is coming to start our yard project.

In the Negative column: Since we haven’t heard a peep from him in nearly a month, I have a sinking feeling that he won’t show up tomorrow. I hope I’m very wrong. In other Negative news, over the weekend when we were out and about with my car, one of my coworkers whom I didn’t want to know about my car purchase because I’m worried about jealousy issues and losing my job over it (because most of the people I work with are immature and react nastily to anyone who has something they don’t have or can’t afford to get) ran into us and now knows. BikerDude, while not the most immature coworker of mine, is the most irresponsible and is best friends with FatHead, another coworker, and his wife, my boss, MsNoManagementSkills, the very people who are using him to vacation at his grandparent’s house in Cabo and are trying to get him to quit his job so FatHead can have it. The stories of what havoc and misery all these people have caused other people just because these people decide they don’t like other people, is well known to most of us here who work together. I never wanted to be on the receiving end of their “games” but it is likely that sooner or later, probably sooner now, I will be. And because my husband also works for this same company, he will be affected too. When he bought his car, a higher end vehicle, FatHead never let him hear the end of it and still calls him “Yuppie” instead of his given name any chance he gets. Very similar to what our neighbor calls us: “Skippy and Biff”.

In the Positive column: We figured we’d get a phone call or email from FatHead but no sign of him yet. Hopefully, he hasn’t heard yet from BikerDude (very unlikely) or he is already planning something bad. I need to figure out how I can prove all this in a court of law should the worst happen.

UPDATE:
Sure enough. We called the landscaper to verify that he would be here to start our yard project tomorrow and he said he was still working in another city across town and couldn’t be here until the end of this week or perhaps even next week. We are very near cancelling this entire project. Why are contractors such flaky people to deal with? Isn’t our money, 20K worth, not good enough or something? We have had nothing but problems with contractors from the minute we moved into this place 3 years ago. I just don’t get it!

06/04/2002

In the Negative column: I’m trying really hard not to be depressed today but I think I am losing this battle. Our landscaper isn’t coming to start our huge project, nor did he call last night to explain the details like he said he would earlier in the day yesterday. Early this morning, my already-cancelled-twice-previously dental appointment has been cancelled by the dentist yet again. Good grief! All it is was a simple cleaning. I had a work-related arguement with my significant other this morning over what I see as a very confusing and badly engineered process that he is expecting other coworkers to begin using soon. Because he is an engineer in his other job, it makes sense to me that he would create something just as elite-ist and nerdy engineered in this job as well and I was hoping to steer him into a more user-friendly format. No such luck this time around.

In the Positive column: Looks like even after eating a few hundred more calories yesterday that I normal consume, I may have lost another pound, bringing me down to 169 from my original 174. Good! One more pound to lose this week and I’ll still be on track. I’m expecting anytime soon for my body to start rebelling, making it impossible to lose anything more as I plateau and meaning that I will need to completely change my current routine of activity level (which to this date is virtually little to none). Knowing this will certainly happen at some point makes this upcoming phase easy to plan for. I’ll just need to work on finding more motivation. Where, oh where is motivation kept?

In the Negative column: It was supposed to be warm and sunny for the next week and a half so you’ll understand my disappointment in seeing drizzle yesterday evening and throughout the night and well into this morning. I like rain and I like drizzle, but not when all 4 major TV news stations push how nice the weather is going to be all weekend long only to wake up to unexpected rain. Good thing I didn’t wash the car yesterday because that would only make me want to go out driving. That car never goes out in the rain so it’s just as well that it is sitting, dust covered, in storage.

In the Positive column: This drizzle is great for all the newly planted trees and keeps the bad neighbor cat from hanging out in our backyard, trying to catch birds. Also, just because the landscaper isn’t coming over today or even this week, the project is just delayed, not cancelled completely. I need to remember this.

Now, it’s back to work for me. Things to work on today (other than actual work): Reschedule dental appointment. Contact landscaper maybe. Stay away from food for a few more hours. Check boss’s web camera for motivation. Try not to become depressed. Take some work breaks and enjoy the rain.

UPDATE:

There’s a family that lives on the next street over that has 2 young boys who abuse the new dog they got a couple months ago. Unfortunately, we have a fairly clear view of them hitting, kicking, choking, and throwing this small cockapoo mix puppy. There are 6 other houses that directly sit across the street from this family and you would think at least one person in any of those houses would have witnessed what we have seen, but apparently not, or they are unwilling to come forward. From past horribly bad experience, we won’t be getting involved here, knowing full well that this may be signing the dog’s death certificate, but we have to live here for a minimum of 5 more years and we can’t have the violence and vandalism occur here that occurred at the last residence we lived at just because we stuck our noses into someone else’s animal abuse business. We have resorted to keeping the window closed and the blinds drawn in the room that has a view of this. Sounds awful, doesn’t it? Well, so does glass breaking at 3 in the morning and your home burning as retaliation.

I’m doing good on the food comsuption front. Lots of good fat boss shots from her web camera today. For the time being, I’ve found an abundance of motivation there.

06/05/2002

In the Positive column: I woke up alive today.

In the Negative column: Maybe that wasn’t such a good thing.

There is nothing quite like working on a project for a week or more, creating files documenting errors, typos and incorrect information in critical customer-viewed web information, only to have all of it completely ignored by the person put in charge of making the sorely needed corrections, then to find out that the originally screwed up document has been pushed live with all the errors, typos and incorrect information still in place. I can’t seem to get through to anyone in the company I work for that this lack of attention to detail makes our multimillion dollar company look like a bunch of hAcKeR 13 year olds work here. All that is cared about over the last 2 years that I have worked here is gathering the money and hording the money.

Sometime this week, if not today, I’ll have to answer for why these documents are still screwed up and I’ll have to pass the buck and tell them to talk to so-and-so, who, btw, hasn’t answered any of my emails in over 3 weeks. Since my manager has been on vacation physically for 2 1/2 weeks (and most would admit mentally on vacation for 5 months), there hasn’t been anything I can do to get through to this so-and-so person, now officially called SlackWriter for clarity purposes. At one point last week, I copied in one of the CEOs in an email where I expressed concern over SlackWriter’s lack of response and all I got back from the CEO was, “Well, he’s been really busy lately and already working lots of overtime.”

Excuse me? First, busy with what? Obviously, it’s not working on what he should be working on. Second, he’s had over a month to correct 7 errors (information was provided in my created files), 11 typos and delete 6 sections of incorrect information. Third, everyone in the company was told last JANUARY that absolutely no more overtime would be approved.

But hey! This is coming from one of the company’s CEO, so it all must be okay, right? I mean, no one on the outside knows who I am or that I’m not one of the incompetent boobs working here who can’t spell the word “Exlore” (which should be “Explorer”. All 6 times.).

I’m not even going to mention the alarm that was “mistakenly” set to go off at 5:45 this morning and every 5 minutes thereafter and I was the only one who got up. You know who you are and you OWE me big time!

In the Positive column: I’m still alive and haven’t had an aneurysm yet. And I haven’t eaten anything yet. Still sitting at 169 pounds. Need one more pound off by Saturday. I have plenty of time.

06/06/2002

In the Positive column: Since I washed and detailed the car yesterday, I drove my significant other to work today and spent an hour or so driving around town afterward. As I drove down Central Blvd, the main strip in our town, the car got looks and stares from countless people, mostly males. Naturally, I make it seem as though I don’t notice but it’s not everyday that a shiny black sport scar of this caliber is seen in our small city. I resisted the urge to hit Starbucks, thinking of the high caloric temptations I would encounter there and tried to think of the control I was exercising over food. It’s all a mental game: Food. Not acknowledging that you’re being noticed. Men…

In the Negative column: We chatted briefly this morning over re-acquainting ourselves with some people we used to see a few times a month back a few years ago. Officially, these people bordered on being emotional vampires and seemed to think since, to them, we had figured everything in life out and they saw us as their role models. What a HOOT! About the only thing I can think of that could make us role models for anyone would be that we thought a long time and decided not to have children. We’re childless by choice and it would seem that we are just now beginning to reap the rewards of making that decision, NOT that it’s a decision that is for everyone, BUT we feel that more people should certainly THINK about having children BEFORE they have one or two or eight (as in the case of a couple of families on our street).

Now that I really think through this idea, I’ll strongly veto it. It all comes back to me. These people would call us like clockwork, once a week, asking us to through them a party, because of any of a number of reasons, mostly because they were depressed. We don’t throw parties for ourselves, depression or not, ever. So you can imagine our teeth-grinding when the phone would ring and the caller ID would say “Emotional vampires who want you to do something to cheer them up.” Okay, the caller ID box didn’t say that exactly. There isn’t enough space on the screen, but you get my point. Let’s see, what else….Oh, he liked to drink, would bring his own alcohol even, but she is strongly, strongly against any alcohol consumption. Perhaps she should have chosen a different partner then since he could drink like a fish and would do so, any chance he got, which meant anytime he came over to our house, which was often since we stopped answering the phone for the above reason. She was also a strict vegetarian so most dinners out were nixed and nearly anything we had in the house were sternly refused. Anything with egg or milk products in it were off-limits, not to mention any kind of meat or fish. I don’t know if you have read the nutritional label on anything lately, but chances are high that it has some kind of egg or milk product in it. I would ask, “So, what do you eat then?!” and if she was answering that day, she would talk about rice, corn, wheat and more rice. Funny, though. Not that I’m stereo-typing or anything but I always though vegans were more on the thinner side. This woman was larger than me and had at least 30 pounds on me. Must be a lot of rice buying somewhere.

Then there was the whole,” You’re selling out to the corporate masters” discussions whenever we bought a new TV or compact disc. These are people who went to college, whom I have to assume, was to get good jobs working for some corporate masters, but what do I know? Maybe they work for non-profit corporations now?

Nope, thinking more about this, I don’t think this would be a good idea. Sure, it would be nice to find out where these people are in their lives now, what they’re doing, how life is treating them. It has been 4 years now, but I think it would just open a can of worms that I would rather not open just now. I have enough to worry about: job, weight, no-show landscapers, to have to worry about selling out to corporate slave-traders and babysitting a borderline alcoholic and a vegan.

In the Positive column: The landscaper finally called this morning. We’re meeting here sometime tomorrow. I made my significant other talk to him because I’ve lost respect for him. He would have to do a lot to gain that back with me, like have the project done, completely, not mostly, not almost, not even we-just-need-this-one-last-thing-and-it’s-on-order, and definitely not well-the-project-is-done-but-we’ll-need-a-few-days-to-clean-up-the-mess-we-made. I mean completely and totally done and finished and out of here. Somehow, I don’t think this will be the case so I’ll just stay out of the way and spy on the work in progress from time-to-time to report the progress.

Next time, I’ll rant about a shop-catholic we’re trying to extract our friendship from for the sake of our sanity.

06/07/2002

In the Negative column: Okay. before I get flooded with even more hate mail (8 received), let me stress that in my previous blog post, I did NOT choose a sports car over a child. I, as in me personally, chose not to have children for my own reasons. Kind, yet religious-minded mothers and fathers emailed me yesterday with words that included: Blasphemy, God-fearing, and heaven-sent bundles of luv, and not excluding words that colorfully explained how I would burn in a toasty place and having screwed up priorities. Since none of these people personally know me, they have no idea that I was raised a bit differently than the norm. Where I grew up, parents were allowed and even encouraged in some cases to eat their young. Imagine my childhood horror to find sisters number 3, 4, and 7 gone one day, yet platters of extra food the next! My brothers and I were in constant fear of “disappearing” suddenly. It wasn’t until years later that the facts became clear. And don’t think this kind of thing only happens in foreign countries. It could be happening in your own town, depending on whether or not you have a law enforcement agency in place and/or if everyone in that agency are is related to one another unlawfully.

In the Positive column: Anyway, you could say I was a bit scarred for life. So I bought a sports car. And I still don’t want to produce children. Hate me if you must.

In the Negative column: My significant other is standing firmly on the side of canceling our long-planned landscaping project today. The landscaper, who has cancelled a couple of meetings with us, who hasn’t showed up to a couple of meetings with us, and who hasn’t called when he said he would on and off since last October, is supposed to show up today. I SO much don’t want to look at a dead yard for yet another year and I just know that next year at this time, we will have used the money (now sitting in the bank gaining minuscule interest) for something else. Like restaurant dining or DVDs (yes, he goes on huge DVD buying spurts occasionally). The money will just get frittered away. All I want is for the two of us to have an open mind when the landscaper shows up and ask him some serious tough questions such as, “When can we expect this project to be completed”? “Is there a backup plan in the case that you have to go to another work site or have family issues? And how will this affect project completion?” “What can we expect in the way of repair and completed project maintenance such as damage to any existing walkways or patio slabs during construction, potential future leaks in fountain or sprinklers or repairs to electrical work?” We’ve already checked out his bond, license, insurance and Better Business Bureau information and he’s okay for all those. If we nix the whole thing, I’m going to try not to be depressed over it but I know I will be a little bit. I’ve worked hard to get to this point and I was more excited to see this happen than to get that sports car (I added that last line to ensure I’ll get more email).

In the Positive column: The car is washed and sporting it’s new car cover. I lost another pound. My work day is half over and I still within three degrees of Kevin Bacon. Life is good.

It’s all about the Negative column today:

The landscaping project is still on, even though it’s a week late in starting. Either the contractor is a real smooth talker or he really believed every word he told us. We grilled him for an hour and a half last Friday and got very satisfactory answers. He would be showing up the next day, Saturday, to stake out the sprinkler system and to bring some mossy wood that we’ve requested.

Unfortunately, Saturday came and went and he didn’t stop by. At 5:30 pm, after sitting around here all day waiting, my significant other called, got the answering machine and let him know we weren’t happy. A few minutes later, the contractor’s wife called back to tell us his truck broke down, (NEVER a good sign) and that he would be by tomorrow, Sunday, around noon.

Sunday, around 1, he shows up with the “Sprinkler Guy” to stake out the system. No mossy wood was brought, naturally (this makes twice that the mossy wood was “forgotten”). Promises of being here early tomorrow, Monday morning 8:00 am, up-ed from 7:30 am. Okay. We’re set.

Monday morning: No sign of the contractor, the Sprinkler Guy, or anyone else for that matter. It’s now after 11:00 am and yes, you could say I’m disgusted with this. Luckily for us, we haven’t paid him a cent yet because we’ve yet to be presented with a job contract.

In other stress-related-typical Monday news, I just found out that my boss, MsNoManagementSkills, has been flown down to company headquarters for a week, including 2 software release parties. I had to read about the trip from her own online journal. She never said a word. At this morning’s company conference call, one of the CEOs talked about the parties and hoping to see everyone there. Nice to see that not all employees are included, once again, at the company parties, a weekly event but they are willing to fly MsNoManagementSkills to company headquarters to them DURING A TIME WHEN ALL EXPENSES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CUT TO THE BONE. Just another company morale buster I have to deal with on a weekly basis. Not only do I not hear from my own boss that she’ll be gone for a week, but the company has chosen, once again, to forego expense cutting just to fly her across the country to “manage” employees working at headquarters and knock back a few beers. I hate my job.

Meanwhile, I’ve had trouble logging into the company’s secure network for the past 2 years. No one has been able to figure out what the problem is and so, they usually give up after a few minutes. When MsManagementSkills and FatHead finally started having the exact same problem just a couple of months ago, they cried about it, like I did, and the company BOUGHT them a computer just to access this network. When I asked about this and for a computer as well to do the exact same thing, which I need to do to be able to correctly do my job as opposed to faking the ability to do my job like I have been doing for 2 years, I get the reply, “No. We’re sorry. We need to cut expenses and can’t supply you a computer for this.”

So, today, my usual mentally absent supervisor decides to finally figure out why I can’t access the company network. After sitting on the phone with him from 9 am to 12:42 pm, the problem still exists. I can’t access anything and no, they still can’t send me a computer. Expenses cut and all. Yet, MsNoManagementSkills is at a swank lunch right now….Oscar’s I believe, at last check-in.

Well, it’s 1 pm now and still no landscaper or Sprinkler Guy. I’ve been at work for 6 hours now and they want to reset the entire system. I’m ready to say fuck it all and call it a day.

In the Positive column: I haven’t eaten a thing yet today because I’ve been on the phone for 3 1/2 hours and my ear is bleeding! but that’s a good thing, right?

06/11/2002

In the Positive column: Finally! Sprinkler Guy showed up today at 7:45 am after the landscaper dropped him off, along with a bicycle, and is working away, hand digging sprinker trenches. We were under the impression that a ‘crew’ would be here, not just one guy, although he isn’t wasting any time for just one guy working. We’ve looked at the trenches and they are exactly what they should be depth and width-wise. I don’t know about the bicycle thing though. Perhaps, Sprinkler Guy plans on riding somewhere for lunch? If so, he’s got a several mile trek. It’s not like we’re close to anything out here. Perhaps riding over one development to use the Port-A-Johns? Hey, just as long as he doesn’t use a corner of our house. After our last landscaping adventure last year, we weren’t about to offer the use of our own facilities. I still won’t use that bathroom unless I’m sure I can’t make it to the upstairs one.

We still haven’t see or signed an official contract, but we still haven’t paid any money so we’re okay on that point. Next week will be the real adventure as the landscaper will be bringing in large trees and rocks. I’ll be taking photos of that. Lots of photos. If for nothing else, for legal reasons. I’m such an optimist.

Also in the Positive column: My boss, MsNoManagementSkills is still at company headquarters. I’ll be hoping for word of a terrible plane crash near the end of the week. Trust me. It will significantly reduce the bottleneck that is now day-to-day life at work. Things will actually get accomplished and should stop becoming lost in the blackhole that this woman is in reality.

I lost another pound already this week and only have another half pound to go by Saturday, not to mention keeping everything lost to date gone. No problem. Drinking lots of water and sun tea is helping a lot. Yesterday, I ran into about a dozen eating triggers but didn’t cave into a single one of them. I ended the day eating less than 1000 calories and going to bed at 9 pm. I really needed the extra sleep and got about 10 hours. The next time I get the chance to get this much sleep will be sometime in early October, unless I die first. Again, I’m such an optimist!

06/12/2002

In the Negative column: MsNoManagementSkills talks about how fun our co-workers are who work at company headquarters in her Online Journal. Of course, the rest of us will have to take her word for it, because as a constant cost-cutting measure, no one else ever gets to go to company headquarters. As the lead person in charge here across the country, MsNoManagementSkills has had countless chances to recreate that atmosphere here, but for whatever reason, she has chosen not to and has created instead, an atmosphere full of job fear, distrust and outright hatred for co-workers, and clique-ish elitism. For fun, she likes pay-per-view pro wrestling events and bowling to country western music. If we, as co-workers don’t like these two choices, too bad. Oh, and she loves shopping, but only for her. Trips to company headquarters involve at least one day where she demands that she get to go shopping all day and only to the stores she likes: Old Navy, Birkenstock and Target. And the company lets her get away with having that shopping day. The company loves her. To them and as Employee #1, she’s their hardest and most loyal employee. Kind of lets you know what the company thinks of the rest of us working outside of company headquarters.

In the Positive column: I can still hope for that plane crash.

Sprinkler Guy is back today, although not at the 6 am that he promised. He moseyed in around 8:30 am and he didn’t bring his grunt helper guy with him. I don’t think there is any grunt helper guy and if I’m right, sprinkler completion will be delayed at least 2 more days. It’s going to be downright hot here over the next couple of days and Sprinkler Guy is one of those pale-skinned, red haired kinds of people who don’t take sun well. He’s out there, shirtless and very pink already and it’s only 10 am. Still, he isn’t wasting any time getting all those trenches hand dug. I can feel for him. I’ve put in underground sprinklers before in 105 degree weather.

In the Negative column: We just missed Landscaper Man last night by about 3 minutes, so no contract signing and no money paid yet. Both my significant other, WS, and I have conference calls and meetings throughout the day until 5. If Landscaper Man stops by before 5, we’ll miss him again and probably cause additional delay ourselves because he won’t have the money to buy the sprinkler supplies. This contractor thing is just too much fun for words.

In the Positive Column (because I’m determined to find one): I still have my job, I’m still getting a paycheck, we can still pay for the whole landscaping project with cash, no credit debt, and my car is clean and sitting under it’s cover safely locked in the garage. And I’m down to 165 pounds today with this week being my menstrual “fat” week. Life is still good. Thanks for reading.

In some other column: There is a family living on our block that recently added a new member. This brings the number of children they have to eight. I understand that their chosen religion believes they are to populate the earth, even though there are already over 6 billion of us, but don’t you think that if you’re already set to populate your own little corner of the earth, you could be more creative with their names than to randomly pick a letter of the alphabet and begin the name of every child with that one letter? Currently, they have a Tad, Tanner, Tara, Terry, Tucker, Turner, TC and now a TJ. It’s pretty bad when you start naming them with initials that don’t stand for any real name. I suppose it could be much worse though. They could have already produced 80 children and started the first 8 with the letter A and just now be working their way through the letter T.

The real scary thing here is she is only 26 years old and he, at 27, is a city cop and a little heavy handed in raising all the T kids.

06/13/2002

Hmmm….for some reason, most of my Blog archives are gone. If I hadn’t already been ripped off of many $$ from trying out other Web log options that all failed for one reason or another and taking my $$ with them, I would think twice about going Blog Pro here. Maybe if I stop losing money in the stock market sometime this month, I’ll reconsider. Damn the CEOs and accounting/marketing firms for over-hyping company stocks!

Looks like my job will be interesting today. The software program we are required to use is flaking out left and right and now, everyone from company headquarters has suddenly disappeared from the screen. Maybe a big blackout over in that part of the country. Maybe something major happened but the news isn’t reporting anything. No, email is still working and it looks like the company security guys are just screwing around again and unplugged something. There’s no doubt this will cause MsNoManagementSkills to completely freak out and we’ll all suffer before her additional dose of anti-anxiety meds take effect. Of course, she was going to freak out over something today anyway. It’s a daily thing with her. You know a job truly sucks when co-workers consider taking medication because of the effect medication has on the boss.

Sprinkler Guy is here again today. He showed up around 9 am and I’m making it a point to stay locked inside the house today without making an appearance. Not only do I need to get some serious work done for my job today (that I’ve been sorely neglecting because my morale is so low) but because there’s nothing really I can do to make his job run any smoother or faster. He knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t need some fat woman trying to make conversation and peering over his shoulder. Not to mention the 100 degree heat we’re expecting today. To think he could have already had those sprinklers hooked up and in had he showed up on Monday with his helper like he and the contractor promised us. I will credit him this: He’s been bringing his own ice, water and lunch and I’ve yet to see him urinate anywhere in the yard, making me believe he may have a bladder the size of an elephant. Our arrangement with the contractor is that we do not have to supply any facilities. We’re not repeating our contractor experience of last year. I’ll never look at that bathroom sink the same way again, no matter how many times it’s been scrubbed clean.

Damn. I was just craving strawberries until I typed that. It’s just as well. My period is on the way and my face is a mass of deep lying zits today. Hormones! Who needs them?

06/17/2002

In the Positive column: We attended our first car show last Saturday with my new car. It was a bit different from all the other car shows I’ve attended over past years. No one was polishing or waxing their cars, no one was calling out for a bucket of water, no one was bumming tubes of chrome polish off each other. It was very low-key. We were accepted. WS liked it. We’ll be attending others as the weather permits. Thursday night is a Flag Across America cruise-in at a location in city about an hour away. I’m going to try to attend that since the weather looks like it will be dry. Because of that event, there isn’t any other car show oriented event this coming weekend, giving me time to re-wax my hood and perhaps get out my own chrome polish tube.

In the Negative column: I’m working hard to find motivation to do any actual work at my job. I told myself for months that my motivation would be to walk out into the garage and admire the car. Since the car is under a car cover all the time now, it’s hard to see what is supposed to be motivating me. Perhaps I need to admire the monthly car payments. If nothing else, the size of those payments should frighten me into becoming motivated.

In the Positive column: Is it possible to lose weight on your elbows? I already had pointy elbows, always have, but they look a whole lot pointier today. Could be deadly even if I were to get bumped just right. I’m finally seeing a hint of the muscle I was building last fall. I’m thinking that when I hit that plateau where no more weight is lost easily, I’ll take back up my usual body building routine to boost the metabolism and blast the plateau. When I hit 130 pounds in September, with a bit of muscle tone here and there, I ought to be looking pretty good. Did I mention I haven’t weighted 130 pounds since my senior year of high school? With my current plan and schedule, I have little to no doubt I’ll make it. This is the only thing that’s worked for me to date. I guess keeping track online of my food and activities just spoke to me somehow and made me very aware of what I had been doing to myself.

Meanwhile, my boss, MsNoManagementSkills is excited about FatHead booking their fall trip to Cabo. Shortly, she’ll be posting in her Online Journal how she needs to lose weight as to look good in sweats or something. I don’t even want to think of her in shorts and a sleeveless top….or maybe I do. She’s been posting about how she’s been eating like a cow lately and it’s true. Nearly every one of her Journal entries talks about eating this or snacking on that. She’s in one vicious cycle that she’s already resigned herself into believing that isn’t her fault. CLUE: Stay away from candy and apple strudel. It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

In the Negative column: Our landscaping project, which should have been well into the final third phase of completion, is actually not even a third of the way along. Sprinkler Guy has had to do all his work alone without any help. He didn’t show up last Saturday as he said he would and he’s taken to coming over late in the morning and leaving around 3 in the afternoon. Currently, all the sprinkler pipes are in, the valve boxes are being installed and our water has been shut off for the next 2 hours, meaning that if he leaves at 3 pm, we’ll be without water all night. I can assure you this WILL NOT HAPPEN. All in all, we are currently running about 4 days behind in this phase, which, technically, is running 11 days behind altogether.

In the Positive column: The electric guys are coming tomorrow and I’m hoping WS will be here to direct them. If not, I’ll have to wing it and hope I get all the instructions right. Not only do they need to connect electric for the sprinkler controls, but hookup a rain sensor, run electric for the fountain pump and lighting, and run wire for additional exterior outlets, additional circuits, and low voltage path lighting for later this fall. We’ve met with the contractor of the project, found the contract correct and not lacking anything and we signed it, and handed over the required half-cash for the whole thing. Sprinkler Guy says that his portion will be complete, sprinklers operational by Friday, and he’ll be out of here.

In the Negative column: Gee, do you think I’m skeptical?

In the Positive column: No word yet from any co-worker on whether they know about the new car. If you have just joined us, a disproportionately large number of my co-workers are petty, irresponsible, and jealous people who get off on causing mental anguish to others, especially to those others who acquire things that these people can’t or don’t have. My car falls squarely into that category and I’ve had to hide any traces or mentioning of this purchase from them all in order to protect my very job. Unfortunately, one worker now knows of the purchase due to a chance encounter 2 weeks ago at a local shop. BikerDude is best friends with FatHead and his wife, MsNoManagementSkills so it is just a matter of time of when this information will be shared if it hasn’t been already. Last week, BikerDude seemed to take extra interest in the aspects of my job and yesterday, FatHead was interested as well. These are people who never gave me the time of day previously, but it could be coincidence. I’m still lying low though and am glad that these people don’t run in the same circles that I do outside of work.

06/19/2002

In the Negative column: I’m still sitting at 164 pounds. I may actually have to start exercising. If nothing budges by Friday, I’ll start indoor rowing again. I don’t mind rowing. I have a rowing machine. It’s just that I don’t have much time to row.

In the Positive column: The electrical crew is here today and they showed up on time. Unfortunately for Sprinkler Guy, he had to re-dig several of his trenches that he wasn’t supposed to fill in so the electric conduit could be run in there as well. Since it has rained over the past few days, the trenches are now mud. Silly Sprinkler Guy. He really should start listening to us.

In the Negative column: The outside of our house is a disaster area. Mud tracked EVERYWHERE. Pieces of sprinkler pipe and plastic sprinkler parts bags scattered all over. Now, snips of electric stuff is adding to the mess. And this is the phase that isn’t going to make the biggest mess. When the fountain goes in, one of our side fences will be removed, trees uprooted, and a tractor will be going in and out bringing in rock, sand and soil. The only good thing about this part will be that we should start to see results of the labor rather quickly. No offense to Sprinkler Guy but a person can only look at trenches dug in the dirt for so long before that gets boring.

In the Positive column: Tonight, a weekly car and bi-plane cruise-in starts at a local airport and runs through September. If I hadn’t already planned on attending something tomorrow night, I’d think about taking the car to this one. Tomorrow evening, WS and I will head up the freeway in hopes of catching a World Trade Center Flag procession that is going through our portion of the country. Since I’m working extra hours all this week, Friday morning I may see if I can drive along with the procession for a hundred miles or so before turning around and heading back home and back to work. This is the only car event scheduled for this week and nothing seems to be going on over the weekend. It would be a good time to wax parts of the car (yes, again) and to spend some time here catching up on work and house cleaning. WS mentioned he would like to go to the coast but he changes his mind often so I don’t tend to get excited anymore about trips like that. We haven’t been to the coast in nearly 3 years for this reason. Still, with everything outside looking like a war zone (and I’m not joking), it might be good to get away for the day.

In the Negative column: The company I work for just reset our work connection. Because I wasn’t sitting here at the exact moment it happened like I usually am, the reset just deducted 3 and 1/2 hours from my work day. Now, instead of working until 5 pm, I’ll have to stay online until 8:30 pm. Just another one of those little morale things that hits a person below the belt. There’s no need to whine about it. If I wasn’t sitting here to catch it, I wouldn’t have lost the time, the company just replies with. Bad timing on my part to decide to sit in the bathroom for 10 minutes while logged in. Isn’t work fun?

06/20/2002

In the Postive column: No work this morning due to technical difficulties. I’m out of here at 4:30 pm regardless if anything is fixed or not to join in the Stars-and-Stripes-Flag-to-the-World-Trade-Center-by-July-4th-drive-across-America section of our part of the country. I plan on getting up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to drive with the group for a few more miles before returning back home and back to work. That is, unless this evening’s activities suck and/or if they don’t want anymore cars to join in for some reason. The big obstacle at this point is whether the landscaping contractor wants us to babysit any of his crew this afternoon (not going to happen) and what time WS gets home from work (he’s been told I’m leaving at 5 at the latest).

We pressure washed the cement on our property last night after Sprinkler Guy left. There was so much mud caked on the walkways, you couldn’t see the grey cement color. Bad news for Sprinkler Guy today who is working in muddy areas and for us because we’ll need to re-wash everything this weekend, including the sides of the house this time.

06/24/2002

What a fun bunch of days I’ve just had. Let me go over the most current events first.

In the Positive column: The Landscape contractor is here today and after parking a bobcat tractor in our driveway all weekend, has got it moved to our backyard and is working fast and furious on the fountain project. In fact, there is now a deep, wide trench where the lower part of the fountain will run off to and mounds of dirt where the upper level will be. He’s not wasting any time, much to our relief. Sprinkler Guy finished up his phase at the end of last week and after WS re-programed the sprinkler system, it is working wonderfully and the grass is greening back up.

In the Negative column: This entire project was supposed to be over at the end of June, just in time for our vacation. Now, it looks like it will end around the middle of July and we won’t be sitting around here enjoying the sounds of water splashing during our week off. Instead, we’ll be waking up every morning to the sound of a bobcat and contract laborers swearing in Spanish to each other in our backyard.

In the Positive column: We’re getting this project done. If we focus on that fact, we’ll be fine spending our vacation listening to work in progress.

Yesterday, Sunday, June 23rd, 2002 was uneventful. I transplanted a bunch of stuff that sorely needed it and showered twice. Then I thoroughly washed the car and showered yet again.

Saturday, because my work software and servers were still down at company headquarters, I spent the day relaxing and napping. I was tired after Friday’s car event.

Friday, June 21st, was the Stars and Stripes car caravan through our portion of the country, taking 5 flags from the U.S. and around the world to the site of the World Trade center by July 4th. Because no rain was forcast, I got up at the crack of dawn, washed the car, then drove to the morning meeting spot before taking off on a caravan of 100 cars south to another state’s border and handing over the flags to the next leg’s caravan. It was about 7 hours total driving time, to and back home, with lots of lane switching through freeway traffic, trying to keep everyone together. A big mental workout but I think I made a good showing. Since I was watching my calorie intake, I restricted myself to a cup and a half of coffee and over a gallon of water. This trip was the longest I’ve made yet in the car and I now have a good feel for how it handles and sounds.

Thursday night, WS and I drove a hundred miles to meet with day 1 of the Stars and Stripes car cavavan and ending car show and shine. We were well received and invited to several club meetings later on in the month.

In the Negative column: I took a couple of noticable rock chips in the car’s paint that I can’t fix or can’t afford to have fixed right now and I put over 400 miles on the car. Still under 1500 miles on it total but just barely. Not good for having the car less than 2 months and wanting it more for investment reasons than for driving reasons. For this reason, I didn’t drive it anywhere the entire weekend and don’t plan on driving it again for a couple of weeks. If the weather forcast is true for next weekend, it will rain and I don’t take the car out in the rain. I’m already looking forward to this fall and winter when it rains here for weeks on end and no miles will be added. I’d really like to go into the car’s first year anniversary and next summer with less than 5000 miles on it.

In the Positive column: Our work software is working again so I don’t have to worry about my boss trying to call here to see if I’m really working. While the end of last week was easy-going on the work front because of software and server problems, it was stressful worrying about when the software was going to be fixed and when I was supposed to be back at work, when I actually was a few hundred miles away (not that I wasn’t doing anything similar to what my boss has pulled more than just a few times).

In the Negative column: Tony Danza’s mere existence. Someone, anyone, please do not let this guy sing.

UPDATE
More for the Positive column: The Landscaper Guy got much, much more done today than we could have dreamed he would. Huge boulders are already in place. He’s just not wasting any time. Secretly, we think he wants next week off and he can’t have it if this job is hovering over his head. He’s said once already things should be wrapping up by the weekend. Wow. We’re not counting our chickens before their hatched.

My boss, sitting in front of her Web Camera, is looking very porky today. Sleeveless t-shirts should not be worn by large women. Judging by her Online journal, she’s nearly completely given up on losing any weight. Nearly every entry contains some reference to high-fat, high calorie food along with some whining statement about how she won’t fit into this or that and then yet another reference to nachos or ice cream sundaes. She’s convinced that she just needs to get across to her doctor that she just needs a pill to make her thin. She’s one of those who think a pill can cure anything and why work at something when you can just take a pill a day? I wish there was a cure from her.

06/25/2002

In the Negative column: My weight is not making any sense at all and I’ve only myself to blame. Last Sunday morning, I was down to 161.5 pounds and then we went shopping. WS picked up a small german chocolate cake. 4 slice kind of small and I figured, “Okay. This won’t put me over 2000 calories today if I eat one slice but just to make sure, I’ll do some heavy landscaping work I’ve been meaning to do for the last month to burn those calories.” So I ate one of the four slices and worked my butt off moving boulders, redirecting a dry creek bed, transplanting bushes and raking gravel. Total calories for Sunday 1686.

Monday morning, I was back up to 163 pounds. Okay. I’ll drink a gallon of water, flush my system, finish up that landscaping work AND eat my last slice of german chocolate cake after eating a light dinner of penne pasta and tomato sauce.

Tuesday morning and I’m back up to 165 pounds. Jesus in a handbag! Obviously, german chocolate cake is squarely on the OFF LIMITS FOR LIFE list along with half the other things in existence that I haven’t touched since I was 27 years old (ANY candy bar, donuts, pies, and butter.) I’ve been watching my intake of anything with flour or wheat in it and I think I’ve discovered that wheat products, mainly bread, causes me to hold and gain weight. This is too bad since WS purchased a bread machine last winter and one of our favorite places to visit on weekend mornings is a small, local bread shop. Well, I’m not repeating this again and now I have to work harder to lose what I’ve gained just by eating 2 slices of cake over 2 days. How depressing but how enlightening at the same time. Today’s menu will include raw grapes, strawberries, herbal tea and water, miso soup (35 calories per cup), and a lean cusine meal for dinner. I’ll count this as a lesson learned. If I can lose 3.5 pounds PLUS my required 2.3 pound loss by Saturday, I may give plain, hot-air popped popcorn next week to see if that piles the pounds on me like wheat seems to.

Today, after starving the past 2 days, I’m back down to 163 pounds. Now I just need to lose 2 more pounds by Saturday to stay on track.

On the job front, nothing but apathy and low morale rule the show. My boss, MsNoManagementSkills claimed to have to help her husband, FatHead, work on a messy house project today in her Online Journal however, she’s sitting in front of her computer dressed to the nines as if she’s going to a coronation! Painting, my ass. Additionally, she claims to have to attend a conference call meeting for 2 and 1/2 hours. Probably something I’m supposed to attend too but she never tells anyone when they’re supposed to attend anything in hopes of having that person lose their job over it. Yep. This is what it is like working here. Lots of jumping through flaming hoops and hoping that the next hoop you have to jump through isn’t the one someone placed flat against a brick wall.

After working for 2 solid days on the landscaping project, the contractor and his one member help crew only worked 4 hours yesterday, not doing much and leaving very early. It’s already after noon today and no one has showed up yet. Maybe they’ve decided to take a day off? If so, we’re really like to get a phone call about it. This could prove to be bad timing for a day off if that is the case. It’s supposed to rain, starting tomorow, for the next 5 days. Remember last week when the contractor said he’d be finishing up by the end of this week? And remember when I didn’t believe it? Now you know why I’m pesimistic about these kinds of things. Unless this guy works a constant 24 hours a day for the next 3 days, there is NO way that this project will be done at the end of the week. Look for more of my whining about the on-going project next week because it will surely happen. And this all happening during our vacation, when we were supposed to be enjoying the finished work!

We’re being woo-ed by a couple of car clubs in our area and we’ve been considering checking them out fully before, perhaps, joining one. The one in the forefront has a general meeting this week and we may attend. A couple of downsides to this particular club – The vice president is not someone you want as an enemy and the entire club loves to eat. The downside of the other club – This one is huge and nearly completely comprised of retired people with lots of time on their hands, something we definitely do not have any of, yet we’ll be expected to give to events and functions. The downside of all of the clubs in this area – 100% of the members have money and participate in expensive events, like renting a local race track and driving instructors for a weekend, taking semi-yearly cruises to Alaska, taking a yearly drives to Kentucky, Chicago, Reno and San Fransisco, and spending thousands of dollars purchasing and installing custom car parts as a group “tech” day.

One thing I discovered early after buying the car was that everyone thinks you have lots of money. Well, maybe BEFORE buying the car we had lots of money. Then we bought the car and now we have NO money. Yet people don’t believe it so we’ve been asked to plan to attend several auto cruise drives across the country over the next year. As much as I would like to belong to a car club, I really don’t think we’ll be able to “keep up with the Jones” and this will only lead to much frustration and debt. Still, we might check them out and discuss the pros and cons between ourselves before making a decision one way or the other.

July 2002

07/08/2002

Back from a short break and boy, did I need it! Here’s a brief rundown of anything of interest that occurred over the last week:

In the Positive column: Got a raise.

In the Negative column: It was minisule. A thousand dollar a year raise. It doesn’t even come close to the current increase of the cost of living. And to think I’ve waited nearly two years for this due to the dot.com meltdown. And for the first time, no stock options given. The mentality is if we don’t like it, too bad. In this market, the company can easily find someone whose been laid off for a while now who will be willing to do the same job for less. Sad.

In the Positive column: At least I still have a job. The big secret this week is that BikerDude has put in his latest job resignation. He’s already rescinded his last two. We’ll see if his third one gets him the raise he’s been trying to suck out of this company. It will also be interesting to see how the dynamics between him, FatHead and MsNoManagementSkills change, especially since they were supposed to all go to Mexico this coming fall to use BikerDude’s grand parents pad (which was supposed to be sold months ago). I think, after a short break from daily contact, they will all end up being deeper friends than what’s going on now. Maybe MsNoManagementSkills will start sleeping with BikerDude again behind FatHead, her husband’s back, making her feel better about herself thus reducing her medication intake and making the rest of our lives less miserable at work. Still, if she continues to eat as much as she claims to be eating and looking as bad as her Web Camera shows, BikerDude won’t have anything to do with her, not to mention FatHead, who already sleeps on the couch most nights.

I attended my first show and shine in the new car and picked up a sizable rock chip in the hood. Ouch! But at the same time, we’re on the cusp of being nominated for membership into a car club that has access and discounts at various car places and knowledgeable people who could help in rock chip repair. Still, the chips I’ve picked up over the last month really does bother me, making me re-assess whether I really want to be driving the car that much. Currently, I’m thinking of keeping it garaged for the next couple of weeks and definitely, DEFINITELY, not driving in any car caravans on the freeways at 80 plus mph. These people can be crazy!

In the Negative column: The landscaping project STILL isn’t done. Last week, the contractor only worked 4 and a half hours. For the entire week!. We are so tired of hearing “We’ll be back later this afternoon” or “See you first thing in the morning!” when in fact, we’re lucky to see them at all before week’s end. We are still waiting for bark dust, lighting, sprinkler hookup, transformer hookup, fountain refill valve hookup, 3-in-1 soil distribution, cement powerwashing, fence re-construction, and final cleanup. This all could have and should have been done by July 3rd but after telling us it would be done Friday, July 5th, he’s yet to come back and today’s been no different. I suspect we’ll see him for all of an hour or two tomorrow and just maybe, the project will be completed by the end of July, a full month behind schedule. And the weather isn’t going to make things go any faster. He could have finished everything last week when it was only 85 degrees outside. This week promises to be 95 to 100 degrees.

In the Positive column: We purchased $600 worth of additional plants and planted them all ourselves (so it would get done) and the project definitely looks better. It is only this that has prevented us from going completely balistic over all this delay.

Overall, the past week was uneventful. I did take the week off from watching every morsel I put in my mouth but only gained a pound. Today’s been a good workday so far and I only have an hour or so left. This week couldn’t possibly go fast enough.

07/11/2002

In the Negative column: Anything that could have gone into the Positive column can just be moved here to the Negative column. Yes, today is that bad. WS just got off the phone with a co-worker and friend who thinks we should drop everything and give her the attention she demands, no excuses accepted. We’ve been trying to pull away from this emotional vampire for a couple of months now without success, mostly because all her other friends decided to start pulling away sooner. This leaves her sucking on us like a remora even harder. Today, she screamed on the phone to WS, who is home today babysitting me because I had emergency oral surgery this morning and my face is swollen 4 sizes larger than normal. Oh, but let us drop everything to call MsVampire and tell her everything she wants to hear today.

Apparently, some people at work have called in sick today while others have taken vacation. This leaves my boss, MsNoManagementSkills, telling me to do their work. I can’t even work today due to my surgery, the swelling, the PAIN, and the drugs that aren’t doing ANYTHING. But she doesn’t want to hear about it. WS is trying to be supportive but doesn’t know what to do.

Oh, and I can’t eat any solid food for 10 days minimun. I’ve already tried munching on french fries and it was a disaster. Liquids it is, but this leaves me with only water and tea. Unless I want to cram a couple of cups of lettuce and tomato into the blender. WS was going to go to the store to pick up some slim-fast or instant breakfast for me but the landscaping contractor came early with a crew and our driveway is completely blocked and will be for several more hours.

Did I mention my period started last night? All over the bed sheets? Yep, I have laundry to do as well now while trying to deal with cramps.

Oral surgery: Fun stuff! Apparently, over the weekend, I fractured my crown leading to excruiating pain Sunday thru Wednesday. The earliest the dentist could see me was this morning. So we pulled the tooth that the crown was on. This crown has given me nothing but problems since day one and I was all to happy to have the whole thing removed. Out with the tooth came a huge infection pocket attached that grossed out the dentist’s helpers. They all agreed that nothing short of removal would have gotten rid of all that infection. It’s nice to know that I’ve been spending lots of money on Trimox lately that hasn’t been doing a thing.

After tooth removal and since I decided back in October to get a dental implant, next came phase one of the bone graft. From my point of view, this involved lots of bone scraping and some healthy tugging on my jawbone. Then comes insertion of something post-looking followed by non-dissolving sutures, a piece of aluminium foil, then 2 pink oral bandages super glued to the sides of the gums….and the side of the cheek…and the edge of the side of the tongue and basically anywhere else the super glue wants to end up EXCEPT the edges of the bandage, making those feel like sharp gravelly edges scraping the underside of my tongue every single goddamn time I move even the smallest of any mouth or tongue muscle. Hence, there’s where the liquids-only diet comes in. But only if I had something to drink other than water or tea. ~Sigh~

The landscape contractor is furiously looking for some tools he left here so he can finish today. It’s not our responsibility to keep track of his tools, especially since he’s had our fence removed for nearly 4 weeks now. Anyone could have come in and taken them. No doubt, he’ll say he can’t finish the project today because of this. Here’s a hint: I didn’t believe he’d be finished today anyway.

Our now ex-friend and WS’s co-worker, MsVampire just called back to “remind” us that her birthday is on Saturday and that no one cares. Trust me when I say no one has ever cared when my birthday is, including WS some years, so why would we care about her’s? We need to cut this relationship off and pronto!

The company who is supposed to be helping the company I work for in customer support just laid off more workers and is listed under f***ed company.com’s listing. Rumor has it that this is why we all got crappy raises. Our company bought into this company and all our money went with it. Oh, it’s just a matter of time now…

Looking for any positives today…and having to use old rehashed ones.

I still have a job. I still have a car. I still have my health. I’m still not related to Kathy Lee Gifford.

07/17/2002

In the Negative column: I have a lot to complain about today, starting with one of the families that lives across the street from me. He is a policeman for the city, she is a baby factory (7 kids and no end in sight). They have had an american flag nailed to their house since July 1st. For the last 6 days, it has been dangling by one nail and partially dragging on the ground. No one seems to notice even through they have to brush by it everyday to get in and out of their house. Aren’t policemen supposed to know about american flag etiquette? Didn’t people used to shoot people for this?

Another neighbor’s cat has left an entire dead rabbit in our backyard today. Beheaded, nearly full grown. The neighbor’s statement, “It’s natural.” No, they won’t be keeping the cat indoors. Too bad. We’ll just have to continue to bury animal body after animal body in our backyard, which is already full from the 2 1/2 years of burying dead things killed by this same cat.

My boss, MsNoManagementSkills, isn’t sharing information gathered in meetings again. Meetings which I and others were supposed to attend but for some reason, weren’t given the correct conference call number and code. This is her way of playing the territorial games she’s famous for. Something is definitely afoot, likely brought about by BikerDude’s upcoming resignation. It’s frightening to think what this woman and her husband, FatHead, is capable of and how she continues to be able to get away with things. She’ll be going after WS’s and my job soon, to get her own friends into the company. I really need to start saving every penny now so we’ll have something to live on after everything shakes out. And to think we just spent a lot on a landscaping project and new cars. Pretty stupid in hindsight.

And finally, apparently, we bought an entire case of our long-favorite toilet paper that didn’t have any perforations between the sheets. Trying to tear a wad of toilet paper off does nothing but leaves long trails of ragged paper, looking like what you’d see littering the floor of any Target or Wal-Mart public bathroom. Petty shit, I know, but it’s just the frosting on the whole negative cake this week. My dental work has completely shredded my tongue, leaving me both unable to talk or eat anything with any substance. And to think that this is only one implant! If I want any more, I’ll have to go through this all over again and again and again for each implanted tooth! Is this worth it? I don’t really think so. I don’t get the super-glued wire mesh removed for another week. And I’m not losing any weight.

In the Positive column: I’m not gaining any weight either. And in 6-9 months, I’ll have my implanted tooth. No, wait, that’s still a negative isn’t it.

07/22/2002

In the Negative column: It’s going to be a scorcher outside today. Combined with some possible smoke from nearby wildfires, it ought to be fun trying to breathe.

In the Positive column: I have air conditioning, we have no problems with brown or black-outs in our area, and I have at least a year’s worth of stockpiled asthma inhalers.

The weekend flew by and I’m sitting here now, wondering how that happened and “Shouldn’t it only be Saturday evening?” Saturday, we participated in a car show 50 miles away and while the car showed well, we ourselves annoyed the hell out of people. I’ll chalk that up to nervousness and Xendadrine. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize our nonstop talking bothered people until Sunday afternoon. Plus we won two major raffle prizes but had to return one of them, backstage VIP passes for a hokey country/western/50′s rock show at a county rodeo because it was for this upcoming weekend and because we DON’T DO country/western or rodeos. The problem here was, by the time I looked at the date of the event, nearly everyone had gone home and WS returned them to the sponser, which looked like we were assholes. But we learn…

This will be a somewhat short week for me. I’ve taken some vacation time around the weekend and I hope to get some personal time in. I’m hoping to reconnect with myself because life is whizzing by and I’m not paying attention. In reality, I’ll probably lounge around in bed until noon, watch TV, maybe put in a DVD and over-eat. Combined with a few computer game sessions of Age of Empires and The Sims (I’m running a family just like mine living in an exact replication of our house and it is scary how similar we are) and I think you’ll see me back next week complaining about how I wasted my time. Actually, I have a car event I could attend that could take up a day and a half which really means 2 full days if you add in the car washing and polishing part. But I don’t think WS wants to blow another day or 2 on that kind of thing.

In the Negative column: Since I wasn’t supposed to eat solid food over the last 10 days due to my dental thing (but I did anyway), I couldn’t eat corn chips which meant I didn’t eat any salsa or spicy foods. I could actually feel the level of capsacian dropping in my body. I usually eat salsa, hot sauce or something hot and fiery every other day. Basically, I felt like crap by yesterday.

In the Positive column: WS lovingly made us a big batch of homemade salsa yesterday. Because I haven’t eaten anything hot for so long, his usual spiceness level was too much and I couldn’t eat the stuff. But today, I’m making up for lost time and the heat level isn’t bothering me a bit. As long as I don’t eat the whole bowl, I think WS will be happy. He was really worried about me yesterday. Not being able to eat anything spicy definitely isn’t normal for me.

07/24/2002

In the Positive column: I must be the only person on the planet that just doesn’t “get” the show “Sex and the City”. Nope. I don’t get it, don’t like it, and don’t know why everyone else does. Obviously, the sublimal messages that no doubt pepper that show just aren’t getting through to my brain and for that, I’m thankful.

In the Negative column: I picked up a bunch of car cleaning stuff yesterday but I don’t have any time to use any of it until early next week at the soonest! I’ve got a car event half the day on Friday and the entire day and most of the night on Saturday. Sunday we’ll be recovering from spending that much time in the sun and walking around. I have Monday off for my birthday and because WS I never think of doing anything for my birthday, I’ll probably start cleaning the car then. So much fun, it’s sad.

My job really sucks right now. Lots of job territory grabbing because BikerDude’s last day is next week. Of course, I’m not being included in the frantic land grab emails flying back and forth and have to find out half of what is going on from WS. In my current job responsibility, my hands are tied when it comes to creating and entering new information due to my manager at company headquarter who has too many irons in the fire and is holding me up. So I’m left to answer customer email, all 25 of them, over an 8 hour period of time…for the past 3 weeks. Because I’m too paranoid, I won’t do anything else with my time other than to just sit here in case my boss, MsNoManagementSkills, calls or pages me. I could be cleaning the house, doing laundry, taking a shower, refilling the bird feeders, scooping dog poop in the backyard, taking a walk or a nap, reading a book or watching TV, but NOOoOooo. When it comes to my job, I’m the most paranoid person in the world. The malicious antics of my coworkers don’t help any. Someone probably has a web camera trained on me right now.

Oh, don’t snicker. It’s been done before. I’m serious.

I’ve been sooo hungry lately. I so badly need to get back on my weight watching track since my dental/medical work. The problem here is that there’s ice cream bars in the freezer from last weekend when it was very, very hot and there isn’t any good, low calorie food in the house (nor will there be until next week). Between the dentist, the car club who wants our time, and my job, I’ve been eating every comfort food I can get my hands on. I need to get my head in the right place and then go on a couple day detox binge to clear up my face and drop a couple of pounds. At least I’m within 3 pounds of my weight a couple of weeks ago when I was being very good. I can do this again.

August 2002

08/05/2002

You know it’s been a slow news media weekend when the top stories are only about local athletes going to court over old drug/alcohol problems. Even I had a more eventful weekend, driving my car off a curb and suffering minor underbody fiberglass damage and a bent bolt. The rest of my weekend was fun but expensive and involving lots of driving. WS and I were registered to participate in a local car club event in a city 75 miles away. Since we can’t spend the night at local hotel/motels, we opted to drive from the event every evening and back in the early mornings. For three days. I now have 2200 miles on my car, which I’m getting used to. I originally didn’t want to put lots of mileage on my car, but I’m struggling with wanting to enter car shows, the most prestigious of which requires you have 10,000 miles on your car to compete with everyone else. Otherwise, my car will be in a different class and inspected with magnifying glasses. Literally.

Now that I just typed and reread that part, it sounds really stupid. No, I still don’t want a lot of mileage on my car. I don’t need to enter car shows that badly. I don’t need to tear up my car just to get it judged by someone else. That’s wacky thinking.

So, both WS and I are basically exhausted, having gotten very little sleep since last Thursday. It’s early bedtime for us tonight. As it is, I’m on Midol and aspirin all day for cramps and really wish I wasn’t working. But, I’ve only got a half a day to go and actually do have work to do. Currently, I’m working on trying to clean up the house, put things away that we purchased at the car event and get loads of laundry done. Oh, and I’m back on my weight watching ritual. I’ve only gained back 3 pounds from my ending weight of 162 but my pants are starting to feel tight. Time to up the exercise and watch the food intake.

This week, I have a doctor appointment tomorrow, a car club board meeting Thursday night and a tech day event on Saturday. The weekend after next, I originally was going to go to Seattle for a car show, but I’ve nearly changed my mind. I may drive along just to support the club, but I don’t want to spend the night beforehand or show my car. It’s just too much work too soon after this last weekend. Who know? I may change my mind back, but right now, feeling as tired and crampy as I do, I may not either.

It’s supposed to rain today. Gosh, I hope so! It’s been a month since we’ve had any rain and we need it badly. I long to see everything washed down. I’m trying hard not to think about fall, my favorite time of year. If I start thinking about fall too soon, I get depressed when summer hangs on longer than mid September. Last year, fall weather didn’t even start until the last week in October and I was depressed from August to November. I hate summer.

08/07/2002

In the Positive column: Since my insomnia was getting worse, a couple of weeks ago I started using a sleep mask called a Bucky over my eyes at night. The great thing about a Bucky is that it’s soft and comforting and it blocks out 100% of the light. Our bedroom is bright at night, even with the blinds closed completely.

In the Negative column: It takes a day or two to get used to a strap around your head and you sleep so deeply that it seems that 5 minutes after you put it on at night, it’s suddenly morning. I’m sure I’m sleeping deeply; I’m dreaming heavily, but I feel that the night just flies by so fast, I’m not actually enjoying the action of sleeping. But because I do feel that my day-to-day work performance is better, I’m not giving up my Bucky anytime soon.

We had a long talk yesterday about WS’s obsession over obsessing over everything. This week, he’s obsessing over the amount of stress he’s dealing with and thinking that his chest has been feeling tight lately, meaning he might have a heart attack someday. So he called to make a doctor’s appointment and instantly felt better. He does this every few years and every few years, at the doctor’s office, they find him just fine, with the exception of needing to lose a little weight. The problem is, about 4 months after getting a green light from his doctor, WS starts the obsessing behaviour all over again, thinking that the stress level he is dealing with is too high and maybe his chest is feeling tight again, meaning he might have a heart attack someday. This just builds and builds until 4 years later when he finally calls for another doctor’s appointment. Oh, and he won’t take care of himself or lose that bit of weight or eat good to help prevent any possible heart attack. I see this as a ploy for attention from anyone but me and I don’t have any pity for anyone who is a blatant attention-seeker when it comes to aches and pains. Too many sessions sitting with old people who complain about the aches and pains of getting old, I guess. We also talked about him going on medication to stop the obsessions, knowing full well that he will either turn into a blissfully ignorant zombie or a paranoid basket case. And, oh yes! We know what we’re talking about here. We know no less than 1 dozen people on Zoloft, Prozac, and a handful of other anti-anxiety/anti-depression drugs and every single one of them have major problems balancing zombie behaviour with paranoid, irrational behaviour. We also know no less than 9 other people who have decided to quit their anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication with their doctor’s mixed blessing (the doctors all push the continued use of the drugs HARD) and every single one of these people say that the problems that they had to take the drugs for, all come rushing back after stopping medication and they have to deal them anyway. My thinking is, deal with the problems now and get over them. Don’t put them on hold because when you go off the medication, you don’t know that you won’t have a whole new bunch of problems to deal with and you don’t need past problems on top of that. Just deal with life, people! If you have to take drugs just to cope, just take a few extra doses to end it all and give up your space so the rest of us can live without listening to you.

I so need to wash the car. I was going to do it yesterday but because of a dentist appointment, I had to work late, past dark. This morning, I was counting on WS’s alarm to get up early but he set it for 9 am instead of his usual 7 am. I’ll wash it this evening.

In work related news, BikerDude’s last day was last Friday. Because we had other obligations, we didn’t attend his going away dinner at a local crappy, “fun and fast paced” restaurant (we wouldn’t have gone anyway because MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead arranged it). So BikerDude called us all weekend long and even logged into work, trying to get a hold of us for some reason. Obviously, no one has changed the company security levels so he can’t continue to log into our company’s software support program and Instant Message his ex-coworkers. Monday night, he showed up over here in person and sat around until midnight, saying very little and acting like he didn’t know what to do with himself. It seemed to both WS and I that he was waiting for something and we come to find out this morning that he was waiting for us to give him some sort of going away gift! WTF? We don’t know where he might have gotten the idea that we had anything for him or that we give anyone gifts. WS and I don’t give each other gifts, let along give things to others. Remember, BikerDude is the guy who tried to get both WS and I to lose our jobs throughout the past 3 years with MsNoManagementSkills’ and FatHead’s encouragement so he could get his friends a work-at-home job and collect a headhunter finder’s fee. This is the guy who purposely withheld information from both WS and I throughout our working years in hopes of us being fired. The same guy who backstabbed and double-talked his way into getting company headquarter coworkers into later admitting they were told not to trust us any further than they could throw us. And he expected and wanted something from us just for leaving the company? Fat chance, bud. I raised a toast to you in private to having a good rest of your life, but it all ended there for me…with the exception of waiting with baited breath to see what happens when he, MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead all go to Mexico together next month. Something tells me either MsNoManagementSkills or FatHead will confess that they pushed hard for his job departure. After all, it’s BikerDude’s relative’s home that they will all be vacationing in. Maybe he and MsNoManagementSkills will have broken off their sexual relationship by then? Juicy stuff.

08/08/2002

I hate days like today. The entire week has flown by and then today, it drags on and on. Like right now. I swear, 5 hours have gone by, yet the clock shows it as only 15 minutes past. Please hurry up, day. I’m so very tired of working this week.

In the Negative column: Something is going on at my job. Yesterday, my supervisor changed all the security passwords, a common practice when someone leaves the company, but he removed my access to an area that shows me my daily, weekly and monthly hours worked. When I asked him about it, he questioned why I wanted access to it. I think I have a right to know what my own hours worked are since I’m salary and don’t fill out a time card every week. I’ve had this access as a supervisor, because I’m supposed to be one, for the past 2 years. Why would it just now be taken away, and then questioned when I wanted it back? He finally said he would return that access, but of course, he didn’t and no emails asking about it are being answered. I’m completely being ignored.

In other odd work news, the areas I usually work in have been kept free from any work all day. Very unusual. Very, very unusual and I suspect MsNoManagementSkills has me under the microscope to see what I will do if I have no obvious work to do. That’s the way this company operates. If your areas are free from work, you had better find something to do that is highly visible or your job position will be questioned. And this company is looking to cut jobs and improve productivity, although I don’t know how they will pull both of those off if there are less people to be productive with. Oh yeah. It’ll be just like last year when they cut 44 percent of our department and made us all work twice as hard for no extra pay. I guess that’s what that less than 1K a year raise I just got was all about.

In the Positive column: At least I still have a job. I’ll keep telling myself that and it will all be better in no time. I still have a job. I still have a job. I still have a job.

We get to sleep late both days this weekend for the first time since April and you can bet we’re really looking forward to it. We are burnt! Too much car stuff, too much job catch-up sessions, too many projects, too much responsibility. Of course, I’ll sleep with my Bucky on and both nights will seem like they are only 5 minutes long…just like I wish today was going. Instead, it’s been only 10 minutes since I started writing this AND I even took a phone call and changed the laundry in the middle of writing. Today is just dragging!

08/09/2002

In the Positive column: We attended a car club Board meeting last night.

In the Negative column: The meeting turned into a personal baggage dumping ground and 2 of the people we like the most, the ones who inspired us to join this club, were told they do too much, participate too much and other members thought of the club as the Dave and Linda club and not the club’s official name. It was Dave and Linda who formed the club, it’s Dave and Linda who pick up all the slack, and believe me, there is a lot of slack, and charge into each situation if it appears to be faltering. The other club members don’t like this. We, being new members just within 2 weeks new, don’t have any baggage or history with Dave and Linda. We just know that they, for us, are icons of hard work, high interest and caring of the club and inspiration. The other members, while very nice, seem somewhat ready for the retirement home from time to time.

Anyway, accusations flew, tears were shed, regular reports were unable to be read. What should have been a crowning moment for a weekend event that made some serious money for the club, instead, fingers were pointed and a couple of people resigned completely from their position and their membership. Then the topic of club president came up. Dave was nominated last month to be the next club president and apparently, 2 of the 3 club-appointed presidential search committee members don’t want Dave as president. Who cares what they want? They’re just supposed to interview and chose potential candidates. It’s the club who chooses who they ultimately want.

We didn’t know what to think. Part of us wishes we didn’t show up, part of us are glad we witnessed the whole thing. Still, these are supposed to be grown up, responsible, mature people who hold important roles in society. My eyes are opening to the antics of upper-upper middle class people and it’s not anything I thought it would be. People are petty and have no problem stepping on toes and then pointing that action out in public. I was ignorant to all of this and figured the more money and position a person has, the more mature a person acts. Wrong-O!

Another work day going slow. I’ve got 6 and a half hours left and it couldn’t go by too soon. I’ve got other non-work things to do today so hopefully that will take up some time. Vacuuming, dusting, non-eating, reading, drinking lots of water, raking grass, more non-eating, organizing crap that WS keeps leaving piles of everywhere. Yep. This should all take about an hour….sigh.

Martha Stewart isn’t looking terribly good today. She’s pale and pasty looking. You can see stress and anger on her face and touches of fear in her eyes. I just noticed it. Jennifer Aniston is everywhere and I’m tired of seeing her. I would give a lot to have the body of Jillian Barberie.

In the Positive column: I only have 6 and a half hours of work left before the weekend. We get to sleep late both days (allegedly). We might go have breakfast tomorrow morning, or at least get coffee (I should do that right now or at least make some here). We’re going to work on the car later in the afternoon after taking a long drive and we’re supposed to go to a BBQ tomorrow night. Sunday, WS works from home but it’s fairly low key. It’s going to be 90-95 degrees on Sunday so I think we’ll just close up the house, turn up the air conditioning and stay cool. I need to burn some CDs anyway to get that task off my to-do list.

Have a good weekend and live like you’ll won’t be here tomorrow!

08/12/2002

In the Negative column: It going to be very, very hot here today, temperature-wise. I hate summer.

In the Postive column: I’ve got lots of sun tea made, the air conditioning on, a fan running directly on me, and I don’t have a job that requires that I work outside.

The fan is sitting on a table a short distance from me and just a few minutes ago, the sun started shining through the office skylight directly onto the fan. The shiny metal blades are now reflecting the sunlight in a pulsing matter that makes the room look like a lit disco ball is spinning in it. It’s kind of cool and relaxing and making me think that I really need to burn some CDs. Next weekend, I’ll be making a trip out of town alone to participate in a car show that I’m scared to death to compete in. WS can’t get time off work so I’ll be participating in an early Saturday show and shine a few miles away, then I’ll be driving a few hundred miles away with a couple of other car club members to spend the night before entering our cars bright and early Sunday morning at a car dealership show. Several other car club members will be heading for the show around 4 am Sunday morning and we’ll all return to town together late Sunday. I desperately need some new CDs to take along, especially since I’ll be driving without a passenger and navigator.

Last Saturday, we spent the day installing some minor upgrades to our car and helping other club members install or fix parts on their cars. Yesterday, I felt burnt out and spent the day reading, watching TV, cleaning the house and napping. Today, mixed in with work, I’m polishing parts of the car again and will work on cleaning the leather inside in early preparation for the upcoming car shows.

The weekend after next, we are invited to spend the day at a rich club member’s house at the beach for a BBQ. Yes, we are going to this. We’ve haven’t made it to the beach in years and we sorely miss it. We won’t need to work on making the car look nice for that trip and it will be a good break from the show and shines. The season is starting to come to an end and I am not disappointed.

I’ve been doing okay on watching my weight again…until yesterday when I had a Gardenburger, thinking it would be better than a regular burger, especially since I don’t eat beef. This morning, my weight is up from 162 to 165 again. Crap. Now, it’s back to protein, protein, protein, lots of water and herbal tea and up-ing my physical activity. How irratating.

Why did Nicholas Cage marry Lisa Marie Presley? I really like Mr. Cage but I don’t think he clearly thinks through who he marries. I think his personality is to make great friends with some women and he thinks the next step is to get married, but he should just remain friends with them instead. He’s is one of those who is always looking for the next big thrill or adventure and not one to keep his feet on the ground with any one relationship. I wish them the best and I hope I am wrong.

08/14/2002

In the Positive column: Thank goodness the month of August is nearly halfway over. August and September are my least favorite months and the least favorite time of year for me. This month is flying by so far.

Some people from the car club I joined tried to find our house last night. Luckily, they didn’t find it because we were both sweaty here and didn’t have the house clean at all. Cat litter was everywhere and we didn’t exactly smell like flowers. I sent off directions to our house, cleaned the place, and am ready for visitors maybe this evening. The neighbors, all those who have picked on us, called us unflattering names, spread rumors about us and our car purchase, and now, don’t talk to us will really have something to talk about when our driveway and the street are filled with a bunch more of these luxury sports cars. Their loss, really. I had no idea that the wealth of one couple, however brief or long that wealth lasts, could have such a drastic effect on an entire block of families. We definitely don’t flaunt what we’ve recently purchased and I’m not embarrassed to wash my car every week or so, but as much as I am nice and courteous, rarely will any of our neighbors say “hi” or anything back. I just get glared at mostly and ignored the rest of the time. People are strange.

From tomorrow evening on, it is busy, busy, busy for us. We have a car club meeting, a possible cruise-in about an hour away from home, a show and shine early Saturday and then I leave with part of the club to drive a couple of hundred miles away to a big city to participate in a big show and shine. WS has to stay home and work, poor guy, but will all the other running around to do, he’ll need the quiet time while I’m away to catch his breath and catch up on work. I’m both excited and nervous about making this trip and spending the night far away from home alone, as usual. About once every couple of years, I take a business trip to company headquarters for a few days, which would be so much fun and educational if it wasn’t that MsNoManagementSkills always has to come along too and squash all the fun with her seriousness and butting into every conversation if it isn’t all about her.

I’ll have a lot of car cleaning to do once I get there and I’ll be doing it alone. Hopefully, the weather will be cooler than here and cloudy. The car’s color always looks better on cloudy days and hopefully, I won’t sweat too much. Whenever I get very focused on something, like detailing the car, I start sweating horribly, mostly my head, with my hair becoming soaked and my face turning bright red. The rest of me is usually fine. It just looks and feels awful.

In the Negative column: I have a ton of laundry to do, I need to finish polishing the car one final time before starting on the interior cleaning, then it’s shower time and another couple of hours of work, including burning a couple of CDs for the upcoming weekend. Oh, and we have very little food in the house, which is good for my weight watching, but bad for my paycheck timing. I can’t afford to grocery shop until tomorrow night and by then, we’ll be in the midst of the busy weekend. If I want to grocery shop, it won’t be until nearly midnight tomorrow night after the meeting. Otherwise, it’s out for dinner every night until WS goes shopping while I’m out of town, IF he goes shopping at all. He doesn’t mind grocery shopping; he’d just prefer that we go together. Dinners out can’t happen until the paycheck gets deposited either, so tonight is going to be interesting. I think we have a couple of old TV dinners in the back of the freezer. A couple that neither one of us decided looked very appetizing after we bought them. It’s interesting what a person will eat if they are hungry enough.

In the Positive column: Only 2 and a half more days of work and the weather is supposed to start cooling back down (under 90 degree) tomorrow. C’mon fall weather. Please be early this year!

08/21/2002

Sorry about the delay in posting. What a weekend I had!

Last Saturday, I participated in a car show about 45 minutes from where I live. I got there about a half an hour early and got a great parking space. After wiping down the car from any road dirt I might have picked up, we sat around in the sun and socialized. In the meantime, the business that put on the car show fired up a huge BBQ grill and started BBQ-ing ribs and bratwurst. Unfortunately, the smoke from the grill dumped tons of greasy droplets all over my car and being as it was hot and sunny outside, I couldn’t re-wipe down or wash the car because it would just smear and waterspot it. So I had to just leave it that way for the drive home before taking off for the 200 mile trip to another car show the following day.

A couple of car club people followed me home to drop of WS before we all left for the trip and they got to see where we live. Unfortunately, not many of our neighbors were around to see all the sports cars parked out in front of our house. I know this sounds snobby but it’s just in retaliation for all the bad-mouthing the neighbors are doing about us since I bought my car. Maybe I’ll have the car club people over again before the end of summer, maybe not. It wouldn’t change what anyone says anyway.

We took off for the long drive, which turned out to not be that long of a drive because these other people drive fast! It’s funny that a bunch of people who are mostly 10 or more years older than me can be so responsible and respectable in real life, but such a bad influence when it comes to driving to a car club event. These people do not waste time! Anyway, I stuck right with them and even set a new high-speed record for myself in my car. No, I’m not telling what that speed was. There may be law enforcement people reading this and I want everyone to know that I was still within the posted speed limit for my state.

After checking into the hotel, we found a car wash and I was finally able to get that greasy rib and wiener juice off my car…which may have only added to the depth and sheen of the polish I spend last week putting on. Later, we had dinner and all went to bed easly. The next morning, we got up and headed for the show at 7 am and it was only then did I decide to enter the Concours class, which is the most difficult and most harshly judged car class to enter. I couldn’t enter the Show and Shine class because car show rules state that those cars have to have a minimum of 10,000 miles on their car and I have less than 3000. There was no other class to enter and I figured if nothing else, this would be a learning experience for me. Probably a humiliating experience, but an educational one in any case.

I was parked in a special location with other Concours entrants, away from my car club since I was the only one from the club entering this class and I started cleaning and detailing my car. About a half an hour into cleaning, one of the car club people who drove up with me came over and asked if I had entered a different class than the rest of the club. I told him and he just started laughing and laughing and said it took balls to enter the class I was now in. Visions of getting slaughtered and blood and guts and severe humiliation and people pointing at me and lots of hard belly laughing filled my head and as I went back to work cleaning and detailing my car I told myself I could still write “Do Not Judge” on my entry sheet anytime.

With half an hour left to clean cars (you only have a limited amount of time to clean – usually 2 hours), the first of the group of three judges came by and judged my car on the mechanical aspects. Since my car is fairly new, I flew through this part of the judging, although it did take 20 minutes and during one part, a yellow jacket wasp was in my car with me, flying around my head. With 10 minutes left to clean, I finished up as fast as I could, but still missed a couple of spots that I just didn’t have time to hit.

It was then that I decided to go through with the rest of the judging. Interior and Exterior judging takes about an hour per car. The judges are certified and go over the cars with a fine-toothed comb, checking off points for chips, body damage, scratches, dirt, anything they deem as something that can should have been fixed or cleaned up. It was very nerve wracking, with one judge asking me all kinds of questions about the car while the other one was looking into every nook and cranny of my interior and engine compartment for lint and dust and water spots and the like.

Finally, my judging was over, I took pictures of my car, knowing it was probably cleaner than when I took delivery of it at the dealership, and finally started to relax. I walked over to a coffee shop and bought coffee and grapes for lunch and then sat around with the car club group. 5 other cars had driven up very early that morning to participate and we ended up with a lot of people there from our club. Around 3 pm, the show officials started naming the winners and no one, and I do mean, no one was more surprised to hear that I had tied for first place in the Concours class! I cried, partly from the surprise and mostly because of the stress and hard work I had put myself through. It was my first official car show entered and it was my first win. I still don’t believe it.

Immediately afterward, a couple from my hometown with a brand new, special edition sports car started protesting, thinking that by driving their brand new car practically off the showroom floor and up to the show, that they should have won 1st place. As it was, they won 3rd, and the husband demanded to see my scoresheets while the wife just glared at me from across the parking lot. These people rule the other car club they belong to from my hometown with an iron fist (which is the reason we didn’t want to join that club) and no one in their right mind crosses them by winning a higher place in a car show. So I figured later that I probably pissed them off pretty well. Whatever. The whole thing was still a good educational experience and I don’t have to worry about any other car shows until next year. This was the last one for the season this year. I refuse to get involved in politics of car clubs and car shows and winning isn’t as important to me as in supporting the car club of my choice.

The drive home, while fun cruising at freeway speeds with 7 similar cars all in a group, was uneventful. I surprised WS with my award when I got home and we both look forward to getting the official engraved trophy in a couple of weeks.

Monday, we got an invite to go out to dinner to a fancy restaurant Wednesday night with a couple of car club people so I’m working as much as I can today so I can take off early to get ready to go. Tomorrow night, we have another car event, a cruise up to a fancy lodge about 60 miles away. Tomorrow is also WS’s birthday. I got him a bunch of cards but didn’t buy him anything else because 1) I didn’t know what to get him. He’s bad about expressing that, and 2) He handles the budget this year and I know we are tight on money this month. Buying something would only stress him out.

This coming Sunday, we have a cruise with the car club to the coast to someone’s beach house and I hope that trip, combined with a fancy dinner tonight, a trip to the lodge tomorrow night, and all my birthday cards will help make for an “okay” birthday. He did get a $250 gift card from his other job for a customer service award last month and he hasn’t spent any of it yet, so maybe he’ll find time to go out shopping on Saturday. If so, I’ll go along to see if I can get anything for him too. I think he’ll like that.

08/26/2002

In the Negative column: The weekend flew by way too fast. I didn’t have any time to myself to enjoy any of it until…

In the Positive column: …about 10:15 last night when I collapsed with exhaustion in my own bed and slept like I was dead.

Saturday we spent the day cleaning the house and doing a little yard work in case we had company. Since we didn’t end up with any company, we had a light dinner out for Tex-Mex food and went to the movies to see Goldmember, the 3rd Austin Powers movie. Pretty juvenile but funny! The theatre was actually quiet in the background so we could hear the movie. That hasn’t happened in well over 5 years for us, causing us to rarely, very rarely go to a theatre to see anything.

In the Negative column: Sunday morning, we headed out for the beach with a dozen other sports cars in our car club. The weather channel said it would be cool and cloudy, but it was actually sunny and hot. We weren’t prepared for hot weather and spent the day uncomfortably sweating in our heavy shirts and jeans. The house we ended up at was a good half a mile from the beach itself and down in a valley so none of the ocean breezes reached us until we all headed out on foot for the ocean. More uncomfortable sweating and overheating. Once we got to the beach, nearly everyone stood around way up from the water and only 3 of us took off our shoes and got our toes wet. It was like no one really wanted to be at the beach. How strange. WS wouldn’t take off his shoes and didn’t want to touch the water, but I waded into the cold water for about 10 minutes before we all headed back to the house. Ugh! Not what I would have expected. WS wasn’t having fun, no one else seemed to be having much fun, but once we got back, the joking started in and everyone seemed to loosen up.

About an hour later, we all took off for home and we had a good time driving back together. Still, it was strange to drive 2 hours to the beach, only get 10 minutes at the water, spend 3 hours sweating in a small, hot, un-cooled home only to turn around and head back 2 home. WS and I need to take another trip on our own later this summer just to make up for this. I felt deprived and depressed and I know WS felt very much the same way. He took a day off from work for this and I know that after getting back home, he would have rather stayed home working. It was that strange.

But in the Positive column: I still got to go to the beach. I still got to touch the water. I still got to smell the ocean air. I’ll keep remembering this. I don’t have any sore or bad feelings for everyone else who wanted only to socialize and not acknowledge the ocean to the degree that I do. I’m very different that way.

In the Negative column: But one thing I have noticed about this group of car club people: Most of them drink, fairly heavily, and a number of them drink and drive. I get the sense that a lot of them are high-strung or over-bred or something. Under a lot of pressure, or something and they want to dull things or escape through alcohol. I’ve been around people like this, but not to this large degree and not with so many people that are held in high esteem in society. It’s a side of upper class life that I didn’t expect and am surprised at.

In other news, a couple of teenage girls who were missing from close to where we live were found today, dead and buried in a backyard of a guy they knew. LOTS of extra traffic in our area going to the crime scene to view the growing memorial of flowers, candles, balloons, and notes being placed on a fence surrounding that property. News helicopters have been buzzing the area all day and I imagine all day yesterday too. Thousands upon thousands of dollars were spent nationwide trying to find these girls only to have them turn up just around the corner from where they lived. Thank goodness they were finally found, but it is still sad and sickening. Just sickening.

Work, work, work today. Later this evening, I have to wash the car from the trip yesterday. Throughout the day, I’ll be finishing up some yard work and hoe-ing some weeds. It’s cloudy and somewhat cooler today so at least I won’t get heat stroke from working outside. I’ll keep an eye and an ear on work at the same time, in case anything comes up. MsNoManagementSkills adds to her Online Journal that she is the sole person testing a bug in the software we use and loves proving the rest of us wrong. The problem is she isn’t the only one working on it. I’ve been trying to reproduce it for over 2 weeks and she isn’t proving anyone wrong. She’s just full of herself, as usual, and making the rest of us who read her Online Journal feel like crap. Nice hit to the morale. She’s so good at this and if she loves anything, it’s making herself look like she knows what she’s doing while making it look like the rest of us are morons. I imagine the rest of the work week will go on like this. I’ll have to make sure I get lots of sleep so I can handle the extra stress. Thank goodness she and FatHead go on vacation soon. It will be like a vacation for the rest of us too. But when she comes back, the stress will be tripled. More on how this works later. I’m not going to think about that right now.

Thanks for reading!

08/28/2002

In the Negative column: Great! MsNoManagementSkills, the person I and my co-workers have to report to every day is officially diagnosed as a pyscho by her doctor and needs immediate social counselling. And she can’t remember when or who to make the counselor appointment with, nor will she call back her doctor to find out. And we have to continue to report to this woman! Wonderful! Now you understand part of why I’ve been complaining about her (and her husband, FatHead). It makes so much more sense now to others how she was able to get away with getting co-workers fired from their jobs here, how she manipulates everyone around her and vies for attention constantly while belittling and lying about the rest of us to company CEOs and co-workers at company headquarters. Of course, the CEO just sent her flowers “in hopes it will make her feel better”. A person doesn’t get un-psycho-ed after receiving flowers. I suspect the CEO will next tell her to take a bit longer on her upcoming vacation to “feel better” too. Jesus! SOMEONE PLEASE GET RID OF THIS WOMAN AND HER MANIPULATIVE HUSBAND, FatHead! They have singlehandedly dragged morale of all co-workers through the gutter and keeping they both working for this company will only seal this company’s ultimate fate, failure.

Of course, no one will listen. But hey! Maybe she’ll get even more flowers…

More Negative column reading: I’m actually looking forward to my period this month. About a week before that time of the month, I get extremely hungry. Irrationally hungry. Sometimes I eat everything I can and other months, I fight it and stay on course in my eating habits. This month I’m eating everything. It would be best today if no one got their fingers anywhere near my face because I just might eat those too. I so need to refill my Xenadrine bottle but that’s a week away accourding to my budget.

I took my car to a cruise-in last night that ended up being a car show instead and I was unprepared. It didn’t matter though since I was forced to park in a greasy, dusty parking lot and instantly, the car was covered in dirt. I didn’t win anything and I’ll now wait until the weekend to wash it. We have one more car show to attend this season in a couple of weeks and no one is more happy about that than us. We are nearly burnt out on this whole thing and continue to be squeezed for time. We’ve been neglecting each other and our house. And to get an idea of how deeply we dove into this whole car show thing, we’re actually missing cleaning the house. So sad but true.

WS is snappy today. He’s been putting off a lot of little things which are now turning into big things demanding immediate attention. I’m taking his cue and getting through a few items I need to address so they won’t pile up like his. If his list was measureable in feet, it would tower over our house. I hate it when he puts off stuff, whether he has the time to do them or not. He is time-manage challenged.

08/28/2002

A BIG Thank You goes out to everyone who suggested that I change the colors of this Blog to something that was a little easier on the eyes to read. Sorry, it took so long for me to change, but you were all right. This format is easier to read. Anyone who knows me knows I am very partial to dark and contrasting colors. These colors, while nearly as light as can be, are much cleaner looking. Hopefully, anyone who stopped reading because of the old format will find their way back.

Very hot here today; nearly 100 degree F. The birds we feed outside are all perched under the bird feeder in the shade. I’m surprised more aren’t bathing in the sprinklers as is usually the case in hot weather.

More Positives: I got an email back from a car part supplier letting me know that the refund I requested for a part I ordered that didn’t fit right is on it’s way. No problems. No hassles. Oh, to dream that the rest of life could be this easy.

08/29/2002

In the Negative column: Don’t you just love it when you find out either your boss or your co-workers are taking a day/week/month off, unauthorized, without telling anyone and the only way you find out and can prepare yourself is by reading their Online Journal? Especially, if you ask them point blank and they out-right lie and either say they aren’t or to mind your own business? EXCUSE ME but it IS my business if I have to do the work of 2 or more because they choose to advertise on the Internet that they’re taking time off while not telling their own co-workers! How fucked up is this? Just the norm’ where I work. And yes, I’d still bitch about it if I were paid more, but I’m not. Remember, I got a whopping 1K a year raise after waiting nearly 2 years for any kind of cost of living raise due to the dot.com meltdown.

In the Positive column: MsNoManagementSkills won’t be bothering me much tomorrow since she is taking the day off. She’ll reserve that for early tomorrow morning or later this afternoon. Either way, I still have a job. I still have a job. I still have a job.

Time for some admissions here: I hate most American TV shows. Not because of any reason other than they insult my intelligence. Top of the list of shows I hate (and sure to ostracize myself from all of society):

Friends on NBC. They lost me years ago when they had the monkey episode immediately followed by the “Ross is having a baby” storyline, way before anyone else had a baby. Any show that cheeses out by bringing in pregnancy and childbirth to boost ratings for bleeding-heart family value hypocrites loses me permanently. Also in this same class: ER. The rest are insignificant older shows that have since been dropping in ratings or cancelled only to be replaced with even more pathetic, mind-numbing shows about the same thing. Mad About You comes to mind instantly. Can’t shows like Friends, Everyone Loves Raymond (everyone certainly DOES NOT love Raymond), and the like just die off? NO! Because stupid people tune in week after week after week like they’ve been programmed to do so. Programmed by who? Think about it.

Another class of American TV show I hate are the overly obvious “east coast” locale shows. Anything with “NY” or “Boston” or “Chicago” in the title is a big tip off, but not limited. If television producers had their own way, only NY, Chicago, Boston, and California would exist and all other states would be wiped from the earth. Oh, unless you need a character from “out of town”. Then they’d need Arkansas. Hello? There is life outside of NY. Token efforts like Fraiser based in Seattle, but spun off and originally based back east, doesn’t count. I can honestly say I never want to visit the east coast solely because of years of exposure to east coast television programs. No, I’m not kidding. Sorry. Write your television programming director to tell him if you feel it will change anything. My guess is it won’t.

Enough admissions for now.

In the Positive column: It is cloudy and cooler so far today. High supposed to be 20 degrees cooler than yesterday’s hot 100 degrees F. Which means it will actually be around 86. As much as I like paying attention to weather and weather trends, I’d really like to make between 36 and 80+ thousand a year to be wrong 70+ percent of the time. It’d be a lot more than I currently make, but then again, I’d have to drive to work everyday. I still have a job where I work from home. I still have a job where I work from home. I still have a job where I work from home. I wonder if I said “I like my job” enough times, I’d start believing it.

08/30/2002

Happy birthday to my ex-husband. I hope you and my sister still like getting together to cheat on your spouses together and may those spouses be more forgiving than I was.

Bruce Springsteen could die tomorrow and I for one wouldn’t miss him a bit. I’ve never liked, even remotely, Bruce or his music. The VH1 Video Music awards last night wasn’t much of a surprise. This year was boring with Jimmy Fallon dying in the opening minutes. I don’t blame him. I just don’t think he was prepared for this type of crowd. I thought he looked like he was constantly waiting for someone to turn on the audience’s LAUGH sign. Downright uncomfortable at times. Note to Pink: Never publicly admit you are drunk. Even if you puke. Did it look like Avril and Lisa Presley weren’t exactly friends or was that just me? And thank you, Axl, for trying to make a comeback. Now go and buy a voice and start a vigorous aerobic training routine. You ain’t 20 years old anymore and nothing is worse than an aged rock star trying to make a comeback with a failed voice and constantly out of breath. Hope you succeed, dude. The world needs something other than all the Rap and Pop crap that has everyone brainwashed into thinking it is really “rock” music. It isn’t.

My boss has taken the day off without notice to anyone. Of course, all hell breaks loose and no one can find anything. I’m all for her taking off because things usually run more smoothly. It’s her coming back to work that everyone dreads. She always, always comes back all perky and rested and sends us little notes like “Okay, team! I’m all rested and you should be too! Let’s get back to work!” I’m not kidding. She actually thinks that just because she takes a day or a week or a vacation here and there and spends the time resting and relaxing, that everyone else will feel the same and we should all dive back into work. Talk about self-centered! Yes, the universe revolves around her. Is it any wonder most of us can’t stand her? We long for the day she will permanently leave this company.

I went to the dentist very, very early this morning and had a upper back molar removed. It’s a tooth I’ve wanted removed for at least 5 years. It originally grew in sideways and it was never used to eat because it was so crooked. Last Tuesday during my dental cleaning and while the hygienist was having such a hard time cleaning this tooth, we again discussed having it removed and this time, the dentist agreed. After he took it out this morning, I asked to see it and sure enough, it was shaped disgustingly like a U with a huge root system already corroded with years of plague buildup that no one would have ever been able to reach. Cavities and infections were just waiting to happen. While my jaw is aching pretty good right now, I am so happy to have that tooth out.

Nice cloudy day here today. I am so ready for fall weather but I know that won’t happen for at least 6 more weeks at the earliest. This morning while on the way to the dentist, I saw three deer wandering around a fairly busy intersection. Everyone else driving seemed to be aware of them as well and people were being cautious, a departure from the norm from what I witness here in this town. Maybe it was all the early-morning, Starbucks-drinking, environmentally-aware, yuppie-types that are out at that time of day. Hoorah for them! The deer looked a bit thin to me though and if we have a hard winter, they will probably suffer. We haven’t had a hard winter here since 1996 and even so, while I don’t want any animals to suffer and think far too many do, I long for a cold winter with lots of snow. We rarely get any here and when we do, it never lasts more than a day. Not exactly what WS told me was normal before moving us here. It’s funny how people remember things differently from reality when they were younger. A person would think it snowed feet upon feet of snow here back in the ’70′s if you listened to him, when in actuality, the deepest snow this area has ever received in over a 100 years was 11 inches. Must be that male method of measurement.

Nothing planned for the Labor Day holiday other than yard work. I desperately need to weed the back area behind our house. It needed done back in early July but only a crazy person would have gone back there in the heat of July and August. I can’t get WS to want to do anything else but sit in front of the computer and TV. I hate it when he gets like this. I feel like life is passing us by and I’ll be real pissed if, in 10 years, he finally sees things that way too. All that wasted time.

08/31/2002

It’s all in the Negative column today: WS and I just aren’t getting along terribly well this week. I think it started last weekend when we got overheated on that beach car cruise that turned out so strange and with little time spent at any actual beach. Since then, we’ve both been snappy. WS also has gotten into the habit of telling me some long drawn out explanation of something I usually could care less about, but then leaves out some key element that causes friction of the bad kind later on. For example, last week, WS went through our budget and said “We’re just fine.” In all previous situations where he has read through and updated the budget and then stated “We’re just fine.” it has meant that we have something more than six dollars to our name. So, since WS stayed home from work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and now we have a U.S. 3-day holiday upon us, I was getting pretty antsy to get out of the house and do something. WS, on the other hand, knew something I didn’t know and would rather sit around in front of the computer, or the TV or read a Star Wars science fiction book.

Yesterday afternoon, I’d had it and asked if we were going to continue to sit around for the rest of the evening as well like we have for the last 4 days and he asked what I wanted to do that didn’t cost anything. “Don’t we have any money?” I ask. “You went through the budget just a few daya ago and said we’re just fine.” WS replies that yes, we’re just fine but we won’t be if we spend anything. Again, I see this as beating around the bush. “Exactly what does that mean?” I ask.

To make a long story short, it took a heated arguement and a half an hour later before he would just give me a budget figure and it isn’t anything bad. In fact, he doesn’t do the budget alone. I go through it too regularly and he isn’t hiding anything. It all boils down to him taking a few days off work and being scared to death if he goes out in public, someone from his office will see him, see that he isn’t sick and report him, like a tattle-tale ratting to a school principal.

Okay, so we have to sit around, locked away with the blinds closed just in case someone sees him not being sick. Aren’t we all grown adults here? Isn’t it a known fact that people take days off work now and then just because they want to and not because they are actually sick? I’ve never heard of anyone in his office caring one hoot, or being fired because they took some sick days off work. Good grief! We’re talking about a man who rarely, if ever, takes vacation time and he thinks they’ll want to fire him if he takes a few days off?

Okay, maybe they do. But why should I have to drag this information out of someone like I’m pulling teeth with a plastic knife and a rock? And why didn’t he just say so in the first place so we wouldn’t have what has since become 3 heated arguements, lots of time purposely spent in separate rooms, no other conversation, and a night spent as far apart as possible in bed. Is it a pride thing? Is it a male thing that is just now, after 14 years of marriage, finally rearing it’s ugly head? Is it something else that I’m surely not going to hear about until much later, only to repeat the arguements, separate rooms, etc.? Again, aren’t we all adults here? Can’t we just get along?

Apparently not. He got up at the crack of dawn, highly unusual, and is sitting downstairs with the blinds closed, reading a Star Wars book. Looks like our holiday weekend, the last official weekend of summer, will be a bust. Good-bye summer. I would have loved to have known you better.

In the Positive column: I don’t have to work at my job today. (I like my job. I like my job. I like my job. I don’t really, but I thought I would give this chant a try.)

September 2002

09/03/2002

In the Negative column: Stressful day includes taking car to dealership for it’s first servicing. I’ve been reading far too many horror stories about how dealerships have incompetent employees who don’t know a oil filler hole from the window washing fluid hole and then refusing to correct any and all ensuing problems. I was pre-warned to be a bitch, noting vehicle mileage beforehand and with a service manager as witness, to set a Trip B counter at 0 miles to catch any potential joyrides by employees when the car got out of my sight, to do a “walk-around” with the service manager, noting on paper any imperfection so as to note any new ones that might occur during servicing, and insisting that both I and the service manager sign and date the paper and include it with the service report. I tossed and turned all night plotting how I could be a concerned and pro-active customer without going past the line of being a complete asshole. My period also hit today in full force. A chunky day and I don’t mean that in a “super-cool” way. Because of the car service thing, I had to start work hours and hours late and will be working well past midnight to make up for it. My “boss”, MsNoManagementSkills, is going over my head in the department I’m supposed to head; signs of her trying to make it look to higher-ups that maybe the company doesn’t need to have me on the payroll any longer (something she pulled on my significant other 2 years ago, resulting in him being laid off). I suspect she is talking directly to the co-workers under me, telling them to report to her instead of to me but I haven’t figured out exactly who to approach to verify if this is happening for certain. A major nationwide company that employs several people in our neighbor went belly-up yesterday and helped the stock market drop hundreds of points today. Lots of teary-eyed people walking the sidewalks outside this afternoon.

In the Positive column: The car servicing went very well. Yes, I was a bitch or what I would like to think of as a very, very pro-active and concerned customer, and it is possible that they will remember me in future service visits but it is my intention that I won’t be back for many service visits, only the ones that are insisted on so my warranty won’t be invalidated. I like working on my own car and since joining a car club, I have unlimited car knowledge access points. I’ve been taking massive amounts of Advil to stave away cramps and most discomfort. Working late does have it’s rewards – I don’t have to work with MsNoManagementSkills (FatHead is another Negative column story). There is nothing I can do about her attempt to oust me from my department or my job. If she wants to do this badly enough, all I can do is argue my point to the best of my ability and to document everything I can in the meantime, including how I am spending my work time daily (something adults shouldn’t have to do, but obviously, I don’t work with adults). I still have a job today and I can’t fret about the economy still going south here in my own portion of the world despite the Prez saying differently.

The weekend turned out to be much better than I could have imagined Saturday morning. We ended up going for a long drive every single day, once to the beach, a real beach, where WS actually took off his shoes and got his toes wet. THIS NEVER HAPPENS.

More tidbits of the weekend: Saturday night, while washing my car at the end of our driveway, a young couple new our neighborhood, pushing a newborn in a baby stroller directly in front of our house, I overheard the woman say loudly to the man walking with her, “Don’t EVEN look at it!”. I can only assume she was referring to my sports car. They both kept their eyes straight ahead and didn’t even acknowledge me as I was standing next to the car less than 8 feet away from them.

Our neighbors to the east took separate end-of-summer vacations from their teenage children last week. Yesterday, the daughter came home earlier than the rest of the family and in a foul mood, yelled at the friends and family she spent time with before stomping into her house. One of her friends commented on the cool car next door and pointed toward my car in the driveway. Usually very quiet and courtesy-laden neighbor girl yells back “My stuff is cool too! My stuff is cooler so don’t ever talk to me again!” Doors slam. Friends and family drive away quietly.

We rescued an obviously very lost squirrel this morning from the cat from hell across the street. We don’t have squirrels in our neighborhood, or at least, not living squirrels, thanks to the cat who kills everything just for the point of chasing down and killing things. We chased away the cat and shook the squirrel out of the tiny, short tree it was trapped at the top of and chased it far up the street where there is a couple of huge pine trees left. We’re hoping it doesn’t find it’s way back and if so, we don’t find it or any of it’s parts in our yard later on.

09/04/2002

I woke up to the sound of a hawk screeching in an overcast sky. It wasn’t bad.

If cost were no object, would you have maid service? Even if cost was an object, if I didn’t think I would lose my job anytime soon, I’d have maid service in here as fast as was humanly possible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a slob by any means. We’re generally pretty anal about how the place looks. But over the last year, we’ve been working so hard at our jobs that we haven’t taken the time (what time?) to go that extra mile to clean stuff like baseboards, or bathroom walls, or the master bathroom mirror or shower stall. It seems that we’re in such a rush to make dinner, we’ve been slopping small blobs of food on the kitchen floor and unless it’s something brightly colored such as tomato sauce, that blob stays there months on end with all the other small blobs until someone breaks down and does a half-assed mop job on the floor, usually me. We haven’t been dusting much at all either, not that we have anywhere near the amount of dust we had at the last place we lived. The air filter here does a much better job of keeping dust down, but dusting once every month or two isn’t really enough. Fall weather is coming, meaning we start keeping the house a little more closed up and I’ve noticed in the last couple of days that the place smells dusty and not really clean. We entertain a bit more in the fall and winter than any other time of the year, which is really saying one or maybe two people will stop by as opposed to no one ever stopping by and we don’t want the place to look like it’s been neglected. Most people’s homes look a wreck, we’ve noticed, and do generally smell of cat box, dog smells, baby barf and diaper smell, garlic or fish smells, what have you, and ours isn’t anything like these but we do have a standard. Lately, we have allowed that to slip badly.

Of course, the moment I call for a maid, once a week for deep cleaning, I’ll get fired or WS will get laid off. Of course, the neighbors would have something more to gossip about. “Good grief! She already works at home. Can’t she get off her fat butt from in front of the TV and clean up a bit?” HA! I watch TV while working so I have to sit on my fat butt. No, really, I do laundry, straighten things up, and vacuum sometimes while I am working but should my boss or a co-worker IM me while I’m away from sitting here in front of the monitor, there will be hell to pay.

Still, it’s tempting.

But too much of an expense that I can’t justify right now.

I so need Xenadrine. GMC has it on sale all this week. Hopefully, WS will be nice enough to pick me up a bottle on his way home. Along with the comforter from the dry cleaners. I don’t want much today just our lives in order.

And I want to get into shape. Only I can do that. I think the rowing machine is calling me today.

09/05/2002

American Idol. Whatever. Is it just me or is this just a glorified Star Search show with just a lot more money pumped into it? I’m sure glad American idols are only singers. God help us should an idol be competent at anything other than singing. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

Thanks to everyone who has recently sent me email. Especially the motivational ones. Not that the death threats weren’t entertaining. I’m just very used to them and have been for years. You see, my very first death threat came from my own father when I was 4 years old and almost had to testify against him for rape. After years of this plus all the bully-threats throughout grade and high school, it gotten a bit stale. No offensive meant. Thanks for the email just the same.

WS spent a very frustrating morning trying to get multiple copies of a newsletter printed out that he needs this evening. He forgot to do it yesterday and me reminding him didn’t start the morning off on a good foot. Then his system started giving him grief yet he claims it isn’t his computer, it’s the network server. I didn’t have any problems with it and that didn’t make him any happier. So I innocently asked him to transfer a copy of the newsletter to my system so I could look at it. Finally, WS gave up and went to work frustrated. Now, I’m printing out copies of the newsletter without any problems, except for page 11. There is something odd about that page alone that bogs everything down. I’m going to try printing out all the pages separately and work with page 11 to see what the problem might be. Either way, most of the newsletter will be printed and done. Maybe I’ll get a gold star for trying to help. Probably not.

Another beautiful pre-fall day. Highs around 73. My personal favorite and perfect temperature. Please, oh please let this be the real start of fall. I suspect we’ll be hearing the term “Indian Summer” around here in the next few weeks and temperatures will climb back up around 85-90 before mid October. Ugh. I can still dream. Fall weather makes me want to clean, organize, and redecorate our house. Kinda like Martha Stewart only without the insider trading.

Car club meeting tonight. I debated not going, citing feeling a bit under the weather when actually, I just feel fat and bloated due to both my period and recent poor eating habits. My face is all broken out and puffy. Drinking all the water in the world won’t help this before the meeting tonight so I’ll just use lots of zit concealer and go anyway. Thankfully, no other car club activities until September 14th. We need this break but I still feel good about participating in as much as we did this summer, considering that I just got the car in May. We’ll end the season in good standing with club members and that’s really what it’s all about.

Trying to keep on top of things, job-wise, this week and not doing too bad of a job of it. MsNoManagementSkills, my “boss” hasn’t had any coniption fits so far this week but it is only Thursday. I’ll predict she is saving them up for next week before she leaves early for vacation. Let’s all hope she takes lots of medication between now and then.

09/06/2002

In the Negative column: Last night’s car club meeting was just weird. We walk into the restaurant where it is held monthly and instantly we both feel a strange vibe. WS goes to talk to a friend and I head for the meeting room. One step in the door and I see that our section is partitioned off and there is no access. In addition, there is over a dozen toddlers running around in the room. I instantly stop and say out loud, “Whoa!” Some guy who was walking behind me bumps into me hard and nearly dumps his entire plate of refried bean-olive-cottage cheese casserole from the buffet line on me and starts screaming at me for stopping so suddenly. Yes, I did stop suddenly but he didn’t drop his precious plate of slop and I didn’t step on the toddler who was by then clutching my leg. After harassing me with foul language, I finally turn to the guy and tell him to get over it and I walk out and around to the other entrance and into a much smaller room; a room not anywhere near big enough for the expected fifty club member attendees.

The meeting lasted just over two miserable hours with all the speakers having to shout over the toddlers’ meeting being held just on the other side of the paper-thin partition and the rest of us crammed, shoulder-to-shoulder, in the smaller room with a dysfunctional ventilation system. The goal was to read through and approve new changes and motions to the club by-laws. Very, very dry meeting. Dry like burnt toast sitting out in Death Valley for years dry. Several club members were irate over the changes and argued every single point like it was a life-or-death decision. The reader of the changes is a nominee for the upcoming club presidential election and he didn’t win any votes with his irate and flippant arguing back. Which brought on sarcastic remarks and sour looks from other club members. The current president had to repeatedly call for order when several groups of people would start talking on their own. All this going on with the sound of children LOUDLY crying and parents LOUDLY shhhh-ing on the other side of the curtain. Not the best environment to hold a serious meeting and one that was so emotionally charged for most people. In short, the meeting was a disaster and had this been my first visit to this car club, I would absolutely not return. Ever.

In the Positive column: It’s Friday and I only have five and a half hours left of work. The weather is so fall-like outside, it makes me want to go to shopping at Williams Sonoma and Pastaworks (website still under construction). Maybe I can talk WS into going tomorrow since we have to run some errands anyway. I know he would want to go, but he’ll probably bring up the budget topic again and I both don’t want to go there nor be responsible for screwing up the budget. Shopping at those hi-end shops will look pretty stupid in a few months if either one of us should lose our jobs.

Random thoughts: Can a cruise ship really have a driving range? Where do you think the balls go? Is there a limit on how many golf balls the oceans should hold? People who want to hit golf balls should stay on dry land and hit the balls on dry land to be retrieved later.

Why did some, apparently lots of, people feel they needed to re-populate the earth, not necessarily New York City alone, after September 11th, 2001? Were their eggs and sperm calling to them? Did they think they would be seen as heroes too someday in the future? Couldn’t they contain themselves? Does the planet need yet more people? I think not. I suspect we’ll start hearing stories of how couples were watching the events of that day unfold on TV and they decided right then and there to stay in bed and breed. People are so full of themselves. They need to come back down to earth, take a realistic look around and see what most of us are doing to the place. It’s not pretty. Let’s stop breeding future tax payers and future expendable military units for our government.

Jillian Barbarie has a good body (except when she is bloated from her period – Hey! She’ll tell everyone this on TV!) but her lower back is unattractive. The tat doesn’t help.

I’m already sick to death of 9-11 anniversary commercials. Especially any of them who mention the word “hero” or play country western music. I hate country western music. Of course, the one with N’Sync isn’t any better. And anyone who died in the 9-11 attacks weren’t heroes, they were victims. Yes, even including those on the Pennsylvania crash flight. I can’t stand how the world has completely changed the definition of the word “hero” and no one seems to notice this fact. We’re being brainwashed, people!

Disgusting thought of the day: If you felt all bloated and constipated for over a week, would you intentionally eat something in your refrigerator that was questionable as to whether it was still fresh and had maybe started to “go over” knowing that it would un-bloat and un-constipate you in a hurry? Not anything that would cause you spasms of pain or hospitalization. Just something like lettuce that is a bit on the wilty side or homemade salsa that’s been sitting there for almost a week, or a very, very, very soft peach. Either way, I’m definitely throwing out that salsa today and pronto!

I so need a vacation. A real vacation where I don’t worry about work and actually relax sometime sooner than 3 hours before I’m supposed to start work again. I never relax on vacation because I never learned how to. I know that sounds silly but it’s true. Growing up, my family took one vacation. Only one and yes, my parents beat us at least once a day then too. Why should a trip to southern California be any different than any other day? Often, the beatings took place in front of strangers on a city street or one of the piers off the beach, anywhere they deemed it necessary to show just who was boss and who was not. No one stepped in. No one stopped them. It just wasn’t done back then and people minded their own business. Not that I’m angry now or anything.

Okay. You caught me. I’m still angry.

But we get over it or at least, we’re supposed to. Like this whole September 11th thing, or the whole Pearl Harbor thing or this whole World War II thing, or anything that has taken a piece of someone and left them feeling broken. For all the times I’ve been told to get over my horrid childhood, I say back to the rest of the world, get over (insert whatever atrocity you may have suffered or perceived to have suffered) and get on with life.

Yeah. I know. That sounded harsh. Pain leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to violence. Violence leads to pain. It’s a vicious cycle. So, where was I going with this?

I need a real vacation, away from everyone who only wants to talk about politics, school funding, 9-11, Iraq, job layoffs, 401(K) losses, and killing Keiko because for 27 years, people taught him to perform for people for food.

Sounds like WS is finally home from his first job for the weekend. Have a good one.

09/09/2002

Some background: I used to know several people in my area a few years ago but because we were all from vastly different backgrounds, had vastly different living conditions, and were all highly opinionated, most of us fell out of friendship with each other; some on a permanent basis. I’m one of those.

We all had a common interest back then that tossed us all together online several times a week and tossed us together in person whenever someone, mainly one guy, threw a cheap beer party. Some of us still lived at home with our parents, even at age 30+, some of us were running from the law for past warrants (non-violent crime), some of us were barely, and I do mean BARELY, squeaking by in life, panhandling for spare change, looking in public ashtrays for cigarette butts, prostituting themselves, and dumpster-diving for food every chance they got, all while refusing to look for or hold a job, and then some of us lived fairly well off. Most of us really didn’t like each other and some of us outright hated each other. It’s funny how those who hated each other were the most alike. But don’t tell them that, even to this day. You’ll end up getting your house toilet papered or egged or worse yet, burglarized when you aren’t home.

The online thing ended a few years back and most of us lost touch. Anonymously, I keep up with the lives of a couple of these past friends from their online journals that I ran across out of the blue. I don’t dare let them know I’m still around because of a couple of instances that occurred before we moved. At the end of the online thing, I threw a huge Christmas party for everyone and pulled out all the stops. Most people seemed to like it and have fun. Others took it all the wrong way, thought I was showing off, and afterward, started terrorizing us in our home on a monthly basis until we finally moved under a cloak of secrecy and the cover of darkness. We purposely didn’t tell a soul. We keep secrets fairly well. The police couldn’t or wouldn’t do a thing.

It’s been just over 3 years now and we still live in secrecy for the most part. Unfortunately, there is a leak from a co-worker of mine back to the main instigator of the group but nothing has come of it yet. Since this co-worker is a bit unstable at best, has participated in unscrupulous activities against other people’s possessions, and anything can set him off, we keep this in the forefront of our minds at all times. We live somewhat reclusive lifestyles, never have anyone over to visit, have very few, if any, friends, don’t have daily, weekly or monthly routines, and generally rely on only ourselves for everything. Which can all get tiring from time to time, but isn’t unlike home life when I was growing up.

Where was I going with this? I’m saddened to read from a couple of these online journals that one couple still refuse to trust each other and constantly belittle each other every chance they get, even to the point of running a full page ad in the local newspaper, calling each other every negative thing one could think of short of using language the newspaper wouldn’t publish,…and for this, this couple are local celebrities. Very white-trash. Another person, at age 36, still lives with his parents whom have given up trying to force him to at least get a job, and yesterday, the highlight of his day was to lie in bed, breath shallow, and not vomit after a night of cheap beer and huffing. Another old acquaintance’s online journal talks about getting ready to have all his possessions seized by the government because he’s always refused to pay child support for the 11 other children he’s positively fathered. His belief is that the government has nothing to do with his sperm and his sperm alone is all he’s responsible for giving. The women should be grateful that he even spent the time with him and after that, the woman and children are on their own. A real macho stud. His mentally challenged wife believes the same. Of course, she also believes her husband is the really President George Bush, living in poverty so he can experience real life, because he’s told her so. She also screams and wets her pants whenever she sees a bird because he’s told her all birds are all hell-bent to peck her eyes out.

Sounds kind of like some of the neighbors. But that’s another story for another time…

In the Positive column: I got mountains of yard work done over the weekend and as a result, I’m pretty sore and tired today. I re-landscaped the side yard, replanted several bushes that the sprinkler guy moved a couple of months ago and half-assed replanted in bad spots. I weeded and trimmed stuff and dug up a huge ornamental grass that was completely out of control and threatening to take over half the neighborhood, given another year of growth. I really don’t want to work at all today but I’ll slog through at least a half a day. We have a car club meeting later in the week and I’ve already decided to not attend. This alone has perked up my morning and has me feeling my life is under my own control. I just might get that laundry and vacuuming done today after all and end up having a great day!

09/10/2002

It’s mostly about the Negative column today: Survivor preview commercials: One woman claims that “short of killing me…” they won’t get her off the island. Hello? They VOTE people off, they don’t kill them. She’ll get ousted quickly with this kind of attitude.

I hate the smell of cold, refrigerated chili. The “nearly makes me gag” kind of hatred. I like chili, especially our homemade chili with bison meat, Walla Walla onions, and fresh jalapenos. But make a big batch, then refrigerate it and you’ll lose me. Must be the combination of the smell of cold meat and beans or something. I’m having chili for lunch but I had to literally stick tissues up my nose to block out the smell of it when I took it out of the refrigerator and stuck it in the microwave. Once heated, I have no problem with it. Strange. I need to get away from eating flesh again. I don’t really like it anymore.

I’m determined to burn most of the candles I have before buying any more. Over the last 3 years, we’ve purchased dozens of candles, all sizes and all fragrances, without burning many at all. This year, in an attempt to clean out an entire lower kitchen cabinet, I’m burning candles every day. Last week, I nearly got through a six inch tall, three inch diameter white, “evening snow” fragrance. After this one is completely burned, I have a same size, “silver fir” I’ll be burning. Most of them are Illume candles, our favorites.

Looks like that hot summer weather is coming back for the rest of the week. Ugh. It sprinkled about eight raindrops late yesterday afternoon and the weather people on TV are all complaining about how it ruined their weekends and how we all need another few months of hot, dry weather. I want to shoot them all. So move away, already!

MsNoManagementSkills is back from her half-day hair appointment and facial waxing (don’t ask). I see her on her Web cam and I don’t know what was done to her head but I think she should sue. Oh yeah, that’s right…she wanted a combination of Pink’s early days hair style and Dr. Evil’s cat, Mr. Bigglesworth’s, nappy hairless look. Either that, or someone attacked her fat self with a can of spray paint and a moldy watermelon. Hey, hair frosting can look quite attractive, if done right. Her hair stylist doesn’t have a clue. It’s not supposed to look like painted-on black and white stripes on over processed blonde hair! Yes, it’s that bad. I predict her husband, FatHead won’t like it either. No wonder he doesn’t trust her with anything. The woman has no taste or sense of style. Yet for all the complaining he publicly does about her and everything that she is, he did marry her and continues to be so.

At the company conference call this morning, she had to go on and on about how she’s going on vacation soon and going to be out of the country (we can hope for a coup or something, can’t we?) and she’ll send us all emails containing everything she expects us to do. Excuse me? I expect things will run more smoothly when she is gone. We don’t need her constant morale-breaking email expectation list to hang over our heads. It’s amazing that company CEOs allow her to continue this kind of crap like we’re not adults, but pre-schoolers that need guidance and direction.

I’d love to have a phone conversation with my significant other without it digressing into a “How he needs to figure out a business idea so he can work less and make more” conversation. I’d like to have a conversation about him, himself, not about the dreaded and by now, very sick of, business idea conversation.

TV show schedules are all screwed up today. I guess it’s that time of year when schedules get changed and jumbled. After the local news, Entertainment Tonight used to be on. Now, they are running a very outdated news magazine show that was actually cancelled two years ago! Kind of stupid to run a show in which most of the interest stories contained within are about places that no longer exist, or in the case of a local artist, is now deceased. Tacky.

WS wants me to go with him to his follow-up doctor’s appointment when he’ll be doing a stress test. Just what I don’t want to be around: Sweaty (and too often, overly hairy) men with pinched off noses, blowing through hoses while thudding away on a treadmill. Just thinking of this visual is enough to swear me off any sexual thoughts for an additional six months. An additional six months, you ask? Yes. I have no sexual desire for anything or anyone any more. It started a couple of years ago when WS was diagnosed with the early stages of a debilitating disease and progressed to when he cut off his thick, long hair last November and continues to shrink whenever MsNoManagementSkills or FatHead exclaim at work how they can’t believe we actually listen to any kind of music other than moldy oldies, as though we became someone’s grandparents overnight. A little background, we all work for a company that has something to do with music and WS owns over a thousand CDs ranging from Aerosmith to Eminem to Pink to ZZ Top. They know we’ve always enjoyed music, especially new music. It’s more of the “They are too old to work here anymore” campaign they are working on selling to the company CEOs. Rumors are they each have a couple of friends they want to get hired on and no one else will be hired until someone currently an employee leaves. How’s that for running off the original track of thoughts on attending a treadmill test? Yeah, hopefully, there weren’t many passengers on my train of thought there.

09/11/2002

In the Negative and Unbelievable But True column: WS bribed me with food yesterday so I’d go with him for his treadmill stress test. I’m so pathetic. After sitting, waiting, in the old, old, old medical office for an hour and probably catching something nasty because I usually do whenever I have to go to that place, he finished his test with outstanding results, a pat on the back from the doctor, and a nod to go get lunch.

Immediately after giving our lunch order of Garden Burgers and banana shakes at a local restaurant, in walked in a woman we had both hoped to never see alive again and naturally, she had to sit right across from us, not because she recognized us, but because she weights close to 490 lbs (no joke whatsoever) and the table across from us was the only one in the place that could support her (again, no joke).

The Background: Two years ago, WS invited a co-worker and his wife home for an evening of dinner and conversation. This co-worker, poor MrFoodConsumptionEnabler, warned WS about his wife, a woman who has more disabilities than I can list here, the main ones being her knees and lack of cartilage, her weight and lack of control, and her mouth, also lacking control. We assured him we would be prepared and to not worry about a thing. Boy, were we wrong!

We spent the week before buying special foods that both didn’t flare up her allergies nor trigger her new found and “alleged” hatred of carbohydrates. We purchased a counter chair specifically with a heavy person in mind. We cleaned the entire house, top to bottom and in some cases with a toothbrush, because she was afraid of “foreign germs” which she read and told everyone was only killed and removed by use of a toothbrush and bleach. We thought we had everything under control but it all went horribly wrong and later we found out, she had made sure it wouldn’t go well. It’s a game to her.

Upon arrival, I was nearly mortified by her size. Literally, it took her over 20 minutes to walk, or waddle, from the van that brought her to our front door. The distance is less than 10 feet. Imagine my horror when also quite literally, she had to turn sideways to fit through the doorway and into our foyer, then again to fit through the foyer doorway to the living room, and yet again from the living room doorway into the kitchen, where she stayed the entire evening, supporting herself with her elbows and forearms after instantly shattering our specially purchased chair for heavy people. By then, her mouth was going, both asking, no, DEMANDING something to eat because she was now exhausted, and letting us know how uncomfortable our home was for her. Before I could serve up the smoked salmon and turkey we had all agreed on, she pulled out a partially eaten bag of potato chips from her sweater sleeve and munched away, dropping chips and bits in a pile at her feet.

MsLargeAndInCharge then went on to run both her husband and me ragged all evening with her demands for “real” food, none of this protein-only crap, as she called it. I eventually made grilled chicken breasts and pasta while she forced her husband to drive to the store and pick up a chocolate cake for “later.” The cake was never brought into our house and I can only assume what must have happened to it. While MrFoodConsumptionEnabler was away grocery shopping, she entertained us between literal grunts and moans of pain with stories about how it had been well over 4 years since she was able to wipe her own backside and how she so enjoyed her husband doing it for her. Gave her a sense of supreme power, she called it. After that, I don’t remember much of the other stories except parts of one about always eating as much as she liked and another about a crushed puppy. I just wanted this woman, this mountain of ugliness, out of my house and it didn’t happen soon enough. I hadn’t seen her since, nor did I ever want to again, although WS later told me MrFoodConsumptionEnabler claimed both he and his wife had a good time and wanted to return for another visit. Over my dead body. WS was too nice to report my response back.

So, here comes waddling in MsLargeAndInCharge and a friend who looked as shell shocked as I must have looked that horrible evening years ago and she makes a big fuss over having a chair and table that will support her in this establishment. The restaurant had one…right across from us. After taking one long lingering look at her when she wasn’t looking, I noticed she’s gained more weight and her mouth isn’t any more polite. After that, I kept my attention focused on what was going on outside our window, nothing but afternoon traffic, and WS did the same. We couldn’t help but overhear her talk about her husband’s “cleaning” routine, how she “fired” her last doctor for telling her to stay under an intake of 6000 calories a day, and her specific dietary restrictions on her food order of a large salad, extra dressing, the meatloaf plate with extra potatoes sans gravy, a grilled chicken breast and 2 butterscotch milkshakes. Some people just never change, but some do get worse.

Everyone seems to be on edge today. More so than usual. If this is the kind of crap the rest of us have to put up with on the 9/11 anniversary, you can just shoot me now. NO ONE deserves to be called every name in the book just because they were walking by and knocked 6 pieces of landscaping bark onto someone else’s driveway. Get a grip, people, then get over yourselves!

Another word about 9/11: No, we will never forget. No one will let us forget, but get off your high horse on how the World Trade Center site is hallowed ground and should be respected forever as such. No one cares about all the Native American hallowed ground sites and in fact, some of the most hallowed Native American sites are now used a nuclear waste dumps. Nice. Yes, 9/11 was awful, horrible, terrifying, and eye-opening. So was purposely handing out blankets infected with small pox to indigenous people in order to kill them slowly and in much pain.

The people renting the house kitty-corner behind us are moving. Their tiny cat, who has a physical and nervous disorder and at fully grown never got over 4 lbs, has been visiting me once or twice a month over the past 3 years and had just gotten to the point where she will let me pet her. Now, she’ll be leaving by the end of the month. I’m very sad about this although this makes for one less animal to worry about being tortured or outright killed in our lovely neighborhood. I’m sure something else will take her place around here.

09/12/2002

Now that yesterday is over with….Positive or Negative? I was going through my list of other web logs including some I don’t have listed over there to the right –> and I was just minding my own business in a reading someone else’s words like of way and I read “…ate dinner with Jenny..” and instantly thought of Kraft Mac & Cheese. Why was that? Too strange. I don’t eat Mac & Cheese although I think about it from time to time. I don’t know anyone named Jenny and I rarely, if ever, eat dinner with anyone else. Maybe I need to cut back on the caffeine today.

In the Negative column: Okay, let’s see a show of hands. Who is already sick of hearing about Prez Bush’s ranting on and on about Saddam Hussein? Yeah, I’m raising both my hands. If I didn’t have a concern about what’s going on locally, news-wise (not that anything happened anywhere yesterday accourding to the media except 9/11 stuff), I wouldn’t even bother to listen or watch any news. But I’m a media slut and I blame this squarely on my parents who would not allow their children to watch TV or read any newspapers ever. Oh, the things I’ve missed…

In the Positive Column: Finally finished burning that Illume evening snow candle, much to the dismay of WS who hates it when I can’t just throw something away but will use every last bit of the said item until it is completely gone. I’ve tried just tossing stuff out, being disposable as much of the rest of the country is, but I can’t get the visual out of my head of living under a bridge someday and having nothing to my name other than a head-full of thoughts of all the stuff I threw away without using every single last drop and wondering if I hadn’t thrown out that one thing, if my life would have not turned out so badly. An ex once told me I was destined for nothing more than living under a bridge and eating wilted lettuce out of garbage cans. He had no idea what kind of effect that would have on me. Much more of an effect than him telling me he only married me so I would “give him” my sister. Anyway, now burning an Illume cinnamon stick candle. Nice smell.

In the Negative column: MsNoManagementSkills is finally on vacation although doesn’t leave town until the weekend, meaning she promised to check into work every now and then until Saturday. Oh, and she assigned her boss (how the hell does that work?) to watch and check up on all of us. Then, to add to the insult, she writes in her Online Journal how she predicts to come back to complete mayhem and how we are all pretty much worthless. Thank goodness not many of us co-workers know about her Online Journal or a riot might ensue. Oh wait. They all do know about it and they think it is “charming.” Hello? It’s yet another insult! Pointed at all of us! This doesn’t help productivity. Can’t someone get rid of her? Apparently not. Again, I hope for a car/plane crash.

In the Positive column: So, I’m working more than usual today. Yesterday, I finally got off my butt and finished up a huge mountain of work I had been partially putting off/waiting for input. I feel good about that. Today, the little cat whose owners are moving at the end of the month, came to visit me. I said my good-byes and I feel good about that too. Accourding to the weather people, fall and rainy weather is supposed to arrive Sunday evening and I really feel good about this. We really need the rain to wash things off. Houses, streets, trees, everything is covered with a thick layer of dirt here and that just isn’t normal. Everything has a brown tinge to it outside. Not pretty. Saturday is the next-to-last car show event of the season. After that, there is one more event in October although it’s not a show, just day-long cruise with club members. After Saturday, I can wash my car one last time for the summer and start working on getting multiple coats of polish on it before putting it away for the year. I still can’t believe that I was able to keep my jealous and spiteful co-workers from finding out about the car all summer long, even nosy FatHead. I feel extra good about this.

It’s 1 pm and the doorbell just rang. I peer out over the railing and see some strange guy standing at the door. Nope. I don’t answer the door during the day, unless the house, the houses next door, or the house across the street is on fire. Go away, strange guy. Oh, and pay attention to that NO SOLICTING sign just above the doorbell next time.

09/13/2002

In the Positive column: Because I more than just occasionally mention other people I have to deal with one way or another nearly everyday, and to keep us all up to speed, to the right, readers will notice the addition of a cast of characters list. Some of these characters are delightful individuals and I love nothing more than their company. Others are horrid, manipulative, immature, and ought not to breed. Readers should be able to figure out which is which fairly easily, but if you are confused, drop me an email and I’ll straighten it all out.

Also, because my boss is on vacation and not giving dishing me crap today and because it’s so very, very hot outside, I figured this is as good a time as any to do a recap of the summer:

We worked.
WS purchased a yuppie car due the loss of his old car.
Neighbors start calling us “Skippy and Buffy”.
I ordered a phat sports car, my first car ownership in over 15 years.
I promised myself that I would get into shape so I wouldn’t be a fat woman driving a phat car.
I started stressing about my jealous and spiteful co-workers finding out about the car and getting me fired.
I took delivery of the sports car.
I instantly quit getting myself into shape and got fatter.
Neighbors stopped talking to us.
I joined a car club and started actively showing my car.
We had sprinklers and a lot of landscaping done to our yard.
I’ve sat out in the front yard 3 times since May. WS sat out there once.
Neighbors continue to ignore us.
I played 82 games of Age of Empires – The Conquerors and won them all without using cheat codes.
We kept the car a secret from our co-workers.
I’m still not getting into shape.
We continue working long hours and neither one of us has lost our jobs yet.
Wild and loud next door neighbor parties that lasted until 3 AM every weekend with DrunkTank Willie puking all over his own backyard all ceased after Memorial Day.
WS still hasn’t figured out a business idea so he can quit his jobs.
I’ve complained about hating summer more times than I want to look up.
I still haven’t figured out how to actually use the cell phone.
I did figure out how to burn CDs.
My eyesight continues to get worse.
I had 2 teeth pulled and have started the first stages of a dental implant.
The economy in our area, particularly in the restaurant industry, continues to go downhill.
I scraped, sanded, and repainted the garage door entrances.
We rescued 2 squirrels from certain death.
I enabled World Peace.
Okay, I lied about that last one.

I guess the summer wasn’t a waste after all. Happy Fall. It should be right around the corner..

09/16/2002

What is Spicy Buffalo Flavor? Buffalos are not spicy.

The only beef-like meat we buy in this house is buffalo, or more correctly, bison meat. Now, I’ve been eating buffalo for years and years and I’ve never had buffalo that had any spicy-ness to it. Buffalo isn’t spicy. Domino’s is trying to change how we think of things again and I wish they’d stop it. (Normally, I would link to the site but I won’t because it loads slow and has annoying, embedded sounds in it – very sucky web site.)

In the Negative column: Today has gone on forever. I keep telling myself, “Only 2 more hours. Only 2 more hours.” but time is dragging by. I wanted to enjoy this week since my boss, MsNoManagementSkills is on vacation but just realized today that I’m still on the hot seat and need to produce actual work so I won’t look like I’m not doing anything. In reality, I did laundry, vaccumed upstairs, painted a lamp, and re-decorated the library for the fall season (I just moved around a bunch of stuff). No, I don’t get paid for this. Please don’t let the rest of the week go this slowly. At least not the daytime, work hours.

In the Positive column: DId I mention my boss is out of the country on vacation until next weekend? So is FatHead.

In the Negative column: There were no plane crashes anywhere from here to their vacation site.

In the Positive column: I can always hope for a return trip plane crash. Or maybe a car crash. Yeah, I know. It sounds harsh. I’m awful but no, I’m not kidding. Also a Positive: My car is freshly washed and put away for the rest of the year. I’ll be working next week on getting more high-gloss polish coats on it. It’s had it first oil change and lube check and it’s had it’s underside cleaned. It feels good to know that very few miles will be put on it the rest of this year. The current mileage, 3500 miles, is a lot considering I just got it in May and it was purchased for investment reasons.

In the Negative column: This morning, before he left for work, I made a big deal out of how WS isn’t doing anything around the house, including any upkeep. Remember: It was he, not me, who wanted to buy a house, promising that he wouldn’t leave everything for me to do. Another promise broken along with taking care of all those rose bushes he wanted, that huge aquarium he wanted, and the fountain he wanted, all items he promised he wouldn’t leave me to take care of alone. To date: The roses were all removed and most of them went into the garbage, the aquarium was sold along with all the fish, and the fountain is slowly filling with green algae. This morning, I didn’t lose control or throw anything but I did raise my voice and didn’t see him off. I came upstairs and just started working. He left without saying a word. Do I feel bad? Not really. I felt I needed to make a point and if it was heard, it will be ignored anyway, if not right away, definitely within the week. His excuse? He knows he should be doing more but he don’t have the time. He never has time but he had time to research and buy this place. And make the promise to me. Sigh.

In the Positive column: Last night before bed, I did a serious workout with weights, followed by a short rowing session. After a shower, I went to bed exhausted. I plan on repeating it tonight. I have to do my workouts in the evening because all I want to do afterward is sleep.

In the Negative column: As a result, I just want to eat today and I have. A big piece of espresso cake, (I’m wired now!) a biscotti, and a plate of spinach pasta with lots of cheese. Maybe this doesn’t sound like a lot but it is for me. And obviously, a workout for my stomach because now, all I want to do is sleep. In addition, my face is breaking out all over. The only thing worse than a fat, middle-aged, complaining woman is one with a face full of zits as well.

But finally, in the Positive column: After a sorry showing of supposed “fall-like” weather yesterday (it wasn’t), today has been wonderful, weather-wise. Sprinkly to rainy spells, thick clouds sometimes so thick I’ve had to turn on lights, and glorious cool weather. Highs around 68 degrees, not like yesterday’s 80. Tomorrow and Wednesday are expected to be nothing but rain, rain, rain. This is the time of year I live for. Burning candles, wearing sweaters scented with WS’s fall fragrance, L’Eau d’Issey Pour Homme, snuggling with our cats, and making bread and good, gourmet dinners together. Here’s to hoping for freezing temperatures and fireplace weather within a month.

09/17/2002

In the Positive column: There are no links to porn stars or Britney Spears here.

In the Negative column: Have you ever had intestinal gas? Of course you have (some of you just won’t admit it). So, have you ever had intestinal gas blockage? Like, when you can feel yourself bloat up and pressure builds in your lower intestinal area, so you take Gas-X but the pressure doesn’t go away and things start to get painful? Too painful to sit? Too painful to stand? Too painful to do anything but lie in a fetal position until you fall asleep or explode? That’s basically how my evening went. I don’t know what I might have eaten that would have caused a gas blockage, nor why the Gas-X didn’t work, nor why I also had a case of the shaking chills at the same time, but I hope not to repeat that over again. And no, I obviously didn’t explode but I haven’t passed anything either. Thankyouforasking.

In the Positive column: During today company conference call, even though I felt like crap (see above), I was able to sound somewhat coherent and even contributed toward a solution or two for issues we’re all dealing with. Don’t know how that happened. I must of pulled some long lost information out of my butt. It was the only thing to come out of there.

In the Negative column: Because I was in too much pain to stand, I didn’t get to my workout last night. I hope to pick it back up today if things don’t follow the same path as last night. Some squats just might be the ticket to relief. I’ll make sure the room is well ventilated with an open window….because I can open the window. Fall weather took a vacation back to summer today and for the rest of the week and into next week as well. I hate weather people Truly, they haven’t the faintest clue. We were supposed to be on track for several rainy days, but noooOOOooooo. We’ll be back into 80 and 90 degree weather by Thursday. I should have known this would happen the minute I started re-decorating our house with fall accessories yesterday.

In the Positive column: WS and I are working on applying for some vacation time together, from all our jobs. If things go as planned, we’ll have the entire week of Thanksgiving off and the entire time between Christmas and New Year’s Day off.

In the Negative column: The real test, and probably the pin to pop our balloon, will be MsNoManagementSkills approval when she gets back from vacation. To date, after 4 years of working here, she has never allowed me to take both holidays off OR take any time off around Christmas. She, on the other hand, has taken both holiday weeks off, on short notice no less, each of the past 4 years. I predict this year will be little different. The only difference this year is that I have WS working with me and he knows her track record each of those years. If anyone can apply a little pressure to get our time off together, especially since she and her husband, FatHead, are taking time off together right now during crunch time, WS can. Of course, she can always pull what she did the first year I worked here – told me I had the time off clear up until Christmas eve day and then threaten to fire me if I didn’t work Christmas day because of a “vacation-timing glitch.” Glitch, my ass. I later got back my vacation notice form and the date I applied for it had been visibly whited out and changed to much later than I filled it out as. Company headquarters swore they never saw it. FatHead later laughed that his wife, NoManagementSkills had forgotten to send it in. Yeah, we were all laughing then…

In the Positive column: The minute WS got home from work yesterday, he watched a squirrel run up our porch steps and drink out of the water dish we have sitting out there. A squirrel! We just don’t have any living squirrels left around here due to the cat from Hell across the street. End total of dead and/or dismembered squirrels I buried this summer – 16, down from 44 last summer. We both hope this one makes it but unfortunately, it’s not likely. It just doesn’t stand a chance with no tall trees to run to and that cat lurking around.

WS is working from home today and I feel loved. Right now, he’s downstairs making this incredible wild rice and bacon dish that I could eat massive amounts of. Truly, a fall season meal. I was originally going to go grocery shopping for ingredients for Beef Bourguignon but I’m feeling crappy and the sunny weather isn’t helping. Doesn’t matter. That rice dish will be ready in less than 30 minutes. Yum!

09/18/2002

In the Negative column: Why is it whenever I add a counter or a comments piece of code here, the company or individual stops supporting it? Yesterday, I had a comments section here. A few hours later, it was gone. The exact same thing happened last month. And last month, I also added an official counter. Last week, the guy who ran it took it down, probably permanently. Grrr…

I really wanted to take a sick day today. Not that I’m really sick, but I do feel a bit over-stressed and need a small spot of time to myself. But I didn’t. I haven’t taken a sick day in almost 2 years. WS takes PTO or sick days a few times a year from his other job. Of course, he has many, many more than what I get from my job and he gets paid 3 times more than I do. I see people taking a day off here and there all over the place. Why do I feel this overwhelming need to be responsible and stick out every day, no matter what? Even when I am sick, I never take days off. I can’t seem to get over thinking that should I really need the time off, if I’ve already taken it, I won’t have any time to take. Or if I get fired or laid off, I won’t get that time paid to me as my severance pay. Wait a minute! Who am I kidding? Companies left and right aren’t giving diddly-squat for severance anymore, let alone sick time or vacation time not taken. Okay, I’m taking tomorrow off.

Don’t worry. I probably won’t really.

Why don’t people generally know how many teeth are in their own mouths? Strange.

Anyway, in the Positive column: We saw the squirrel here and there yesterday in the backyard. Haven’t seen it yet today, but I haven’t found any squirrel bits or parts lying around either so I’ll assume it’s still alive somewhere. In the meantime, we have several stellar and regular blue jays grabbing all the peanuts. Stellar jays have pointy heads; regular blue jays don’t, in case you’re ever on Jeopardy or trying to impress someone with wildlife knowledge. I really wish the neighbors behind us, Taliban Dan and the Smokin’ Clan (see Cast of Characters at right), would put a fence up and allow their dog run around out there. I think that would slow down the cat from hell from stalking things, like squirrels, back there, even through their dog is about the size of a large squirrel and fairly old. Taliban Dan never allows their dog into the backyard for some reason. Hence, their front yard is covered with yellow spots where the dog goes. Very attractive but hey, we don’t have to look at it. I only know because I walked around the block a few evenings ago.

It’s fairly cold here this morning, down in the 40′s F. As a result, I’m hungry again. Cold weather has always made me hungry. I know it’s a psychological thing: Cold weather – warm, comfort foods. At least there isn’t much in the way of crappy food left in the house. Lots of protein things and vegetables. And instant mashed potatoes. Highly un-nutritional but a bowl-full is calling me.

UPDATE: God, I hate that cat from Hell. I just noticed him sitting on top of my weeping maple (really!) and before I could open the door to chase him off, he dropped down on top of a bird, clamped down on the bird, and took off over the neighbor’s fence. This is nearly a daily occurance around here and I am beyond sick to death of it!!

Background on the cat from Hell. Belongs to family across the street. Family claims cat from Hell killing everything is “natural and a normal part of the environment.” dispite EVERYONE telling this family it is NOT. Also mentions that if anything happens to the cat from Hell, they will know who to look toward and will press charges on animal abuse just to name a few so we are definitely not able to capture the cat and send it somewhere else. Other neighbors who originally were bothered by this animal’s behavior have all been scared off by the family’s claim of pressing charges, lawsuits, and the court system and DO NOT want to get involved. Animal control in our county tell the family in question who called in the complaint, thus pointing the finger at us.

To date, we have fenced off the yard, talked to the family with no resolution whatsoever, sprinkled cayenne pepper all around the backyard but this adversely affects large birds and squirrels as well, purchased expensive auto water sprayers as a last resort, which, unfortunately, only work for about a week before wearing out expensive parts (the company will only stand by their product for 3 months) and spray away large birds and squirrels which we want.

We have not dumped all 58 carcasses of dead animals on the family’s doorstep (they would know who did it = pressing charges and court appearances would result). We have not called Animal Control because of the reason listed above = pressing charges and court appearances. We have not entertained the idea of secretly trapping the animal and dumping it elsewhere far, far away. Our backyard is very open to the views of 6 other families. Trust me. Our neighbors know more about what is in our backyard every day than we do ourselves. Seeing a trap and especially, an animal in a trap, sitting anywhere in our backyard would bring neighbors banging on our door and probably a visit from the police, not to mention notification back to the family who owns the cat from Hell.

I need to just get used to this. I keep telling myself not to even look out into our own backyard. Don’t even pay any attention to what is or isn’t going on back there. Gee, I guess it was really a bad idea to get that fountain put in if I can’t even enjoy it because I’m too busy looking for the cat from Hell or any animal parts he has left behind.

I’m wondering if my significant other’s brain has been secretly replaced with Folger’s coffee crystals. He calls me from work and asks if I would like anything brough home for dinner. Yippee!! Yes! And I give him my order for a naked vegetarian burrito from Qdoba. We’ve had it before. It’s basically a burrito in a bowl without the tortilla shell. “Uh huh. Uh huh. Got it,” he says. Then he says, “Hopefully, they will put a cover over this.” I think to myself, wtf? It’s take out. Yes, they put a cover over it before you take it out. So I say, “Uh, it’s take out. They put covers over stuff before you take it out. You are going to tell them it’s a take out order, aren’t you?” “Yes, but I don’t know if they’ll put it in a bowl and put a lid on it or anything.” he replies.

“It’s a naked burrito. It comes in a bowl. If you tell them it’s a take out order, they will put a lid on the bowl.” I shoot back wondering what 100 other things he may be doing in the background for him to have this ridiculous conversation with me. Obviously, he isn’t paying attention to what is coming out of his mouth.

“Yeah, but they might put it on a plate or something…”

That’s it. I have to know. “What are you doing in the background there so that you aren’t paying attention to what you are saying? Hello? Do you know what you just said? You aren’t making any sense. You sound like you’ve never gone to Qdoba before.”

“Okay, a naked burrito, vegetarian. Do you want to forgo the cheese and sour cream or anything?”

“Cheese is okay. No sour cream,” I say.

“How about easy cheese, no sour cream?”

“Nooo, cheese is okay. No sour cream,” I repeat.

“Okay, do you want the tortilla shell?”

“No. That’s why it’s called a naked burrito. It doesn’t have a tortilla shell.” I say, somewhat impatiently.

“Okay, well, it’s optional and you can get it if you want. OOOOooooo….habenero pesto…..”

What? “What are you doing?” I ask, thinking again, wtf?

“Looking at the Qdoba web site to see if they put naked burritos in bowls or plates,” He then reads off the ingredients for habenero pesto from the Qdoba web site.

“I’m hanging up now because you aren’t listening to what I’m saying. You’re not even paying attention to what you are saying! And this frightens me because you will be driving a 2 ton vehicle shortly.” I very impatiently say.

“Yeah, well, okay. I just thought….”

“Good bye now. Drive carefully!”

Yes, obviously, his brain has secretly been replaced with something. That or else it’s Alzheimer’s disease, stage 1. (Yes, I can joke about this. I have Alzheimer’s running actively in my family.) Oh, and by the way, naked burritos do come in a bowl accourding to their web site. I sure am glad that is officially cleared up.

09/19/2002

Comments section up, then down, then up, then down. At least, I got my archives back today. Crap. I shouldn’t have said that.

I didn’t take a sick day today like I said I would yesterday. I think I’ll take one next week when you know who is back from vacation. After Monday and her emails start pouring in, saying, “Okay everyone! I’m all rested from my fabulous vacation and you should be too! LET’S GET TO WORK!” (I’m NOT kidding. She does this all the time.) I’ll need a day off. I was just looking at my paycheck stub yesterday for my time off available and it shows I have around 90 hours. The time just rolls over to next year if I don’t use it this year and I’d like to have at least 40 hours roll over. Some co-workers have somewhere around 380 hours available and I stand in awe of them for not using their time. I need to figure out a way to get away from my job better without taking time off from my job so the hours pile up. Of course, there’s the whole speculation that in today’s economy and continued dot.com meltdown, that companies won’t give laid off or fired employees their vacation days due them when they leave. It’s all a crap shoot. Just like Social Security.

Gi-normous is now officially a word. A television commercial in my area uses the word repeatedly. I hate it when the media finds out about something that the rest of us have gotten over years ago. The Internet, AOL, and personal web sites about cats are good examples.

Another television commercial in my area is meant to be cutesy, but that’s just because they don’t want you to think about the reality. The local humane society is running a commercial, showing a nice looking young gentleman sitting in a chair, reading nursery rhymes to a room full of cats. Show lots of cute kitties purring and kneading blankets. Hear small mews and meows in the background. Another young gentleman with another nursery rhyme book comes up to the door and taps on the glass, obviously to take the place of the first guy, who says, “My time is up. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” End with an ad for volunteering at the local humane society. How nice.

What the commercial doesn’t say is when the guy says, “…I’ll see you all tomorrow.” in reality, some of those cats won’t be there tomorrow. We all know what will happen to most of them. But hey! There’ll be new faces there tomorrow when animal control and other people come in to dump off their cats, right? So it’s all cutesy happiness and nursery rhymes. Or maybe the nursery rhymes are really appropriate, since nursery rhymes are what lots of children hear before they fall asleep. Maybe they read nursery rhymes to animals before they “put them to sleep.” Permanently. Yeah, I doubt it too. I hate how humans think they are the only living things on the planet worth keeping alive.

No sign of the squirrel. I’ve written him off. At least I didn’t find parts of him lying around the yard.

Budget woes. After last weekend’s fall weather shopping for exotic spices, herbs, and red wines, we have $300 left to our names until October 15th. Boohoo. This does not include the budgeted $300 we have for groceries, so if I wanted to save money and go to a local cheap, cheap, CHEAP grocery store, say, where canned foods have no labels and could just as easily contain Alpo as creamed corn, that could be just that much more we have to ourselves. Of course, if I came home with a bunch of canned stuff that all turned out to be Alpo, we’d end up spending that much more money re-grocery shopping for real food. Hey. Alpo is supposed to be highly nutritious. You just have to get past the look and smell, right? And I’ll bet it makes one’s eyes bright and their hair nice and shiny much better than eating Meow Mix does (back in my poorer-than-dirt days, one month I had nothing else to eat but an entire bag of Meow Mix. You’d be surprised what you’ll eat when you get hungry enough.) Check that as one of the To-Do items I need to complete this week: Make out a grocery shopping list to get us through the next 25 days.

Now that I think of it, we should just take all that wine we bought last weekend and drink a bottle a day with bowls of Top Ramen. Light the candles, keep the blinds drawn, and play the same few DVDs over and over again. The 25 days will just blend into one another and be over before we know it. How chic! Oh, brother!

09/20/2002

News about BikerDude, the most recent ex-coworker. He made a point to stop by here a few days before “taking off to find a place to live in Seattle.” Yeah, right. I just heard that he never intended to go live in Seattle. He’s back home, living with Mommy and Daddy in Yakima. Another 30-something living off parents because they don’t want to learn to do anything for themselves BY themselves. What a phukup!

In the Positive column: MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead are still on vacation. Today should be fairly low key and I plan on working on and off all day to break up the monotony.

In the Negative column: Yesterday afternoon I worked for over an hour creating a web page full of pictures in a nice, artsy kind of layout. Then my computer started wigging out like it does a few times a year. So I saved my work but after restarting, everything was wiped out. I love computers, especially when they are being crushed by heavy road grading equipment.

I’m sure I just don’t understand the details of the politics around Prez Bush’s rabid-mad dog seeming desire to get rid of Saddam Hussien and go to war, but I smell something fishy. It’s like, nothing else exists in Bush’s mind right now. It’s like he’s like a bully justifying why he wants to kick someone’s ass. It’s like he’s certain only a war will boost our American economy. It’s like…his dad’s reign only worse. I’m one hundred percent sure the media is spinning this story all wrong but I do sense something very, very fishy going on. Very odd feeling about this.

In the Positive column: We had a car club meeting last night and while the meeting was long and somewhat boring, I did tie up a lot of loose ends with other members regarding creating a web site for one, getting an aluminium bracket created by another and anodized by yet another, got an address for a cruise-in from someone else, and tips on how to jump right in and invite members over to our house for small get together. We also signed up to host a board meeting in December. It ought to be fun. After the meeting and after driving home, out of the blue, WS asks if I want to go on a walk around the block with him. Uh…SURE! WS never walks anywhere if he doesn’t have to so this was a big surprise. Around 10:30 pm, it’s fairly quiet in our neighborhood and it was a nice walk. Still…it was strange of him.

Just when I thought the hummingbirds in our area have migrated south, this morning, one is nearly banging on the back glass door, looking for their feeder. I brought the feeder in 2 weeks ago and put it away until next spring. So I’m back to making up a batch of hummingbird liquid and getting it out there as fast as possible before it loses interest and goes elsewhere.

Still no sign of the squirrel. OOPS! My mistake. There it is, on one of the large rocks. Gotta go toss out some peanuts. Oh and ToyBoy is out today. More on him later. He’s really odd.

UPDATE:
ToyBoy is a neighbor who lives behind us and over a couple of houses. To give you a mental visual, we live on a small hill and the back of our house and backyard overlooks most of the houses, their backyards, and the street behing us. Taliban Dan and the Smokin’ Clan lives directly behind us. To the left of him is the rental house where that cute, tiny cat lives and visits us. These renters are moving at the end of the month. To the left of them, lives ToyBoy and his wife, DogWalker. His wife is very petite, pretty, and very, very nicely dressed all the time. I think she said she works as a lawyer’s assistant. They have two small dogs and she is the only one who walks them, twice a day, everyday. They have no children to date. They don’t need to with ToyBoy around.

ToyBoy is a 30-something, largely overweight, very pale man with thick glasses and skin that burns to bright red if he’s outside, sun or not, for longer than an hour. He generally wears large sweats or jeans and a sweatshirt and I think she once said he worked at the airport, in a dark office somewhere, at night and he didn’t like interacting with people. Once, during a neighborhood holiday party, she invited several of us into her newly built home and there, covering every square inch of wall space in the livingroom, the dining room, and 3 of the 4 bedrooms, was thousands of packaged and bagged toy action figures STAPLE-GUNNED to the drywalls themselves. Thousands upon thousands upon thousands. There was the entire Star Wars series, not only the U. S releases but Japanese, Korean, French, German, Australian, and many other countries Star Wars figures. There were X-Files figures, Incredible Hulk, WWF figures, every Barbie ever released with all accessories, Johnny Quest figures, Men In Black, Partridge Family figures, Indiana Jones figures, Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Scooby Doo before the movies, even Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV christmas show figures. Everywhere. Two bedrooms even had things stapled to the ceilings as well as toys hanging from the ceilings. In areas, crude shelving was nailed up inbetween and over some of the figure’s packaging and those shelves were literally crammed with more action figures, action figure books, stacks of print-outs on action figures from the Internet, and pamplets on the current price of certain action figures. I could type paragraphs upon paragraphs here on how much stuff was staple-gunned to each and every square inch of that house and barely scratch the surface on how much stuff ToyBoy has collected. I’m sure it’s all worth maybe millions, but it was overwhelming. It was eery. It was too strange for words. I don’t think she thought much about how odd this would look to outsiders prior to inviting us over. The pained, embarrassed look on her face when she saw how most of us reacted to the scene told me she didn’t ever entertain anyone outside of her husband’s circle of friends.

Hence, the name ToyBoy. Do you think ToyBoy has an obsession? Oh. Yes. I. Think. So!

His latest obsession is remote controlled things. Particularly remote controlled helicopters. Every couple of days, working up here in my office, I hear this high-pitched squealing kind of whine that sounds like 50 rats with their balls stuck in a vise. It’s ToyBoy, trying to fly his remote controlled helicopter and let’s just say it’s a good thing he doesn’t fly for a living. I don’t know how many helicopters he’s gone through yet, but I’d be willing to bet it’s a few. He sets the toy helicopter in the middle of his back yard, steps back, starts it up, gets the helicopter to rise straight up until it’s about 4 feet off the ground, then, every time, he tries to fly it around and it smashes itself directly into the fence. EVERY FRIGGIN’ TIME. So, us observers or listeners not by choice hear – the start up of the remote control helicopter, the start up of their 2 dogs barking, the increasing volume of the toy as it gets ready to rise above the ground, then the highly increased sound as the toy rises and moments later, WHIRRRRRRRRCRASHBANG!

Usually, the next sound is their back screen door being ripped from it’s mooring as ToyBoy stomps back into the house, crumpled toy under his arm. A few days later, the scene repeats itself. The only change is the back screen door, which is still propped up against the back of the house, bent all to hell with no possible way of being re-installed.

Again, I ask you. Do you think ToyBoy has an obsession? OH. YES. I. THINK. SO.

09/23/2002

In the Negative column: Sure as I predicted it, MsNoManagementSkills came back from vacation and the work problems started right back up again. Complaints are back up, reply time is horrible, her reports show false information. Accourding to her reports, we had a crappy week last week while she was gone, while other supervisor reports show we had the best week in years. Unfortunately, the CEOs rely on her reports alone and because of this, MsNoManagementSkills called me voice this morning to ask what the problem is. Uh, you’re back from vacation?? I instantly thought of saying back, but instead, pressed her for clarification on what she was seeing that was so different from what the rest of us were seeing. In the course of our conversation, she asked me to gather some additional information, which isn’t technically, my job but I thought whatever.

When I tried to gather the information, I found some of my passwords to secure areas had been changed. Wonderful. Looking for a backdoor around the problem didn’t work so I ask MsNoManagementSkills for the route she takes, not telling her that my password access is changed, and of course, she tells me of some method that she’s always used and “if you don’t use this method, you are doing it all wrong” she adds. Typical. Accourding to her, everything I’ve ever done is the wrong way. Yeah, I really feel like doing anything for her now.

However, trying to access the information using her method causes my system to crash. Repeatedly. And repeatedly again. Over and over. And over and over again. Restarting, rebooting, restarting, reinstalling. Nope. I’ve done it this time. My software program to access work is toast. So I can try to log into work, but it disconnects me nearly instantaneously. How fun! So I can sit here for the next 7 hours, logging into work, then getting disconnected, and log in again, over and over, just so it looks like I’m working. And in the meantime, I’m not getting any work done because trying to log in doesn’t qualify as work in the eyes of the CEOs or MsNoManagementSkills. ARGH!

Okay, calm down. Breath and think. How can I take complete and total advantage of this and still get paid for it? How can I look like I’m trying to work today so I don’t have to make up the time later in the week or, dread of dreads, over the weekend?

In the Positive column: Easy. I can log in from another system I have here but that no one at work knows about, which allows me to log on without being disconnected and just sit here without doing a thing. If anyone asks me what I’m doing, I’ll disconnect instantly and say later, that anytime anyone tried to contact me through the software program, it disconnected me. Just to make it look like I’m trying to get things back to normal, every once in a while, I’ll randomly disconnect and then log in again.

Of course, this doesn’t permanently solve the problem. Waiting for WS to get home from work will. He already knows pretty much what the problem is but he needs to be here to fix it. That won’t be until after 5 pm. I can sit here on this other computer, making it look like I’m trying to fix things, but in the meantime, I can type this, play a game, read a magazine, vaccum….all that stuff I’d rather be doing and now I can, all thanks to MsNoManagementSkills, who let me know I was doing things wrong. Gee, maybe she isn’t that bad, uh?

More positive column news: The rental people moved…and appeared to leave their little cat that used to visit me occasionally. So I walked down there and brought it home here and left a note on the empty house’s front door. Within a couple of hours, the renters stopped by and picked up the cat. It seems the cat got out when they were moving the last of their stuff and they couldn’t find her, but planned on coming back every couple of hours to hunt for her. No, I didn’t believe the story originally, but I did find out they bought a house less than half a mile away and it does make sense now. If I see the little cat back in our neighborhood, I’ll know where she lives now.

One of the couples in the car club drove around our neighborhood Saturday afternoon looking for our house and all the kids playing outside were following the bright yellow sports car on their bikes and scooters. If we hadn’t heard the distinctive exhaust note that only belongs to these kinds of cars and looked outside to see who it might be, seeing the throngs of kids racing around behind the car probably would have tipped us off. While the couple were visiting us, the kids conveniently moved their game playing area to right in front of our house so they can look cool to each other while being close, but a reasonable distance away, to the car. When the couple finally left, several of the kids yelled out that it was a cool car and one asked loudly if he could have it. I never understood why people do this but the rest of the kids thought it was a cool think to ask. Later on, when I took my car out, a black version of the same car, the kids couldn’t care less and one of them even asked another if he wanted my car to which the other kid replied, “No. It’s not yellow.” Yes, a yellow version looks great, but everyone who owns one agrees that after a year or two, looking at yellow gets VERY old. Although there are times when I wish my car got more attention, I’m still glad I choose black for mine. Besides, yellow and bright red sports cars are generally a magnet for police attention. I don’t need that.

Time to disconnect and reconnect….Done. Okay.

I finally refilled all our bird feeders. No bird bodies or bits in the yard anywhere. No squirrel parts either.

In the Negative column: I must be the only person on the planet who thinks the NBC TV show, Friends, sucks. I only sort of liked it the first 2 seasons then it just got stupid for me with loads of poor acting. I had the opportunity to try to get back into it this year but nope, it’s even more stupid to me. But I must be the only one who thinks so, accourding to the Emmy award show last night. Of course, I didn’t agree with a vast majority of the winning ballots either. I think too much of it last night was done for political reasons, not for true acting ability. Michael Chiklis a winner? Against Martin Sheen? C’mon already. So, so sad.

More hot weather here and more on the way. Fall officially started last night at 9:55 pm but you wouldn’t know it here. Nearly 90 degrees F today, High 80′s the rest of the week and supposedly into next week as well. Ugh. I don’t feel like doing anything. I hate, hate, hate hot weather.

09/25/2002

It IS supposed to be fall, isn’t it? Why is it 90 degrees outside then? I’m forcing myself to do anything with this heat. I just want to wake up to a nice, cold, foggy day.

09/27/2002

In the Negative column: Another cat has taken over killing birds in our backyard. The really negative part about it is that it is very cute, very starved for attention, and very people-oriented. While I have petted him, taking notice of the pink flea collar he wears but no license or address tag, I did have to squirt him with the hose twice already this morning. Right now, I’m trying hard to resist the urge to look out my office window. I don’t want to see him hiding under the low bushes where unsuspecting birds might fly down to.

I’ve taken down 2 of the 3 bird feeders for the winter months. The main feeder is still there on it’s 9 foot tall pole. I’ll use up the bird food I’ve got stored in the garage but I’m considering not buying anymore. The fountain already attracts birds because of the splashing water and high bowl where they bathe. I don’t need to be feeding them too. The birds around here do have a huge green space, small river, and pine forest just 2 blocks away to forage in. I don’t need to be serving up birds to neighborhood cats.

In the Positive column: The weather is slightly cooling down. Supposedly, 76 degrees today. Sunday looks promising with rain promised in the forecast. We’ve all heard that before but it looks like it might actually spit one drop or two which is more than anything we’ve seen around here for 4 months.

In the Negative column: It’s supposed to get around 85 degrees tomorrow. We were planning to go out shopping at a specialty market tomorrow. Neither one of us will feel like doing anything if it gets hot early in the day and will then probably spend the day arguing or something.

In the Positive column: While I haven’t taken any time off work like I said I was going to last week, I have decided to divide my work day in half today: Half worked in the morning, the other half worked this evening when WS is working here as well. If I could stand it, I would only work night hours to lessen the amount of time I have to be online with MsNoManagementSkills and her morale-busting fits. Working the second half of my day this evening will get me away from her because I know a fit is coming. There is always a fit on Fridays.

In the Negative column: Sure enough. Since MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead have come back from vacation, everything at work is in complete and utter shambles. Reaction time is nearing the 24 hour mark (normal is 6-10 hours), email is sitting around because no one wants to answer them, and FatHead is acting all superior and pissy at the same time. No one can get a straight answer out of him without alternatively being told they are pathetic or they don’t need to know the answer, while everyone else being told of all the “reports” FatHead has created after coming back from vacation. First of all, these “reports” weren’t his to do in the first place; second, they were due last July; and third, no one cares anyway, but hey! Let’s make it a point to blindly interrupt a meeting that has nothing to do with FatHead to announce, “I’ve created this file and report and to show you all how important I am to this company, I just sent you all a copy. And I want feedback!” Uh, how about go play on a freeway somewhere? Why, oh why couldn’t there have been a horrible auto accident involving both of these people while they were on vacation?

A little back story information: Every year, immediately following taking vacation, MsNoManagementSkills looks for or makes up an excuse to take extra time off. While this used to severely affect my job and force me to actually do her work equating to me working 16 hour days but only getting paid for 8, it does not affect my job anymore since I’m now salary and we do different things. Actually, no one is really sure what she does other than create reports every Monday. The rest of the time: Who knows?

So, yesterday in her Online Journal, she went on and on about how she “forgot” to use oven mitts to take a tray of cookies out of the oven and now her fingers are all blistered. She can’t type and so, can’t work. Amazingly, she didn’t take the day off but it’s coming. Earlier in the week, she made insulting, racial comments in her Online Journal about how she caught a cold on the plane coming back from vacation from a gay couple. So, she’s been going on and on about how she’s been blowing her nose every few hours and then, horrors! She blew her nose and it was flecked with blood!! OOOOOOoooooo! Call 9-1-1!!! You would think she never had a small nosebleed or dry sinuses before. But apparently not. But a call to her “Mommy”, as she calls her mother (and this woman is nearly 30 years old), and “Mommy” tells her to relax and eat ice cream. Ice cream creates mucus in sinuses and causes a person to have to blow their nose and will only worsen the problem. Great medical advice there, “Mommy”.

So, today, MsNoManagementSkills is going on and on about how bad she feels (yes, obviously, she can type with blistered fingers – if that incident really happened at all), and how she has to go to the store to get more ice cream because she needs it and FatHead won’t go for her (FatHead isn’t exactly known for doing ANYTHING for his wife).

I swear. It’s all like a typed out version of a bad traffic accident. I want to never read anything from this woman ever again, but I have to look. If I don’t, she’ll blind side me with something and I won’t be prepared.

In the Positive column, because I’m determined to end on a Positive note: I spent last night dragging out all the fall-oriented decorations we use around this place. Nothing cheesy-looking, just warmer colors – golden yellows, pumpkins, merlot, soft, plush furnishings – velvets, suede, wool, spiced candles – rum, deep vanilla, leather, cherry tobacco. The downstairs looks nice and cozy, particularly nice if it actually rains Sunday. The library is nearly finished and I still need to see if there is anything I can do in this office and in our bedroom. Don’t get the impression that we have stuff sitting around everywhere, cluttering up the place. We are anti-clutter people and have worked hard to get our place to have the look and feel of a Old World lodge, nothing frilly, no overly-woman or girlish tones. Our place is fairly English/German gentleman-oriented but without dead animal heads mounted on the walls, no big screen TV, and no pool table. It’s all about listening to music, reading, drinking scotch or port or tea, and settling into comfy, oversized leather chairs with a laptop or having a conversation about silly or serious things. You know, dreadfully boring, as my co-workers and neighors call it. But we like it and it’s nice and not for a minute, do I ever forget where I originally came from and what it has taken to get to this point. Cheers to possibly a happy start of fall this Sunday!

09/30/2002

Sorry for the delay. Weather had my Internet connection on and off all day.

In the Negative column: What did I tell you? MsNoManagementSkills manages to injure herself slightly and takes off work today, tomorrow, and who knows for how long? Nothing major at all, but even a hangnail or getting a deep zit is major for her and even with common aliments, she’ll claim she’s never experienced it before and she needs to take time off. Every fricken’ time. Multiple times a year and always, always right after taking vacation or extended time off. What a crock.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to sunny skies which depressed me horribly because all the weather stations promised rain, rain, rain. But, within 4 hours, we did have a bit of rain, nothing like the amount promised but I’ll take it anyway. This morning, I woke up to the sound of heavy rain on the skylights and felt much better. WS had mentioned taking today off yesterday and I figured today would be as good a day as ever to take a sick day. But he ended up getting up, taking a shower and dressing for work. It seems he has just as much as a hard time taking a day off as I do, so he went to work anyway, claiming he feels he’s under a microscope right now at work. So, I didn’t take the day off either. And then I find out MsNoManagementSkills took the day, making it hard for me to take the day off anyway. It’s basically a case of “whomever requests the sick day off first, gets it” and tough luck to anyone else who might really be sick. I think that’s why her taking time off bothers me so much. I know her sick days are NEVER really for a sickness reason and other co-workers, including me, from time to time have had to work anyway to accommodate her. She never gets sick and is as healthy (and as large) as a cow, (not that I should talk, but at least I try to watch my weight.)

The only way the weather could make me happier would be if it continued to be dark and rainy today. Already, it looks like it is clearing up for the rest of the week. Oh well…

Oh, and I thought today was October 1st. It’s not. It’s still September. For whatever reason, I don’t like the months of September or August. Too hot, I guess.

In the Positive column: Saturday, we saw 2 large, healthy-looking squirrels foraging around in our backyard, looking for food. Naturally, that meant a trip to the bird feed shop for a 20 pound bag of unsalted, unshelled peanuts, a 5 pound container of mixed shelled nuts for squirrels, and a squirrel feeder box with lid. WS is so excited to see squirrels again. He really missed them from the last place we lived, where we had a dozen or more and baby squirrels running around every spring. We’ll do all we can do to help keep these 2 safe from the Cat from Hell but we can’t be out there supervising every hour of every day.

I think I’m finally in the right frame of mind to stop spending money and start serious paying down my credit card bills. This is part of why I like fall and winter so much. Since we don’t buy each other holiday gifts, we use this time of year to get ourselves in decent financial shape and nothing gives me a great feeling of power like paying off a credit card or two or three. Especially, any high interest rate ones. This past summer, 2 of our cards increased their card interest rate, which is ridiculous in this economy so those cards will be worked on getting paid off as soon as possible.

Regarding buying each other holiday gifts, we do celebrate the holidays but we celebrate by either cooking a huge buffet-style meal for ourselves to last a week or more, or we go somewhere on vacation for a week and let other’s do the cooking. We decorate the house to the hilt and spend lots of time together. Since we couldn’t afford to do any of these things the first few years we were together, it seems like a great way to celebrate now and we really enjoy it.

What I really need to work on now is to get into the frame of mind to work out and work out often. If I start a muscle building routine now, meaning today, I would have the best looking arms, back, shoulders and waistline by December, when we hope to have visitors on and off. If I don’t, I’ll be uncomfortably squeezed into clothing that look too tight and that threaten to cut off circulation to all parts of my body. Yes, I really need to get into some kind of shape other than round.

It’s evening here now and the coyotes out in the fields are howling and barking at each other across the valley and it’s echoing off the mountain. They sound close tonight in the clean, freshly washed air. We used to be able to hear them every night, but now the fountain drowns out their sound unless they are very loud or the air is just right. Of course, we could shut off the fountain, but that’s not why we had it put in. Just over 3 years ago, when we just had this house built and before any of the other houses behind us were built, we would occasionally see coyote puppies playing in the fields. Now, some of the people who live in those houses poison and shoot them and the coyote families have had to move further away from our neighborhood. Sad to think that some day, all living things will be gone from here and tonight, I sit here, mourning the loss of coyotes.

October 2002

10/01/2002

Because everyone should know what their anagram name is. I’ve found WS’s porn name here – Essence Love Wetly, and MsNoManagementSkills’ name is The Big Mink Hut.

In the Negative column: I woke up feeling very crampy and bloated today. No amount of aspirin or Midol seems to be helping and now I have a headache coming on, combined with sleepiness due to all that aspirin. I’m drinking Chai with Ultra Vanilla soy milk for that warm, cozy weather feeling and wearing flannel today but I have to face it. I just feel like crap today, but do you think I took the day off from work? Don’t you know me by now? Of course I didn’t take the day off….but I’m still thinking about it. Maybe a half a day off? Blech!

In the Positive column: It’s October.Yippee! It’s fairly foggy outside right now. So thick that I can’t see the closely located mountain out my office window. Rain alledgedly scheduled for tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a much better day to take off, even though I will probably feel fine by then.

In the Strange column: ToyBoy is out in his backyard, trying yet again to fly what appears to be his newly repaired remote-controlled helicopter and after 6 solid months of trying, let’s give a round of applause! (I’m actually giving him a small, golf-clap out the window of my office.) He’s gotten the thing up off the ground under it’s own power and has had it hovering for, let’s count it down….4…3…2…1….for 15 solid minutes now AND NO CRASHING INTO THE FENCE!

Now, he’s landed the thing, packed it up, and back off into his house he goes. I guess he’s not into trying to fly it around today (read: not into crashing it into his fence today) so unless he comes out in the next half an hour, I’ll take out my earplugs.

In the Odd column: Yesterday was a long, busy day for both WS and I with work, going out for lunch, and working on projects we both had outside of our jobs. I have a couple of CDs to create and burn for a friend and WS had a monthly newsletter to get out. We forgot dinner until around 9:30 pm when he decided to make homemade pizza which turned out okay, I guess. We just don’t have a recipe for pizza crust that doesn’t end up either tasting like a saltine cracker or like an entire loaf of Wonder bread. We finally ate around 11 pm and didn’t head for bed until after midnight. Around 1 am, after turning off the lights, my mind was still racing but I chose to fake like I was on sleep’s doorstep. I don’t normally fake anything but with all the job stress of late, I usually drop off to sleep immediately from mental exhaustion mere seconds after hitting the pillow. To say that this has been causing marital stress in our relationship would be an understatement. Add the sexual tension brought on by other mental factors like too much thinking, some head games, and a debilitating disease progression and you have the perfect combination for loss of affection and lack of sexual desire. It’s been a long time, 5 months or so now. Thank you for asking.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, WS asks, “Why do you suppose I make you feel so alone?”

What? He repeats the question and all I can think is why is he asking me something like this so late at night? He knows he has to get up early in the morning for a meeting at work. So I say, “Who said I feel alone?” and a short conversation ensued about why WS seems to make thing uncomfortable around here. WS is an angry man, always has been, most likely always will be. But the anger level gets old after so many years together and although, he never, ever has been a violent angry man, the stress level because of the underlying anger feeling around here is often nearly unbearable. Last night is a good example. WS made two small pizzas so we could each have our own. Very sweet of him but I didn’t feel comfortable eating mine until his was ready to eat because I just knew that while preparing his, he would drop it, or burn it, or something, anything would happen to it and then the yelling would begin. When I did eat my pizza, it was only because I was starving, not because I wanted to eat it and even so, I didn’t enjoy it because I was certain, WS would do something in the kitchen that he would get pissed about and start stomping around and yelling. The cats sense his constant anger, other people sense it, and I have begun to realize that nothing, NOTHING I ever do will ever change him. So why bother anymore?

He promises to change. I don’t want him to change. I didn’t go into this relationship 15 years ago to change him, but I can change. I can choose to not put up with it or I can choose to ignore him when he throws his temper tantrums, which is where my head is right now. I have always wanted him to be whatever he wants to be and if that means he wants to be an angry man all his life, so be it.

He still promises to change because he says he wants to. We won’t talk about his inability to follow through most things. I didn’t mention it last night and did fake that I was sleeping when I heard another question. I really was tired at this point and I didn’t hear the question clearly anyway. No doubt, this will all come up again in conversation soon but, after all this time of our non-closeness, why did this have to come up at 1 am?

In the Positive column: The winter Flickers are back. Birds about the size of large Robins, they are very spotted over light tan feathers and have bright orange and red markings on their tails and breasts and make very loud squaks, usually early in the morning. They are related to woodpeckers somewhat and are native to woodland areas. It’s supposed to be the sign of a healthy forest nearby if you have these birds around.

10/03/2002

Cast of Characters CatchUp time:

In the Negative column: The NoWe’reNotHavingKids family is pregnant again. So many words, so many lies. These were the last people in our neighborhood we tried to make friends with. We had so much in common before they started breeding, right down to the promises of never having children, especially just for the sake of the ever-pressuring parents. They gave in two years ago and haven’t stopped popping them out left and right every since. I wonder sometimes if the ever-pressuring parents forced them to have unprotected sex during one of their 3-times-daily visits. Later, the very minute NoWe’reNotHavingKids came knocking on our door and demanded that we start liking children “because ours will be different!”, was the last time we said a word to these people.

Looks like a divorce might be brewing in the neighborhood. The yet-unamed neighbors kitty-corner across the street from us appears to be in the midst of a separation. A military family, he likes being sent off to Germany for 6 months at a time while she likes sitting at home, making crafty things out of lawn clippings, used staples, and popsicle sticks. He makes her wash her own car and mow their huge yards because she’s the one who wanted the house and the kids (like he wasn’t even in the room when she decided to get pregnant all 3 times). He does home improvement things but doesn’t tend to finish any of them and the rest of us in the development have to look at sheds without roofs and driveway gates that soon fall off their hinges. She takes off all day now to parts unknown and he comes over and sits on the porch, waiting for her because he doesn’t appear to have a key to the house anymore. When she drives up, she stays in her car while he stands by her door, smoking now when he never smoked before, and they have very quiet conversations that last 45 minutes or longer before he leaves. During his last 4 month trip to Germany, he took up smoking, lost 50 pounds, and started growing back his hair from his normal bald, shaved, Moby look. These are fairly quiet people so it may be a while before we know exactly what is going on, but we suspect the oldest daughter is rebelling over what’s happening by inviting inscrupluous young men over and making a big show of sneaking them into the house when neither parent is home. A couple of public temper tantrums over having to bring in the trash cans from the street has nearly confirmed it. More later.

No sign of MrLargeAndInCharge lately, but then again, we haven’t been back to that restaurant diner. WS hasn’t heard a peep from her husband, whom he works with on occasion.

Not a peep lately from Leona Helmsley but she looks very, very tired and downright haggard anymore. DrunkTank Willie has appropriated the mini van from Leona, “For work reasons” he insists, leaving her to drive a ford pickup truck on her daily jaunts to Value Village and other thrift, knick-knack shops and to pick up their bratty children from Catholic pre-school. Why would a guy in construction prefer to use a mini van over a brand new pickup truck to drive to construction sites? And maybe more importantly, since when does a construction worker have to work until 11 pm at night, every night, when he leaves for work at 4 am? Yeah, I thought so too.

Nothing yet from the BaseballTeam but we expect a pregnancy any day now. These are upscale Menonite religious people who’s entire purpose in life is to reproduce. She’s 28 years old, a housewife and home-schooler (required) and he’s 30 and a city traffic cop. Currently, they have 6 children and expect at least 9 more before the lord takes them or maybe a crazed road rager.

MrSmartButFakingIt is still smart but faking it. He may visit us from company headquarters in the coming weeks but I don’t see any point. All his physical meetings with us end the same with MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead creating empires and grabbing territory with invented work projects, constantly touting themselves as the only ones the company really needs to keep on the payroll and how they should be flown, always at company expense, down to headquarters more often for no reason other than just because. I know MrSmartButFakingIt tires of their tirades during his visit but that’s over at the end of the day when he and FatHead hit the strip bars before he leaves town. WS refuses to go to any strip bar, one of many reasons I love him, but it affects his cammraderie with MrSmartButFakingIt as it always has with FatHead.

SportsOrNothing has been so busy with their teenage son’s football lately that they haven’t been seen at home since early August. I don’t even think their ignored teenage daughter has seen them but she has a car now so who cares, right?

Taliban Dan has been laid off from his latest job. He’s in a spell right now where whatever job he gets, just a few weeks later, that company files for bankruptcy and he gets laid off. This started just after he bought and built the house right behind us so we are well aware of his work, home and sleep habits. His teenage son, who used to live in their garage and was forced to help make the house and car payments, may have moved out. No one has seen him in 2 weeks and his oil-leaking car is gone. The rest of the Smokin’ Clan still sit at home, day in and day out, constantly smoking, smoking, smoking.

10/04/2002

In the Positive column: I took yesterday off. Well, most of it anyway. I got in 3 hours late last night and so, because I had already worked extra hours in the beginning of the week, I don’t have to make up any time. All I have to work is my usual 8 hours today and I’m done, plus getting nearly a whole day off yesterday. I wish I could do this more often and get away with it.

In the Negative column: After washing 2 loads of clothes yesterday and in the middle of a third, our 3 year old washing machine died with a really LOUD buzzing, electrical sound and a couple of clangs. I ended up spending over an hour hand-bailing water out of it, wringing out the bed sheet that was in there (thank goodness, it wasn’t a full load of our daily work clothes which had already been done in a previous load) and called WS.

In the Positive column: We just renewed our service contract through 2004 for washer service and repair. Now, it’s just a matter of getting through the service phone system maze that I’m convinced is purposely designed to not be user-friendly.

Yesterday was a perfect fall day in my book. Rain, drizzle, rain, drizzle all while mildly heavy fog hung in the air. No sign of the mountain that is close behind us. It was completely shrouded all day. So I got up somewhat early, cleaned most of the house, started laundry, lit some candles, and watched TV for a few hours. Heaven, it was.

In the Negative column: FatHead knows about the car. I’m sure BikerDude told him just as soon as he found out about it by accident. I have to give FatHead credit though that he didn’t rush right over here to say something about it or didn’t find a way to throw some kind of jealous temper rage (at least not one that I know about). If he was told back in June when BikerDude found out, the secret has been held for many more months than I thought FatHead was capable of keeping quiet about. If he was just recently told which is possible because BikerDude was just back in town a couple of weeks ago, it’s a different story. Either way, the next few months ought to be interesting as we will be looking for every excuse not to have FatHead stop by or come over. I don’t care if he knows or not, I don’t want him nosing around the thing, touching it, wanting to sit in it (because he farts purposely in every car he sits in – he’s shared that information with me), or anything else having anything to do with it. It’s polished and under the cover for the next 3 weeks, before it’s last outing of the year. Then it’s back to being washed for the last time this year, re-polished, and back into storage until next February, March, or later, weather permitting.

And ranting about car stuff, we had a car club meeting last night and presidential elections were held. The candidates, Drill Sargent Dave and Doormat Dick, are as opposite as 2 people could be but they both had good and bad qualities that could benefit or hurt the club. Drill Sargent Dave is the guy who created the club in the first place, a real go-getter, always looking for ways to improve the club and constantly giving of his time. However, he can be hotheaded, is fairly competitive, and takes things personally. On the other hand, Doormat Dick is as quiet as a mouse, don’t do anything really both in getting in anyone’s way or helping out with anything. He’s very friendly, however, has control freak of a wife who wears the pants in the family. His plans for club improvement is to keep things exactly as they are for the next 2 years.

I think Drill Sargent Dave severely hurt his chances for election a couple of meetings ago when he was trying to push a bunch of by-law changes to an overheated and overcrowded room of unruly club members and he got upset more than a few times by getting short with his answers to questions. I guess you see what I’m getting at here. Drill Sargent Dave lost the election and Doormat Dick won. Whereas I don’t like being around people who get pissed easily or who take things too personally (because I do that all the time), I do think that electing Doormat Dick was a safe, chickenshit vote done by a bunch of old people who are afraid of change and who don’t want to lift a finger to help make anything better. We’re just hoping that Drill Sargent Dave doesn’t quit the club because, even with his faults, he’s part of the reason we joined this particular car club.

Additionally, we told Drill Sargent Dave a few weeks ago that we’d show up at his house this Saturday for a car tech-day. We still plan on going but I think things are going to be very uncomfortable and strained. To be honest with you, I could stand to not have anything more to do with this group of people until next spring. There is just too much drama; just too many ups and downs. And this on top of work and relationships stresses, I really want to check out of this so-called life for a while.

10/05/2002

106 things about myself that may or may not shape what you think:

1. I don’t think I’m obsessive about any one thing.
2. I’ve loved and owned over 20 cats in my lifetime, most of them rescued from certain death.
3. I’m allergic to cats and took monthly allergy shots for 5 years.
4. After 5 years, my doctor finally informed me that the shots didn’t do anything about pet allergies. I haven’t seen a doctor since.
5. I wanted to be an astronaut or a ballerina when I grew up.
6. I was a star swim team member growing up.
7. My parents were once approached by a then-nationally known swim team coach to allow me to be trained for the U.S. ill-fated 1980 Olympics.
8. I resented that my mother told him no because she didn’t want to get up at 5 am every morning to take me to swim practice.
9. I didn’t get the chance to tell her this before she died suddenly.
10. If I live another 2 years, I will have outlived both of my parents.
11. I strongly feel the need to protect my significant other from anyone who might have a problem with him and have taken punches meant for him.
12. I look forward to getting older and getting my AARP card.
13. I hate the look of crocheted dollies draped over the arms and backs of chairs.
14. Over my lifetime, I have lost every single item I owned twice.
15. I prefer the company of animals to that of humans.
16. After 14 years, I’m still in hiding in another state from other family members.
17. I fabricated a story once about me being one of Santa’s helpers and kept my sister believing it for 2 years.
18. I haven’t eaten a candy bar in over 10 years.
19. I’ve eaten soft tacos in Mexico made with cat meat.
20. I would love to see all poachers shot and killed on the spot.
21. I’ve nervously met a couple of rock stars, all of whom wished they were anywhere else but there with me at the time.
22. I used to like Stephen King years ago before his writing became so “formula”.
23. If I could, I would buy books before buying food.
24. I’m at the heaviest weight I have ever been in my life.
25. I sometimes wish I were anorexic.
26. I don’t have a favorite all-time computer game although I do reminisce about Duke Nuke ‘Em from time to time.
27. I’m the result of a blind date.
28. Both my parents were from the wrong side of the tracks and considered white trash.
29. I think I was born too soon.
30. I could never do any volunteer work.
31. I am unaware of how long some of my Blog entries become until they are published.
32. It’s easy for me to rant and babble.
33. I think Susan Sarrandon is starting to look a lot like Bette Davis
34. I wish fairy dust really existed.
35. My favorite all time movie is the little known “Excalibur”.
36. I own an Excalibur sword.
37. I don’t have a problem following most rules or laws.
38. I used to be well known in my hometown by the local police for speeding.
39. I once totaled a roommate’s car and speed was involved.
40. I once received an A on an essay but don’t remember writing it because speed was involved.
41. I haven’t received a ticket for anything since moving to another city.
42. I dream of moving to a large house in a village somewhere in Europe where there are few cars, where I don’t yet speak the language, and of being accepted and well liked.
43. I dream in color, mostly about cars or cats.
44. I used to have nightmares 5-6 nights a week.
45. Loud thunder, not lightning, scares the shit out of me.
46. I fold my toilet paper.
47. I don’t like jeans that zip. I prefer buttons.
48. New, freshly washed and dried 501 levis make me feel young and sprightly.
49. Occasionally, I like using words and phrases not often heard like “walk along smartly”, “whippersnapper”, and “sprightly”.
50. I share my significant other’s wish to hear of his abusive mother’s death.
51. I haven’t had a favorite alcoholic drink in years.
52. My favorite mixed drinks used to be strawberry daiquiris and Long Island Iced Tea in the summer and Kahulua with milk in the winter.
53. I lost a good friend to drunk driving.
54. I have no friends but like some people better than others.
55. I used to be a coffee junkie.
56. I drive a black sports car but not often.
57. My favorite shades of color runs from brass to copper to black.
58. Because it depresses me, I don’t have a clock by my side of the bed.
59. I can’t wear headphones because my head is too small.
60. I used to wear hats.
61. I have a love/hate relationship with taking showers. I love the fresh, clean feeling but hate the time it takes.
62. I have bottles upon bottles of fragrance but constantly forget to use any.
63. I secretly mourn the death of flowers.
64. 4 years ago, I tenderly buried a freeze-dried mouse and held a private memorial, complete with flowers.
65. Sometimes, I’ll think of some wrong done to me years and years ago and still wish bad things on the person(s) responsible.
66. I need glasses pretty badly.
67. I can’t wear sunglasses because they always give me nose-bridge zits.
68. I claim I don’t like chick flicks or tear-jerkers.
69. I have had surgery twice – nasal and reduction.
70. I still want 1980′s heavy metal hair.
71. I usually start work between 8:30 and 9:30 am.
72. I usually end work sometime between 4 and 5:30 pm.
73. On my work desk, I have an empty Viagra bottle, a flyer entitled, “Celebrating Washington Wines”, a scripto lighter, a stack of blank CDs, and a Catbert Management mint.
74. I take anywhere from 1 month to 3 months to read a single magazine if I’m reading it for the articles and not just looking at the pictures.
75. I work to be able to surround myself with stuff deemed “luxurious” by my neighbors and co-workers.
76. I know I am shallow but think nearly everyone else is too.
77. The minute my boss announces her first pregnancy, I’ll seriously consider resigning from my job immediately.
78. I haven’t worn underwear since 1986.
79. I dread Pap smears.
80. I wish I could be verbally more graceful and diplomatic.
81. I am a social and fashion retard.
82. I hate politics at every level.
83. I used to play the clarinet but wanted to learn to play the piano, drums, and cello.
84. The biggest thing I ever won was an overnight stay at a ocean front motel, but only if I bought a second night. I didn’t use the prize and let it expire.
85. I have no accent whatsoever.
86. I have never had a lesbian affair.
87. I lost my virginity when I was 3 years old.
88. While I have “strained” credit, it is not bad.
89. I could spend thousands of dollars at a local decorating store.
90. I could never justify the cost so I won’t.
91. In 3 grade, I stole a box of gold stars from the teacher’s desk top and then lied about it until I was found out.
92. I was bullied throughout all my school years.
93. I watched “The Big Valley” and “The Dick Van Dyke Show” religiously when I was younger.
94. I am not religious.
95. I will never forgive my parents.
96. I do not know my heritage.
97. I think anti-depressants are a bad idea.
98. I love Minute rice, especially with Italian tomato sauce.
99. I had a gay roommate for 6 years which ended when he asked me to marry him so he would look straight to his parents and employer.
100. Sometimes, I still miss him.
101. People used to make fun of me for owning a KC & the Sunshine Band album.
102. I own all Electric Light Orchestra albums and CDs and can still get chills listening to “In the Hall of the Mountain King” and “Bluebird is Not Dead”.
103. The thought of sex and intercourse used to excite me.
104. I used to prefer hand writing to typing. Now it’s the other way around.
105. I’ve got journal entries in a book dating back to November 25th, 1982.
106. Like some webbloggers, I do have a hidden, secret blog. If you are reading this, you have found it.

10/07/2002

In the Positive column: Over the weekend, I printed out all my journal entries for 2002 to date, using a script kind of font and reasonably nice paper. At the end of the year, I plan on making a book out of it. I’ve wanted to do this for years, but never seem to keep all my handwritten entries in the same notebook, making little notes and stories scattered around the house. One of the reasons I like Online Journals is because I can keep them all in the same place and print them out later (I also keep a copy on my hard drive because I don’t trust Online Journal sites to not lose stuff.) I also found a very addictive online game over at Popcap.com called Bookworm. Either you’ll like it or you’ll hate it. If you like it, don’t be surprised if you lose several hours of your life playing it.

In the Negative column: I lost several hours of my life playing it. Bookworm is still calling me but I’m resisting today. I have a ton of work to do, thanks to FatHead, who is still on his tirade after coming back from his vacation a few weeks ago. He’s also bothering WS with stupid questions on job morale regarding what he (FatHead) thinks he can get away with to affect co-worker morale. I question why the hell FatHead even thinks about this kind of stuff? Why does he feel he needs to pull crap just to get his kicks by affecting our morale? And why doesn’t someone put an end to it? I’ll tell you the answer to that last question. Because either you are with the MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead team or you are against them. There is no grey area. If you are with them, you have the support and love of the company CEOs and managers and here’s the really important part: You get to keep your job. If you are against them, you’re life will be made a living hell and you’re name will be moved up the list for termination. Since WS and I keep very much to ourselves with little contact with FatHead and MsNoManagementSkills, and have learned how to seem like we agree with everything they pull, we survive. Lately, our survival has been on shaky ground because we find it harder and harder to agree with corporate decisions, especially the recent hiring of an outsource company who is going to replace all of us in a few short years because most of us here make 30-45K a year and the employees of the outsource company are perfectly happy making 2K a year while legally being able to beat and repress women in their country. I asked once how MsNoManagementSkills felt about that and she said it didn’t concern her. Okay. I guess it doesn’t. They are way over there and we are over here and they have different values and we can still have our Pelligrino and WWF. Still doesn’t make me happy.

In the Positive column: We were invited to a gourmet dinner last night in exchange for help fixing a very old computer for a car club member. WS can usually figure out any kind of computer problem; that’s one of his daily jobs, but last night stumped him completely. The main problem we suspect is that the system is only 200mHz and is running Windows 95. The program and VPN software the gourmet chef has to use doesn’t work on Windows 95, but he tried to install it anyway and basically blew up his computer. The dinner was wonderful but at one point, we both wondered if they were trying to get us drunk. No less than 8 types of alcohol was served for various sections of the 5 course meal, from beginning to end. I was driving and purposely held back my intact severely, as usual, but I took flack for it. No problem there. I can handle it but as I’ve said before: Most of these new car club people have got to be borderline alcoholics. We are not going to try to keep up. That is a habit we definitely won’t participate in.

In the Negative column: How many tanker ships sitting by the ports along the west coast and unable to be unloaded because of the Longshoremens strike do you suppose have illegal immigrants hiding out in them and perhaps starving to death by now? Yeah, I never thought about that before either.

In the Positive column: I’m working on a 100 Things About Me list. Or maybe that should be under the Negative column. I’ll decide later this week when I finish and publish it. In the meantime, here is a short list of questions and answers I hope to make as a weekly installment. It kind of helps me get on track for the day by getting those all-so-important issues out of my head right out of the gate: What I’m wearing, What kind of mood I’m in, What is affecting my mood, and What is important to me at the moment, either by what I’m enjoying or what I want to accomplish soon. Thanks to The Daily Dave for the inspiration.

Oh, and the washer repairman will be here today sometime between 12 and 6 pm. I wish I could reply with the same when I get the bill, saying I’ll be paying them sometime between 12 and 6 months. It’s not like I’d be somewhere else between 12 and 6; I just don’t like putting my usual routine on hold for that long a period of time, especially if and when the repair person never shows up. Past cable, phone, and gas repair calls come instantly to mind. I really need to play some Bookworm…

The Questions:

Q: What is B wearing?
A: B is wearing light tan shorts and a purple sweat shirt. No shoes or socks.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: B is in a lazy mood because she slept very poorly, as usual, and overwhelmed because her inbox is filled to the gills with work from FatHead.

Q: What is important to B at the moment?
A: Staying awake so she doesn’t miss the washing machine repairman’s visit and staying connected to work in the meantime so at least she’s getting paid for waiting around.

10/08/2002

In the Positive column: The washing machine is fixed and it didn’t cost us a cent or much of our time. We were able to clean up the laundry room at the same time as well and everything is like it’s shiny and new. I’m spending the day today avoiding doing most of the work I really need to be doing for my job, but I am doing the other work that I would normally be doing and it isn’t going too badly.

“Don’t think about all those things you feel. Just be glad to feel.” FC Kahuna from the song Hayling. Part of a hauntingly lovely promo tune about to be released by this band. See the promo video and hear the tune over at Boardsmag.com. The first time I watched it, listening thru headphones, it gave me chills. Or maybe that was the cool night air coming in the window. Either way, WS was bored to tears. I think this band shows promise and I think WS was just in one of those moods where he doesn’t like anything. Or maybe it was because I casually mentioned that I thought the game, Diablo II, was highly over-rated (something I had heard come out of his own mouth a few months ago – I guess he changed his mind).

Replaying Hayling today, WS says he likes it better today. Because the topic of Diablo II didn’t come up, I think my point above has been proved.

MsNoManagementSkills finally notices on her Online Journal that all her mayonnaise friends are dropping her like a hot rock from their links lists. While I have absolutely no delusions about my journal here, I do know that very few people want to read a journal written by a near 30-year old fat, spoiled woman who still calls her parents “Mommy” and “Daddy” while complaining about what her husband will and will not eat day after day after day with only a small smattering about how she loves to prove her co-workers wrong and how incompetent we all are. I’m the first in line to hold my hand up and admit to reading her everyday but only because if I don’t, me and my job will be blindsided by something ugly and nasty and I prefer to go through life prepared. She also admits she never adds friends links on her site because she doesn’t want to go through the trouble to find out how to. I rest my case.

And yes, I know I am a bad person. I’ve been told all my life.

In the Negative column: Nothing negative today. Woo-eeEEE! That doesn’t happen often. Okay, I could go into how I was grinding my teeth last night and today they hurt a bit, but why? Nope. Not going to the Negative column today.

Thanks for the read. Tomorrow, look for my 100 Things about Me list or avoid this place tomorrow if you could care less. I know I’d think about it…

10/14/2002

While I’m waiting for a work conference call, let’s ponder this. If they have nicotine patches to help quit smoking, why isn’t there patches for other addictions, like food, whining, etc?

In the Negative column: I’ve run a couple of tests over the last 24 hours and this is what I’ve discovered: Even if I sleep fairly well through half the night without wearing a Bucky light blocker, the minute I do get up and put it on, time races by and I swear the rest of the night only lasts 10 minutes tops.

If I read MsNoManagementSkills Online Journal first thing in the morning, as usual, my energy level drops, my hunger level goes up, I feel dirty, disgusting, and completely lacking in motivation. However, if I don’t read it, or put off reading it until later in the day, I won’t know what she has up her sleeve that usually does affect my work day. Like today, when she claims she’s going to go take a 2-day computer class, when I’m fairly certain the exact class she is taking is a 4-hour class, giving her a day and a half off paid. Fine. Go. Whatever. Look for confirmation of this later because, sooner or later, she usually slips up and lets everyone in on what she thinks is her little secret. Or FatHead will.

And speaking of FatHead, he doesn’t yet know how much his wife spent over the entire weekend and surely will be royally pissed when he finds out, meaning he’ll take it out on all his co-workers by calling us names and creating a bunch of busy work for us. Just Friday night, after his wife, MsNoManagementSkills spent the day ditching work to go shopping with her “Mommy and Daddy” and brought home 2 carloads worth of knick-knack stuff, he flew off the handle and called WS a prick with a prick car completely out of the blue in chat. It took WS nearly 45 minutes to get out of FatHead what the real problem was, but that was only after WS had to stoop down to FatHead’s mentality level and call FatHead a penis. And all this just after we had our yearly non-harassment review. Tsk, tsk, tsk… Lately, FatHead had been on a big kick to pay off their credit cards after a few banks had cancelled their cards on them. Without his knowledge, MsNoManagementSkills applied for a couple other cards, got them, then wrote about it in her Online Journal. Since FatHead doesn’t read her Journal much, maybe she thought she would just hand over the new credit card bills after running up the balance on them?

Last Friday, I had my hairs cut. I have naturally bad hair – dry, porous, thin (not thinning), and flat with a cowlick on the left front. When I was young, my parents forced me and my siblings to have military haircuts, buzz-shaved heads, not because they were military people – they weren’t. But because my father feared change and the way the world was changing into the hippie/drug/sex/rock’n'roll 60′s and 70′s era it was becoming. It wasn’t until half way through my junior year of high school, after my father had been hospitalized for nearly 5 years at that point and my mother wasn’t really paying attention to us anymore, that the twice monthly hair clipping stopped. I swore that I would let my hair grown down to my feet and then some, but bad genes gave me bad hair and I’m lucky if I can get it to grow to my shoulders.

I had a couple of inches cut off, evening it out just above shoulder level because it looked pretty ratty after this past summer and now it’s manageable, looks good even if I mess with it a bit after washing it, looks bad if I wake up and just run a brush through it. Yesterday afternoon, I decided to weed our front yard and 3 people completely mistook me for the neighbor next door, MrsSportsOrNothing. When MrsSportsOrNothing came home from wherever yesterday evening, I saw why. Her hair looks very similar to mine with only a few golden streaks in front difference. It doesn’t help that we have similar body styles, average height, barrel chest and waist, chunky build. Good thing I got that weeding done because I don’t plan on going out there too much more this year and I hate looking like anyone else.

In the Positive column: Last Saturday was a very frustrating day until late in the day when we decided to hit the liquor store to stock up for the upcoming holidays and next year. We rarely drink but do enjoy a bottle of wine a couple times a month. What we didn’t have very much of was hard liquor, you know, gin, whisky, rum, the kind of stuff that other people like, especially around the holidays and during holiday gatherings. Since we plan on participating in at least one holiday get-together this year with the car club which is full of hard liquor drinkers, we thought we really should stock our house nicely. Depending on what is consumed between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, we figure we should still have most of the $400 worth of alcohol we bought left over to carry us through next year when we’ll re-evaluate and possibly re-stock next holiday season.

Sounds good, right? Yeah, this is how we think of everything. Pretty anal, huh? Hey, you try living with an engineer and hard-core nerd. Anyway, we filled a shopping cart at the local liquor store and people were looking at us left and right like we were either mad or had won a lottery or something. And at the checkout line, a couple of customers asked if they could come to our house to party. “Hahaha”, we nervously laughed and explained how we were stocking our house for the first time and wanted to do it right and then we didn’t waste any time getting all those bottles out to the car. Later, online, we ran a list of ingredients on hand through Webtender and found we can now make hundreds of different mixed drinks whereas before, we could only make 9.

In the Negative column: Tonight will be busy, busy, busy. WS has work but we both have to fill out our yearly job reviews and evaluations before tomorrow. He also has to write a nice thank you card out to the car club guy who fed us last weekend because tomorrow night, we have a god-awful car club By-Laws meeting and this guy will be there. Luckily for me, WS has been working on getting his head in the right place to start paying better attention to time and disciplining himself to stop wasting so much of it. If anyone needs structure in his life, especially right now, it is WS who routinely spends 45 minutes taking showers once or twice a day, a half an hour on his hair (which is really short and not spiky), who cleans his electric razor every time he uses it, who completely loses himself once he gets online and starts looking up electronics stuff or DVDs, and can sit in front of a TV for hours, believing that only a half an hour or maybe an hour at most has gone by.

In the Positive column: We have squirrel number 3 visiting. He’s a small, thin-isque, and very timid squirrel but he’s got the squirrel feeder box figured out. He just doesn’t know what to think of the glass back door and our cat who is usually sleeping just inside it. It’s good that it is timid – it might live longer that way – but I hope he learns that he’s got all the food he wants here and I’ll do all I can to keep him safe when he is here.

Off to work. The conference call is over, a waste of time as usual but no lay-offs announced so that is good. Today, I have some work to do for my job, some other quasi-work related stuff to work on, laundry, vacuuming, and a bit more yard work before WS gets home. Since I have my job review to fill out tonight, I might split up my day again and only work 4-5 hours this morning and the rest tonight, when MsNoManagementSkills won’t be around. Unfortunately, that’s the time most likely that FatHead is working and I can hardly wait to hear what name he’s got lined up for me!

10/15/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: Black tailored shorts and ratty brown sweatshirt. I like contrasts.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: Somewhat dedicated to work and eating good because my job eval was due today and I’m looking forward to looking better before the holidays so I can eat again.

Q: What is important to B at the moment?
A: Not eating any of the breakfast cookies from the plate that WS brought up and figuring out what would be better to eat.

In the Positive column: The tree in our entry way is flowering for the first time since we moved here. That’s 3 1/2 years for anyone keeping track. Nice, small purple flowers, no fragrance. I almost forgot what they were supposed to look like.

In the Negative column: Don’t you hate it when religious people make up their own version of the bible? Like the “Thou shall not kill” part? The Baseball Team parents bought a huge fishing boat and a few rifles a couple of weeks ago and are teaching their brood to hunt and fish. The bible must have meant “Thou shall not kill humans” not, thou shall not kill anything, though my bible doesn’t have a footnote or refer to any detailed explanation of that commandment.

And yes, I have a bible. Two, in fact. One is some standard issue one that I had to carry around with my first husband, the one who slept repeatedly with my sister because “Once a girlfriend becomes a wife, she becomes the mother figure and you wouldn’t want to sleep with your mother so I can’t sleep with my wife unless we’re reproducing at which time, she literally becomes a mother figure. So I have to have fun somewhere.” My other bible is a translated version that explains all the parts in regular, understandable English (but doesn’t explain why women and animals are to be treated basically like crap) but it is filled with rants from a bad ex-roommate who later became my violent stalker after I moved out but before there were any anti-stalking laws. And no, I don’t have any more physical scars from that relationship, thankyouforasking.

The car club honeymoon is over. Obviously, we jumped too soon when we joined and should have held back a while longer to see what kind of people made up the membership, especially the officers. The vice president has become a little outspoken in his choice of personal charity he contributes to and wants the club to contribute to before the end of the year. His charity is the Boy Scouts of America because “they don’t let gays in.” Excuse me? When DrillSargent Dave, our new friend and recently not-elected club president seconded the vice president’s opinion, we just sat there in shock. Double excuse me? Hello? Maybe you and some others here don’t like gays just because they are gay, but there are plenty of people who do. Maybe we’re just too close to the subject to have a non-offended feeling on the topic. I mean, I had a gay roommate for 6 years and would have him as a roommate again in an instant. WS’s mother was in a lesbian relationship for nearly 10 years when he was in his teens. It doesn’t make a person bad, just different and personally, I don’t want to live in a world where we are all exactly the same.

In a somewhat related tale, our new car club president’s wife, who very poorly runs the club website and who was going to get ousted from that committee should DrillSargent Dave had become club president, recently sent out an email to all of us asking for detailed information on our military backgrounds to post on the website, not that having a military background should have anything to do with our car club but since I know that several of the older club members are ex-military, and everyone is older who am I to say anything, especially since I never joined any military group, WS has never joined any military group, none of my family or ex-roommates or ex-husband had ever joined any military group, I don’t believe in the military, or joining any military group, or the kind of brainwashing the military is famous for. In fact, count me a very anti-military group person right here, right now all the way around and I always have been. So after reading her email and fuming about it mixed with the anti-gay statements made the night before from people I used to have some respect for, I told WS that I would never have anything to do with the car club website ever, especially when asked and I would tell people my reasons why (stated above.) The original plan, again, had DrillSargent Dave been elected club president as was highly expected by just about everyone, was that he was going to appoint both WS and I to the website committee and give us free rein to make the club’s website more professional and business-like, a vast different from the “Hi! I’m 12 years old and this is my first web site. I just learned HTML and look at a picture of my cat!” feel that the site currently has under the sole and very controlling direction of the now newly-elected president’s wife. Well, now that site isn’t going to change anytime soon with the exception of the addition of even more american flags, underlined word that confuse people to whether they are a link or not, more blinking and flashing text, and a “Hey! Look at our veterans who made our country free!” information which again has nothing to do with a sports car club.

But maybe that’s just us…

In other car club news: We learned over the weekend that one club member couple is getting divorced, that even though this is a community property state, that he’s already taken off with the sports car, nowhere to be found and he never “allowed” her to have her name on the title. Oh well. He also thought she was too masculine for him and she admitted to only looking for a father figure anyway. Couple this will the resignation of another couple in August and the resignation of the Events chairperson last week and I’d say this club is in the early stages of falling apart. WS agrees completely but will continue to put out the club’s newsletter until told not to or until the club folds. I wonder if we can get our $50 membership renewal fee back?

And if this car club folds, we will not join another one. End of story. We may attend some other club’s meetings but no one will be able to pry a membership fee out of our wallets. Too much drama, too many chiefs, too much bigotry and indifference toward others. There is too much personal prestige to being a lone wolf after witnessing the last few months in this club.

In the Personal Negative column: The vice president of this car club, who voiced his anti-gay sentiments, was the guy who asked me to create and burn a few CDs of music for him 2 weeks ago. Over the weekend, I learned he had someone else copy and re-burn them, removing a couple of tracks that he decided he didn’t like after all, after I burned the exact tracks he originally wanted. I don’t know why he didn’t ask me to re-burn them for him. I could have done it in less than a half an hour compared to the several days it took the other someone else to figure out how to do it. I wouldn’t have been insulted in the least, but I did somewhat feel bad that he didn’t even approach me about re-doing them.

In the Positive column: Yesterday, I got a car accessories order WS place last week for a license plate cover and static cling blackout lens covers. The license plate cover came with instructions but I was surprised that the static cling lens covers didn’t come with any instructions. Now, I know what you are thinking – If you can’t figure out how static cling works, you don’t deserve to have a sports car. Well, smarty pants, I am very educated in static cling and how it works. I would just think that one or two sentences briefly describing how exactly static-y clingy these will be at 75+ miles per hour. Or am I supposed to buy multiple sets so I can replace whatever may be lost in the wind turbulence?

Gee, I hate it when I answer my own questions.

10/16/2002

Only this many days left but who’s really counting.

In the Negative column: Yesterday, I found out that the company CEO wants to fly WS and I down to company headquarters in December, the exact same week as my previously scheduled vacation, the exact same days as both the car club board meeting at our house, Christmas party, and neighborhood holiday progressive dinner party. And get this, if we don’t go, we lose face with the CEOs and MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead get big kudos, looked favorably upon by the rest of the company, and get the ability to grab even more job territory, while participating in their usual bad-mouthing of the two of us without us being around to defend ourselves. Why does stuff like this always seem to happen to us? I am so tired of being accommodating to everyone else just to get stomped on anyway.

In the Positive column: Knowing that we will have to go to company headquarters anyway and determined to find a positive in all this, by going on the trip, my work week that week will be low-key since I’ll be getting paid during flight time and over the weekend when I don’t usually work. Out of pocket costs should be small. WS will be there to defend me against MsNoManagementSkills’ usual belittling of me in front of headquarter employees and will get to see how badly both of them behave on company trips (he hasn’t been able to go to company headquarters in over 3 years due to his other job schedule). And I’ll cancel my previously scheduled vacation, saving the days for after the first of the year or for the cash, should I get laid off then.

In the Negative column: Last night, the car club By-Laws meeting was boring, boring, boring, but I got through it. DrillSargent Dave was still pouting that he didn’t win the club presidential election. WS and I really wish he’d get over it. He’s doing more damage than he knows to club morale. I didn’t ask anyone what the club thoughts are over gay/lesbian issues and I’m not proud of that. I also completely forgot to ask why, oh why, does anything to do with military backgrounds have to be posted on the club website. I’m sure the topic will come up later.

Also in the Negative column: FatHead has been constantly bothering me in work chat today, babbling on about absolutely nothing to do with work. He’s sending me files of music, website URLs about bad language, and yakking on and on about how cool he thinks his life is. I suspect he’s doing this because MsNoManagementSkills took her 4-hour/2-day class/shopping escapade today and he needs someone to ramble on to. I just wish he’d knock it off so I can get anything done. It seems like every time I leave the computer here, even to go to the bathroom, he seems to know and boom, sends out another stream of chat questions about nothing.

In the Positive column: I’ve eaten very good for the last 3 days. Lots of protein.

In the Negative column: Lots of protein leads to constipation. It’s not fun in the least.

In the Positive column: It’s been windy and cold here all morning.

In the Negative column: It’s supposed to hit 80 degrees F by 5 pm. WTF? Why is it 80 degrees here in October? Very unusual and very uncomfortable. I want real fall weather! Wind, rain, grayness, clouds, fog, mist, and cold, cold air. Maybe next week?

10/18/2002

Since yesterday was one of those days where everything, and I do mean everything went wrong and I spent the day entirely too depressed, I chose just to forget about it. It started when WS brought home pizza Wednesday night for dinner, ruining my 3 days of good and sparse eating and ended last night when I told DrillSargent Dave at the car club meeting that I was not interested in being a member of his membership committee because “I have a bad attitude over how this club is currently being run.” But I don’t want to bring any of you down so let’s move right to the Positive column.

In the Positive column: I only have to work 3-5 hours today, 2 and a half hours worth already being completed.Woo-eeEEE! Tomorrow at this same time, WS and I will be on our way to a lodge way up in the mountains as our last cruise event of this season with the car club. We’ll be spending the night there, then taking a fall leaf tour and drive throughout the countryside before heading back home Sunday afternoon. Weather should be cloudy, chilly, perhaps misty, and down-right fall-like at last! And yes, I suspect we’ll see a leaf or two.

Since we’ll be leaving here around 6 am tomorrow, I have a big to-do list for today and early tomorrow morning. Bed sheet changing, laundry, over-filling the cat food and water bowls and vacuuming before we leave so we don’t come home to a house full of cat litter, packing both hot summer and cool fall clothes so we don’t have to sit somewhere for hours sweating or freezing to death like at the last car club event, packing shower stuff, the CB, folding chairs, music CDs, snacks and whatnot. I’ve got a good system for packing stuff and it is amazing how much stuff I can easily pack into my car without it looking like it is stuffed to the gills and without it appearing that we obviously forgot anything. I count this to my days back when I used to go camping and ATV racing. Back then, when everyone else was eating beans out of cans and drinking bad generic beer, I was whipping up blackened chicken soft tacos and making french press coffee in the same amount of time, in the same amount of space, while still being first in line to race up Competition hill. Again, just like Martha Stewart but without any of the insider trading. I’ll admit that my nails look worse though.

Today, I really should re-record some music and burn a couple more CDs to take along. But ugh. I like the burning part but hate the re-recording part.

MsNoManagementSkills is away, alledgedly taking a “class” but her Online Journal eludes to shopping too often and with whom to believe that’s what she’s really doing.

[start shameless self-puffery]
Just stopped to watch a commercial on TV about the new 255 horsepower Nissan Maxima where the paint is peeling off because it is supposedly going “so fast”. Ooooo….255 whole horsepower. Quite a bit lower difference from what I have. HA!
[end shameless self-puffery]

Well, I really ought get to that to-do list and make a stab attempt to look like I did something at work today. Only 2 hours left for work!

10/21/2002

In the Negative column: Only about a billion things going wrong at work today including the entire system blowing up a couple of hours ago so what better time to update my blog?

In the Positive column: The weekend went off with only a small minor hitch (more on that later). Neither one of us slept well Friday night but we knew that the trip to a northern lodge with a crowd of sports car enthusiasts would keep us awake all day Saturday and we weren’t wrong. Picture 18 sports cars all in a long line winding, weaving, and snaking through the paved back roads of high mountain country. The fall leaves were stunning in brilliant red, oranges, and screaming yellow mixed with the blue-greys and deep greens of various conifers and speckled with occasional misty fog and the view of small waterfalls. A truly beautiful, 4 hour drive to the lodge, which turned out to be…

In the Negative column: …a run-down 50′s strip motel with non-functional toilets, TVs from the Admiral-brand television set days of the 1960′s, and ancient egg crate foam-covered beds. I think more than just us are re-looking at the couple that set this car event trip up. These people had been talking up this place since August, saying at one point, “It reminds me of home,” and if this is just like home to these people, remind me to never visit their house.

In the Positive column: WS used to be a cheap-o motel assistant manager long ago and got our toilet working within 5 minutes. He can fix nearly everything. Too bad he couldn’t do anything about the crappy TV, but we didn’t drive all that way to watch TV in our room. Around 5 pm, all 28 of us took over the covered grassy area behind the motel and set up a bar, complete with huge platters of food. By 7 pm, most of us were pretty much 3 sheets to the wind and that’s when I got out the Southern Comfort 100 proof I brought along to donate and anyone who wasn’t feeling happy at that point, was downright giddy shortly thereafter. Around 9 pm, we all walked, staggered, or were carried across the street to the only restaurant in the small town for dinner. Lacking in both decent service or food didn’t stop us from having good conversation or watching a couple of us snoozing off in our chairs. After dinner, we headed back to the motel and continued partying until 10:41 pm when the last man standing wasn’t anymore. Remember, this is a group of people mostly retired or close to it. WS is the youngest club member in years at 36 years old; most are 55+ but only a few members actively act that old.

Sunday morning was quite a bit more subdued, both during the restaurant breakfast buffet and after. We were all back on the road, heading for home by 10 am. Within 2 hours from home and on the major interstate highway, a couple of very high-rise 4×4 pickup trucks with Alaska license plates came up and passed us like we were standing still and this means they were doing well over the usual 85 miles per hours we usually cruise at. Truly a scary sight, especially since they both had huge, tall, knobby tires that were just roaring with sound and we knew that the tires were not rated for that high rate of speed.

After about 20 minutes, we came up on an overpass and there was a highway patrol car backing up rapidly and racing down onto the interstate. We all thought we had been nailed even though none of our radar detectors registered anything so we all pulled over to the far right lane and slowed down to 70, below the posted speed limit and waited for the cop to catch up and pull us all over. But he didn’t. He raced past us and within a mile, pulled over both of the tall 4x4s. We didn’t exactly pull over, nor speed back up terribly but just stayed all in a line, just at the speed limit and drove past. After 25 miles or so, we all sped back up, looking forward to getting home.

In the Negative column: Less than a half an hour from home, our gas gauge instantly dropped from a third of a tank to below empty and the car computer gave out a LOW FUEL warning, which wasn’t right because we weren’t. Turns out, this is a problem for this car in all years 1996 through 2002 with the only exception of 2001 models. Not a major problem, however. The car doesn’t run out of gas, it doesn’t shut the car off; it’s just a false reading, usually brought on by using gas that has a high sulfur content (Texaco and Shell gas). The fix is to either switch gas types to Chevron or low sulfur gas if you can figure out who sells that, or go get your gas gauge sensor repeatedly replaced because replacing the sensor won’t solve the problem. So, we pulled into the last rest stop, then proceeded to the closet gas station where everything returned to normal, which is typical in this kind of problem and now, we’ll be looking into getting a credit card from Chevron soon.

In the Positive column: Since this last weekend was the last car event of the year and short of the window tint business I’ll be taking the car to Thursday morning, the car won’t be going out any more until next March. In the meantime, when and if I need gas, I’ll make sure I fill up at Chevron instead and I’ll apply for one of their cards. We’ve been thinking of getting a second gas credit card for the last year anyway. No need to take the car back to get the sensor replaced if I don’t have to and I can take measures in the meantime toward getting better gas in the car to see if that will help. No doubt, you’ll read more about this next year.

Our work system is still down but I am working on job stuff in the background. I really need to vacuum out both cars today, vacuum upstairs here, and pick up stuff around here. I did a pretty good job yesterday after getting home in getting laundry done, the car completely washed (it was filthy beyond words, and everything we took along put back away. Since we cleaned up the place before leaving Saturday morning, we came home to a reasonably clean house. Even the cats seemed to limit the amount of mess they usually make. They are good cats overall.

Tomorrow should be a much better work day than today, I’m hoping. Tomorrow night, we go out to a very nice dinner with DrillSargent Dave and his lovely wife, Linda. We scheduled this dinner 2 months ago and given the latest car club events, we ought to have a lot to talk about. He was a perfect gentleman and all-around fun guy over the weekend. We’ll see if I change my mind about him after dinner tomorrow. Wednesday is a long, long, long work day for WS so I’ll be here alone for most of the day working myself. Thursday morning, I take my car to get window tint and 2 weeks after that, I take it back for a check up to make sure nothing is bubbling or peeling and to get any needed touchups. If needed, Thursday evening, I’ll re-wash the car and it goes into pre-storage mode for the rest of the year. After the 2 week window tint check up, the car will only see the light of day once a week for a routine start up, roll out to the end of the driveway, then back into the garage and under the car cover until next year.

Mental note to self: Order more Z5, Z2 polish and more applicators.

10/25/2002

Sorry for the absence. The week definitely didn’t go as planned.

In the Negative column: Very early Tuesday morning, I woke up with a raging sore throat, tons of sinus pain, and achy joints with a temperature to boot. Unfortunately, I had to work anyway and by early Wednesday morning, I had no choice but to take a sick day. Every day since has been a blur but I have gotten a lot of sleep.

In the Positive column: Today, I’ve feeling a little bit better. I have a dry, hacking cough normally heard from smokers (I have never smoked) and lovely bright yellow wads of snot from the nose which usually means the worst is over. I didn’t get to go to that nice dinner with DrillSargent Dave and his lovely wife Tuesday night, but I really wasn’t looking forward to doing that anyway. I also didn’t get to take my car down to get the windows tinted yesterday but I still had reservations about doing it the way they do that too, so I called and cancelled Wednesday night. Or at least WS tells me I did. I can barely remember making the call but do remember my voice sounding awful. I don’t know if or when I might reschedule that.

In the Negative column: Usually, when I get sick, the entire house falls apart and I spend most of my sick time thinking about all the laundry piling up, the dishes getting down, the mounds of cat hair and litter around, etc. WS did a fairly good job of taking care of most of it for the first time ever but I did have to initially mention things that were painfully obvious to me. Like today. I’d been working for 4 hours. WS had been home trying to fix his computer so he can log into work and it hadn’t gone well in the least. Finally, I hobble downstairs (my joints are still achy) and the leather couch had cat barf all over it. A first! Usually, there is some on the hardwood floor somewhere to clean up. Since WS had been up and downstairs several times, you would think he would see it and clean it up. Nope. No wonder he’s working upstairs today instead of his usual couch position, I think and start complaining. But he surprised me and rushed downstairs right away and not only cleaned it up, but then leather cleaned and moisturized the cushions. If only this would last throughout the weekend so I could really rest and get over this… We’ll see.

In the Positive column: Our required trip to company headquarters’ in December has mercifully been rescheduled for the week after originally planned. This means I can still take vacation, host to car club board meeting, participate in the neighborhood holiday event and then look forward to sitting on a cramped plane with poorly recycled air with a bunch of people going to see loved ones, perhaps to pass on the illness I’m now starting to recover from. Oh, sorry. That’s sounded like a negative, didn’t it? I apologize. I’m ill and ill people sometimes wear their emotions closer to the surface than normal. But at least WS will be coming along to help stand up to you know who.

In the Negative column: Somewhere, WS and I got our wires crossed and I volunteered our house for a New Year’s Eve gathering of various car club couples. Yes, we love to show off the house, especially since most of our neighbors think our place is too high and snooty for them to visit anytime other than Christmas (we can’t help it if we chose to decorate over having children!) and so far 8 couples will be coming over. Yikes! Downstairs, we have one leather loveseat-sized couch and 4 barstools. And no money to buy any other furniture until late next year. Not that we’d have any place to put any other chairs. Sure, there is a large Persian rug on the floor and I’ll bring out the silk and suede floor pillows but we’re talking older people who probably haven’t sat on the floor since Truman was in office. Well, if this ends up like the neighborhood holiday gathering does, all the men will be in the living room gathered around the home theatre, some sans chairs and all the women will either be in the kitchen or upstairs in the library or bedrooms anyway. I need to start thinking positively about this now or I will worry myself sick over it well before it happens and I don’t need that again.

In the Positive column: Tomorrow starts a weekend off and I don’t have a thing planned other than to get over this cold/flu. WS is off as well and I am just hoping that he doesn’t come down with this himself. I’ve been good at keeping to myself and not touching or coughing on anything that he would come into contact with. Just to be on the safe side, I plan on re-cleaning our bathroom before going to bed and I’ll wipe down some other areas with disinfectant. That will be one less thing he’ll have to do and it will be done for the weekend.

Well, it’s late-ish here and I’ve been propped up all day. The moon just came over the small mountain out back to the northeast and it looks big, yellow, and beautiful. For the last 3 nights, I have woken up in the middle of the night to find myself bathed in pure moonlight coming in through the skylight and directly down onto me. I read once that being in a moonbeam is a lucky thing, if you find yourself in one naturally and not having to move yourself to be in the rays. I think that thought has helped me sleep better and feel downright special.

10/28/2002

In the Negative column: Another workday and another early morning conference call with headquarters. Employees there have commandeered the microphone and are singing, whistling, and cracking bad jokes. Obviously, no real management is in the room and more obviously, no one realizes that people across the country with security access can listen into these kindergarten antics. Very unprofessional. It doesn’t make me feel any better to hear co-workers there having fun, just that much more sad and depressed. Our department is run much, much more strict here and quite literally, unless we like Pay-Per-View wrestling or the show “Trading Spaces”, both of which I hate (sorry, TS fans), we are not allowed to have or make any fun during work hours. After years of working in this kind of environment, combined with MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead constantly looking for reasons to get each and every one of us fired, it just sucks the life and creativity out of a person.

As a result, I am constantly depressed, but I do look for ways to vary my daily routine so things don’t get so bad that I start thinking of hurting myself. Some weeks, I get up very early and get work done and over with by early afternoon. Other weeks, I’ll sleep late and work from noon until whenever. Sometimes, I’ll work 4 or 5 hours early in the day, then end with 3 to 4 hours in the evening. At least my job is flexible that way and I never stop appreciating that. During non-work hours, I try hard to immerse myself in something that completely takes my mind off my job but this doesn’t work very often, and when it does, there is usually something else just as stressful going on that keeps me from completely forgetting everything.

Sounds like a good reason to start up a serious drinking or heroin habit, doesn’t it? Well, I’m just not into alcohol or drugs. Food is my drug of choice and today, I am really fighting a strong urge to eat, the end result of my bad cold last week. But dammit! I am so tired of looking like a cow.

Also, in the Negative column: Somewhere, my horoscope last week must have said that people from my past will try to contact me. Saturday, my long lost brother called me out of the blue. I haven’t talked to him in 3 years, nor seen him in 15 years. Nor do I want to. While he isn’t the reason I moved thousands of miles away, all my other siblings were. Those are the people really looking for me but only because one of the most distasteful of my relatives has recently died and apparently, this person stated in their will that we all had to get together for the reading of their will. Fat chance this will happen. I will never, and I do mean never will return to that portion of the country, for any reason, or under any circumstances and my long lost brother knows this.

So, he was less than helpful to another relative when recently talking to him about my whereabouts: He claimed to not know where I am. Good boy!

Later in the day, I received a letter from an emotional vampire couple who are looking to get back into touch with us. To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t tell you which group of people here, between this couple and my siblings, are worse. Both groups are constantly in trouble with the law, both believe heavily in burglary mostly to support drug habits, both are chronic liars, manipulative, and intentionally hurtful (sounds like the people I work with, doesn’t it?). Both I have desperately tried to remove completely from my life and I have come to believe that until each and every one of them dies, I will continue to do everything in my power to keep it that way.

Hours later, after thinking about all this, I decided that lately, meaning over the last 3 years, I had been a bit more trusting of people than I should have ever been, a little less aware of my surroundings and I haven’t taken as good of care of myself as I should be in order to protect myself if it ever came to that. It’s depressing to think that I would have to go back into hermit-mode, more than I already do and I’ll have to get my head back into that place, but I can and will do it.

Don’t you just hate it when family members cry, “BUT WE’RE FAMILY!!!!” and “Blood is thicker than water.” I strongly disagree with both statements.

I need to find some books on how to prevent people from finding a person. I was warned by my long lost brother that one of my siblings has too much time and money on their hands and everyone else is toward this sibling to finding me. So, today…

In the Positive column: …I’ll be removing my legal name from any Internet resource, changing any remaining billing names from mine to WS’s, and potentially calling the phone company to request that under no circumstances, will we ever accept a call from anyone insisting that it is an emergency and they NEED to contact me. This week, I’ll be looking for a good family lawyer and inquiring how to go about legally removing one’s self from a family, something WS has been considering himself from his mother, whom, every few years, tries to find him in order to bilk money out of him. Isn’t family wonderful? I just don’t see it…

Okay, back to work. Nearly 3 hours put in so far. Nothing really accomplished but 3 hours is 3 hours of time done. Tomorrow, I promise to be more positive. Really.

Unless, WS really has caught that nasty cold…

10/29/2002

In the Negative column: WS has a cold. I probably should have slept in another room because he kept me awake most of the night with his louder-than-usual snoring. I also got up with another sore throat. How is it that I can go 6 days without passing my cold onto to him and within one day, I possibly catch his? I’ll tell you how. I take super-human measures not to sneeze all over the place, not to touch anything that he normally uses, and I disinfect everywhere I go when I’m sick. He doesn’t even think of it until it is way too late.

In the Positive column because we need something positive here: Last weekend, when I was feeling better and determined to get out of the house, we stopped at a local linen and kitchen super store. I was looking specifically for bar glasses. What I didn’t know is that while I was choosing between cheap glasses by the dozen, WS was over at the down comforter and pillow section and picking up flannel and high thread count sheets. We always wanted all this stuff but could never justify the cost. So we’ve just always had cheap-o sheet sets in odd colors with matching tacky blankets. When we have visitors, either no one sees our bedroom, or we throw a neutral colored coverlet over the bed, pile it with pillows, pick up everything off the floor, and it looks just like most people’s bedrooms, however, the last thing it looked like was inviting. That’s all changed. I think he was going for the cushy, puffy, resort look and it looks pretty good. I can certainly live with it but what I really look forward to is getting end tables and lamps someday. I hate stuff all over the floor.

In the Negative column: Why is it the world has been brainwashed into believing that the only way someone could be an “Idol” or a “Superstar” is for that person to be a singer or somehow only in the entertainment business?

In the Positive column: 7 left to go at work today. And Mel Tillis is still dead.

In the Negative column: Because WS is home sick today, I have to go pickup cat food and litter alone. Not too bad of a chore if you don’t consider that we buy cat food in multiple 20 pound bags and litter in multiple 40 pound bags. Oh, how I look forward to lifting all this into the car.

In the Positive column: Only a couple more days left in the month of October. I really like October for the most part, however, it seemed to me that this year there were a lot more tacky Halloween crap pushed onto the public at all the local grocery stores. It was hard to ignore but I did the best I could. I’m really looking forward to November.

In the Negative column: We used to be a couple of Halloween’s biggest fans. We used to dress up dramatically and scare the crap out of people. We used to buy large candy bars to hand out to kids. None of that cheap, sucky candy for our trick-or-treaters here. While we never decorated the house for this holiday (tacky!) we did enjoy participating in everything else the evening held.

Unfortunately, the first Halloween this neighborhood development experienced was less than fun for us. We dressed up as usual: WS as a huge white dragon, and me as a dark, ghostly figure, and attended the first neighborhood Halloween party held the night before the holiday. Within the first 15 minutes, we were told loudly by most of the attendees that we were dressed “too morbid” for everyone’s tastes and then promptly ignored for the rest of the evening. It seems everyone else was dressed as Austin Powers, Little Bo Peep, Lucille Ball, various clowns, and Charlie Chaplin.

Uh, hello? It WAS Halloween. You know, ghosts and ghouls and the like? When the fuck does Halloween mean dressing up like Little Bo Peep anyway?

So we spent the remainder of the evening literally banished to the host and hostess’ garage with another individual dressed as Jason.

But wait! It gets better…or worse depending on how you want to look at this. The next night, Halloween, we got dressed up again, set ourselves and our candy bar stash up outside the front door, and waited for trick-or-treaters.

Within 2 hours, we had eggs thrown at us, our house, our candy bar stash stolen when a large group of teenagers physically accosted the 2 of us and we couldn’t keep our eyes on everyone, I had my costume ripped, WS had his huge dragon mask knocked from his head twice, our driveway urinated on twice, once intentionally, one by a terrified toddler, verbally abused and threats made to come back and smash windows “for fun”, and numerous neighbors seemingly purposely skipped our house by walking on the other side of the street, hitting both houses on either side of us but not ours – all within clear view of us standing and sitting on our clear and unobstructed, well lit porch.

To this day, we don’t understand it but viewed it as a definite snub. So we don’t participate in the holiday anymore and have done just fine without it. No candy purchases which can only be better for us, health-wise. No stress in making sure we are dressed up and ready to greet kids. And no stress over what will get stolen, ripped, or ruined, including stress on our mental health.

Oh, sure. We still worry about eggs thrown at the house and candy wrappers and neighbor pumpkins tossed in the yard, but we survive it, and survive it much better than we did that first year.

The neighbors have never invited us to another Halloween party or inquired as to why we don’t participate in anything anymore and we couldn’t be more pleased.

In the Positive column: Thursday night looks to be fairly quiet around here…

10/30/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: Khaki-colored shorts, white socks, and the rattiest, holest shirt in the closet.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: B is thinking that she’s got a lot of physical work to accomplish today including repotting a tree, the cleaning of outdoor furniture before storing for the year, and scrubbing toilets.

Q: What is important to B at this exact moment?
A: Refilling my 2 liter water bottle and creating the appearance that I am actually working.

In the Positive column today: I really DID NOT want to get out of bed today. My brain made me do it but I’m up, showered, and thinking of all the things I can get done today because I got up. I also don’t feel like I re-caught a cold. Actually, I feel pretty good. WS claims he feels better than yesterday but he may have just said that for my benefit.

In the Negative column: Yesterday, we went over our current view on Halloween and the personal whys. Today, I’ll share another Halloween disaster story of why we don’t participate any longer in this holiday. 2 years ago, a year after the neighborhood Halloween party fiasco where yesterday I briefly mentioned being banished to the host’s garage with another attendee, Mr. NoWe’reNotHavingKids, whom was also deemed “too morbid” by the neighborhood (Tips to remember: It’s HALLOWEEN, people, not Easter! We’re supposed to dress scary.) That other banishee invited us to a “real” Halloween party, promising that our costumes would be appreciated and we’d be the life of the party.

Hint: If anyone ever tells you “You’ll be the life of the party”, running screaming in the opposite direction.

To make a long, boring story about a long, boring party short, we were not exactly the “life of the party”. We got a couple of half-hearted grunts of what may have been approval or intestinal gas and within the hour, we found ourselves back out in the garage, talking about Quake II and how much fun the developers must have had in writing all that code. Yes, it turned out to be a geek Halloween party and it also turned out that the real “life of the party” was a guy who wrapped himself in aluminum foil, glued a keyboard to his chest and placed an empty computer monitor over his head. I’m still not sure what impressed everyone else so much; the fact that he actually glued the keyboard onto his chest with Liquid Nails or how it took less than 10 minutes to throw the costume together. Yawn.

Mr. NoWe’reNotHavingKids spent the drive home apologizing for the lack of life or fun at the party, blaming it all on several people who supposedly didn’t show up as promised. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Thanks. It was uh…fun. Less than 3 months later, Mr. We’reNotHavingKids was expecting a kid and insulted us to the point that we never talked to him again and another friendship and holiday gone down the drain.

But in the Positive column: It’s finally gotten cold here at night. We officially hit freezing last night, allegedly, but there was no sign of it this morning. I half expected the fountain to be coated in ice but nope. Nothing. Rooftops and lawns weren’t white with frost either. It was windy last night so that may have had something to do with it. Another couple of chances this week for icy conditions.

A month from today, we’ll be deep within our best decorating season. We both love decorating for Christmas and our house really comes to life. We’ve been collecting decorative items all year and only have one thing left to go for the big Christmas tree downstairs. Last year, we put up 3 trees total: a sparkly, crystal-laden 6-foot fake tree in the library, a 12-foot fake tree in the foyer, and a 9-foot slim fake tree in our bedroom. Of all, the bedroom tree was the most beautiful and WS wants the foyer tree to look the same this year. This means we had to shop for all new decorations but I think we’ve gotten nearly everything. We decorate everything in an Old World/European style – Lots of grapes, beaded fruit, gold leaf stuff, string instruments, cherubs, tapestries, bullion fringe, grape vines and raffia, blah, blah, blah…Short of finding some additional bar ware last weekend, I think we’re ready for our favorite time of year – November thru December.

Sorry. I get so excited at this time of year.

10/31/2002

In the Negative column: Okay, it’s Halloween. Whatever. See my 2 previous entries. Oh wait! I got a Halloween gift! My period! Ewwww…gross! Yeah, I know. I’m too morbid. Let’s move along.

In the Positive column: Ms. and Mr. SportsOrNothing next door is teaching their teenage kids how to take care of their car. This means only taking the car to an automatic car wash, leaving all the windows open overnight during the summer while parked in the driveway, and the latest: on frosty nights, stretching a towel across the windshield, and pouring water over it. In theory, I guess, in the morning, the towel is frozen solid and you just peel it off the glass and wa-la! The glass is ice free. Sorry, I can’t test this theory out. I refuse to park overnight in my driveway. That’s what a garage is for, contrary to popular belief.

In the Negative column: Of course, it would probably help emmensely if that towel actually stayed on the car overnight and didn’t repeatedly blow off in the wind and end up in our front yard. The real scary part is that although Ms. and Mr. SportsOrNothing are making an effort, albeit a SMALL effort, to teach their kids car stuff, in reality, the kids don’t even drive or care for the car that was purchased for them. They are driving the big-as-a-small-house SUV and driving it poorly at best. Count me as probably the one person in the world who thinks this but 16 year olds should not be driving Cadillac Escalade SUVs, nor driving them at high speeds down narrow neighborhood streets, especially without any parental supervision. But hey, what do I know. I chose not to have children so I’m not allowed to comment on what children should and shouldn’t do.

In the Positive column: No signs of any neighborhood Halloween party tonight. Probably due to the falling out of many of the neighbors with each other last spring (more on that in a later entry). Just as well. Now I’ll only need to pick up pounds of candy wrappers and smashed pumpkin parts from the front yard tomorrow instead of the usual candy wrapper, pumpkins, and beer cans.

I’m working on working early today so as to have a short day. I have no intention of handing out any candy tonight so the house will be dark, the doorbell chime will be muted, and I’ll probably spend the evening reading and watching some TV. I’ve only got about a dozen books I bought over the summer that have done nothing but sat on a shelf gathering dust and I’m actually embarrassed about not getting through them before now. This is so not like me, who usually devours books. Blame the job. Here’s a list:

• Wildlife Wars by Richard Leakey
• The Coldest March by Susan Solomon
• Dangerous Beauty by Mark C. Ross
• Villa Decor by Betty Lou Phillips
• WITSEC by Pete Earley and Gerald Shur
• Wild in the City by Houck and Cody
• Peyton Place by Grace Metalious
• The Gladiator by Alan Baker
• The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
• Ordeal by Sea by Thomas Helm

Obviously, I have a busy winter ahead of me and I couldn’t be happier.

Have a good Halloween and stay safe out there.

November 2002

11/01/2002

Glorious November. I love it and vow to be in a good mood all day. We seemed to have survived Halloween night intact with no obvious vandalism. The frigid cold weather probably helped. The bracing cold winds are supposed to die off tonight and if so, I plan on taking a walk around the development, a first for me since West Nile Fever was found in my portion of the country. No need to set up one’s own body for a mosquito smorgasbord if you don’t have to. Thanks to the cold weather, mosquitoes should be mostly be gone. Unless any have taken to wearing down jackets.

Which brings me, albeit badly, to that down comforter WS bought last weekend. DAMN but is that thing nice and luxurious or what? I had no idea. I’m currently sleeping mostly through the night, without my Bucky, but I seem to be aware of the down comforter and the nice, crinkly, high-thread count duvet cover in my sleep and it makes me feel good and happy and I tend to snuggle deeper into the warm softness. In the morning, I truly do not want to get up, even worse than I used to feel BC – Before Comforter. I was an idiot to never buy a comforter before.

For the last couple of years, I’ve been baffled by our neighbors directly across the street from us. Usually, I can create a nickname for nearly anyone nearly instantly, but these people have stumped me. If you have been reading here for any amount of time, you will recognize these people as the owners of the Cat from Hell, the animal who kills all wildlife in our neighborhood just for the sake of killing something, and the owners could care less, thinking it is their god-given right to own an animal that does so.

To be fair, let me go over some of their daily habits just so you won’t think I just dislike them for their cat.

When we all first built our houses and moved into this development, most of us at that time wanted our neighborhood to look it’s best. The comments from our neighbors across the street?

“Oh, you are all so anal. Who cares?”

When we noticed these people playing Madam Butterfly loudly out their windows in the summer, we thought it was charming and wanted to get to know them better, thinking they may be somewhat cultured. When we found out this behaviour was to be a weekly habit and only when the husband was drunk, it got old quickly. When the volume was mentioned, the response was

“Oh, it’s bringing culture to the neighborhood. It’s not that bad!”

When other neighbors mentioned that the crane fly infestation in their own yards was a direct result of the massive infestation of these people’s yard, they replied with “It’s natural. We’re not going to use chemicals to kill anything.”

When jokingly commenting on their Easter/4th of July/Halloween/Christmas lights that are left on the house year after year and never taken down, the Fisher Price, small kid-sized, brightly colored, plastic table and chairs sitting on their porch for the last 3 years while their children are older teenagers, a fallen-over barbeque lying for a year on their front walkway, and let’s not forget the cat that kills everything, these people’s offhanded comments are always “Oh. We never notice these things.” and nothing ever changes.

In honor of these latest developments and in talking to several other neighbors, I have officially named these neighbors across the street, whom never seem to notice anything around them, The Blinders, since they so perfectly seem to be wearing them. Find them above from now on in the Cast of Characters. No doubt, you’ll be hearing more about them in the coming months, especially when they start loudly calling us anal because we choose to use only small miniature, steady-burning Christmas lights when we decorate our house outside. They subscribe to the flashing, neon “EAT AT JOE’S” mode of decorating, complete with numerous burned out bulbs.

Thank god it’s Friday. This weekend I plan on redecorating a portion of our kitchen, living room, and library straight out of a couple of Architectural Digest magazines and that Villa Decor book I read last night using just the stuff we currently own. This should keep me busy for a few hours. WS has put his foot down on buying anything else for the rest of the year and I’m fine with that. We have a ton of stuff. We don’t need anything else. It’s time to start paying off those credit cards and not a moment too soon.

11/04/2002

In the Positive column: nearly 4 hours of work done already.

In the Negative column: MsNoManagementSkills has assigned me with several others to a project that is already doomed to fail and make us all look like idiots that wasted “valuable” company time. The first problem with this is that she is not who I technically report to so she has no right to assign me to anything. Second, I have absolutely NO time to play her little project game. I’m swamped with my own work, a ton of which came in over the weekend. And thirdly, my real boss, MrSmartButFakingIt is working on my yearly job evaluation sometime this month. If I’m not working on something that isn’t doomed to fail from the start and something more visible, like my usual work, he will think I’m not doing anything worthwhile, thus falling squarely into the middle of MsNoManagementSkills’ ploy and, unknowingly, helping her cause to get anyone she doesn’t like laid off or fired. I’m not going to play this game. At least not today and not until I talk to someone else about it.

And speaking of MsNoManagementSkills, she’ll be taking off 3 days this week on another alleged Microsoft class, but we all know she’ll post later on the week about how she met up with friends to go shopping and got paid for it. I so wish the company CEOs would accept that she is the number 1 cause of morale issues in our department and just get rid of her. Of course then, someone else would have to do her job with blinders on, blissfully ignorant of how things unfairly affect their co-workers or not caring one way or the other. Perhaps, change in this case wouldn’t be good. At least, I still have my job.

In the Positive column: I worked all weekend cleaning and organizing cabinets and cupboards and nearly finished everything. I’m pretty proud of all I accomplished.

In the Negative column: Next door, SportsOrNothing removed a minivan from inside their garage where it had been stored over the past few months and purchased yet another old, used refrigerator. Why, when they already have 2 others not including the one in their kitchen? I don’t know. We don’t get it in the least. Maybe they need to refrigerate more stuff than the rest of us? They only have 2 kids, both of whom spend little time at home anymore. They don’t hunt animals. They don’t eat healthy, fresh fruits or vegetables. Why would someone need 4 refrigerators? Strange.

In the Positive column: Rainy, windy weather promises to return in a couple of days. WaHOO! I didn’t move here years ago for sunny, dull, monotonous days that all blend into each other. I want the rain. I want the stinging cold. I want the gray, cloudy skies. I don’t want to see another sunny day until early next March. The month of October turned out to be such a disappointment overall, with overly dry weather and too much sun. Let’s hope this won’t be turning into a yearly trend much like the lack of snow this area sees as compared to just 20 years ago when every year brought several inches of snow. Yeah, global warming is real and it’s here in my town.

This week, we have a couple of car club meetings but I’m considering not going to either of them. I’ve seriously pulled away from the car club, working on my car, visiting any
car-oriented web sites, visiting any car club friends, and I don’t mind a bit. I was already burnt out. Just too much car stuff too soon after not having one for over 15 years. Next spring/summer will bring more car events than I even care to think about right now.

In the Negative column: We’re in the process of finding a family lawyer. Friday afternoon, my long lost brother called here again. I didn’t answer the phone. His message was that, yes, the reason my family is trying to find me is because of my grandfather’s death and will, that they need to find me immediately so they can all get their hands on whatever money he may have left and the law requires that they try to find us all, and that they have vowed to find me “whatever it takes”. Okay, fine. Whatever. We’ll be talking to a lawyer first to see if I really need to be in contact with these money-hunger whores and how I can legally separate myself for all time from my family so this doesn’t continue to happen every time someone dies. If I wanted to be around for the dramatics and deaths of my family members, I would have never left the state without telling anyone I was doing so. I purposely left without saying a word. I purposely didn’t contact any of them. I positively do not want to be a part of any of their lives ever. I don’t want to hear how many times they have all been busted for something illegal (apparently, a yearly occurrence for most of them). I don’t want to be responsible for them or anything they do. I don’t want to be linked to them in any way, shape, or form. Ever. You would think this would be easy for people to understand, but I guess it isn’t. Probably due to society cramming down everyone’s throat that you just HAVE to stay in touch with your friends and family. What crap!

In the Positive column: We may have a lawyer’s appointment tomorrow. If so, should be fun!

11/05/2002

In the Negative column: I am SOOOO very sick of political ads on TV. Nothing but smear campaigning has been aired for the last 3 weeks. If I didn’t want to keep in touch with what may or may not be happening in my own town via the news, I would be avoiding our local TV stations like the plague.

And since when is a voting day strictly an american (meaning United States american) holiday? I’m not talking a holiday when people get the day off from work, but a holiday like Halloween?

My town TV stations are all asking people to fly U.S. flags today in celebration of voting. Excuse me? Is this more brainwashing on how voting is supposed to mean anything? It doesn’t in my state because more often than not over the last few years, if our state and local governments don’t like the voting results, they just change the law anyway and claim that the voters didn’t understand the issue they voted on. No. I’m not kidding. One of the many, many reasons I don’t waste my time and yes, it really is a waste of time. And, exactly BECAUSE I don’t vote, that gives me the RIGHT to complain. Don’t let anyone try to tell you any differently because they are completely wrong but too full of themselves and too brainwashed to believe any differently.

In the Positive column: It’s cloudy today and a hint of rain smell in the air. Friday looks to be a good, stormy day. I can hardly wait!

Last year at this time, we were getting ready to go on vacation. Yes, a real vacation meaning multiple days and nights away from our house somewhere a hundred or so miles away but within driving distance. On that vacation to a posh, 1930′s style bed and breakfast, our hostess told us she had just read in the paper that eating 3 walnuts a day helped strengthen the immune system and arteries in the brain. After we got back home, we bought a bag of walnuts, ate at least 3 a day everyday over the winter and we remained healthy. Last week, the grocery stores in our area finally put out their whole nuts for the season and I bought 14 pounds of walnuts. I’ve been cracking 3 a day ever since. Yummy! Funny, as a youngster, I never really liked walnuts. I liked peanuts but developed a mild allergy to them that continues to this day. Now, if I could only get WS to crack a few everyday.

Over the weekend, we bought lots of good, yummy stuff at a high-end grocery store in another city. There is so much good stuff in the house now, it’s hard to decide what to make for lunches or dinners. I’ve got all the ingredients for Beef Bourguignon, there’s a 3-berry vanilla custard tart, various rye breads to go with the liverwurst and smoked provolone cheese, fresh pasta and pizza dough with handmade pepperoni sausage and braided mozzarella, baby lettuce salad fixings with Roquefort dressing and glazed walnuts, the list just goes on and on. Thank goodness, most of this can be frozen. We’ll be eating like kings for the next month, just in time for our favorite time of the year with our favorite type of weather.

Slowly working through the Gladiator book I mentioned last week. Good reading. I could easily finish it in a day if I had a day where I could just sit and read. I’ve just been too busy and the evenings, well, it’s getting dark here by 5 pm now and around 6:30, I’m struggling to stay awake. It’s always like this at this time of year. I just need a little time to get used to it and then I find myself staying up half the night. As it is, I’ve already read Villa Decor, Dangerous Beauty, and I plan on finishing both Gladiator and Wildlife Wars by this time next week. I have no idea what I’ll jump into next. I’ll have 6 books left to go and a magazine and a half of Vanity Fair to get through before the next issue. As much as I like Vanity Fair, I don’t think I’ll renew my subscription for next year. I just don’t have the time right now to keep up with them.

In the Negative column: Still waiting for a return call from a lawyer we picked out. WS called and left another message but nothing in return yet. This is not encouraging.

11/06/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: B is wearing a gray flannel bed sheet because it’s so snuggly! Okay, not really. She’s wearing her usual black tailored shorts, a purple worn-out sweatshirt, and black socks.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: B is in a strange mood probably because she didn’t sleep well last night and didn’t want to get out of bed today.

Q: What is important to B at this exact moment?
A: Getting her head cleared out so she can get some work done. For some reason, my brain is muddy. It’s probably the headache.

In the Positive column: Glorious rain! Yes, it’s here at last and promising to stick around for a week. Thank you, mother nature. Also, I’ve verified that 2 of the 3 squirrels that found their way to our backyard are still around and eating nuts from our squirrel feeder. Yippee for them!

Today will be a very busy day. Lawyer appointment at 2 pm (about 2 hrs) – about what? I’m not sure. Originally, we wanted to see what legal avenues I could take should my nasty family track me down like a dog and make my life a living hell, but we think we can deal with that now on our own. We got a second P.O. Box and handed that address to my long-lost brother to give to those money-hungry whores. In a few weeks, I’ll probably get a letter and copy of my not-so-nice grandfather’s will which I can contest or not (trust me, I won’t be contesting anything except the involvement I was forced to take.) and hopefully, I can just send back the letter saying basically, “Yeah, do what you want. I couldn’t care less.” and that will be the end of it and I can go back to my hole and hermit ways.

But we are planning on talking to the lawyer about possibly writing up a trust for us, in lieu of a will that can be contested by both my money-hungry family and WS’s family, which is eerily similar. We are looking to not run into any problems with what each of us leave to the other should either of us die. Currently, should I die first, my family will be all over WS like stink on shit, claiming that I would want each and every single one of them to “have” something to remember me by. WRONG-O! That is the LAST thing I would ever want and so, they would contest any will we might have. We’re hoping a trust will be more secure and more un-contestable. In the case that WS should die first, (please, don’t let that happen!), his mother will legally and illegally grab everything she can get her hands on. How do I know this? She promised this would happen the last time we told her to quit trying to break up our marriage and to leave us alone.

Nice relatives, huh? Be very thankful if yours isn’t this screwed up.

Also on the to-do list today: Make Beef Bourguignon (2 hrs), bake one small custard pumpkin( 1 hr), help WS print up 25 car club newsletters for tomorrow night’s meeting (neither one of us went to the by-laws meeting last night) (2 hrs), make sure I get my 8 hours in at prison…er….work (8 hrs), finish laundry (1 1/2 hrs), vacuum downstairs (1/2 hr), and hopefully get to bed before 10 pm. If I stay focused and work with a “Mission from god” attitude, I can be a super human today and get it all done. Thankfully, MsNoManagementSkills is away from work today so I should have to deal with any of her weekly “OMG! I’m FREAKING out and can’t remember if I took my medication!” attacks. At least, not until tomorrow.

In the Negative column: Why did so many people vote for Jeb Bush in Florida? His name is JEB for god’s sake! Good grief, people. Let’s pay attention next time around, okay?

In the Positive column: No more mud slinging political campaign ads on TV for a while. I’m looking forward to hearing about what other news happened in my town over the last few days, because, accourding to the media, NOTHING is more important right now than political crap. Half of my town could have dropped into a bottomless sinkhole over the weekend and no one here would know it by reading the paper or watching TV.

In the Negative column: Recent email I got about this journal: “Don’t you ever have a day when you don’t have much to say? Too many words. I get headaches reading this so I can’t any more.” My reply: Oh sure. I have days when I don’t have much to say. I have days when I don’t want to say anything. But the whole point of this journal was to get back into the habit of writing, something that is very healing and beneficial for me. Some days, I have to force myself to write because I know it helps me cope without having to resort to medication. Sorry if this journal isn’t for you. Maybe you could read only the first 8 words and then move on? Maybe there are some journals over on AOL that have no words but lots of pictures?

In the Positive column: Actually, I was just happy to get the email.

11/06/2002

Update: That to-do list is getting smaller. Accomplished today so far:

1. Lawyer office visit
2. Beef Bourguignon simmering
3. Custard Pumpkin baking
4. Laundry finished
5. P.O. Box stuff picked up, including yet another book to read
6. 8 hours of work put in
7. 25 copies of car club newsletter currently being printed for tomorrow night

I’m still thinking about vacuuming downstairs but I’m going to see if WS will do it for me, even though he, no doubt, has his own to-do list he’s working on. He did help me tremendously with getting ingredients together for the Beef dish, cutting about 20 minutes out of prep time. All in all, I think I’ll still get to bed by 10 pm. Woot!

11/07/2002

MrBaseballTeam just left for work. He’s a city motorcycle cop and we can hear him leave and come home. Today, a fellow motorcycle cop stopped by before work and they both drove off together on each of their bikes in the C.H.I.P.S style (or C.H.I.M.P.S style if you’ve seen that TV commercial featuring JayJay and Mr. Pickles). How cute. Off, no doubt, to terrorize unsuspecting drivers by hiding in bushes somewhere off a major roadway. I’m glad I’m not driving today.

In the Negative column: As much as I love this time of year, I always seem to forget about how dry our heater makes the air. Dried out sinuses are no fun, especially when the mild nosebleeds start. This year, I’m carrying water around in a ultra fine mister bottle. It sure does make my face skin feel good and now I understand why hydrator mists are the rage at cosmetic counters.

In the Positive column: An old roommate of WS may be making an appearance in our area around christmas and says, via email, that he’d like to stop by. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’ve heard this for the last 3 years and never seen a sign of him. It’s very annoying to sit around for days waiting around for someone to show up after they say they will, never hearing a sign, never able to get a hold of them, only to get an email a week or so later saying “Sorry. Couldn’t make it.” We refuse to wait around for this guy ever again. If he shows, he shows. If not, we’ve not changing our regularly scheduled plans.

He says he’s been dating someone for a few years on and off and finally, she’s moved in with him. Her family just moved up here from Georgia and so there’s the real reason he’s visiting. I do get the feeling he’ll be showing up over here this time, if for nothing else, to show off his girlfriend. We, of course, will be shallow and will be showing off what we have built and accomplished since the last time he saw us, when we lived in a falling down rental house in a high crime area and didn’t have a pot to piss in. Of course, we both wish we were in better shape. We’re such blobs.

In the Negative column: Speaking of blobs, MsNoManagementSkills made up for her absence yesterday by having a conniption fit first thing this morning. I can only hope her medication has taken affect by now. I haven’t heard a peep in about an hour

In the Positive column: She takes the day off again tomorrow.

In the Negative column: Car club meeting tonight. We do have the newsletters all printed up in the new format (looks SHARP) but I really don’t want to go. I will though unless I can come up with a fast, fake illness. Reasons I don’t want to go: I’m tired of the politics in the new administration, I’m tired of the new crowd that sits in the very back, talking and cracking jokes the entire meeting, and I don’t want to be re-asked by DrillSargent Dave to be part of the membership committee which I don’t have time to do. I also have sensed a lot of fake affection for each other lately. But we are hosting a board meeting over here in a month so I’ll go, fake affection for these people, gently tell DrillSargent Dave no again, and sit near the front so I can hear what’s going on while snubbing the class clowns in the back. I hate obligations.

Also in the Negative column: In our local news is a story about some guy who slammed his sports car into a school bus yesterday in our area. The same kind of sports car I have. No name has been release yet. I’m really hoping it wasn’t anyone I know. I found it odd that the media seemed to make a big deal out of what kind of car he was driving, like they were suggesting that they are unsafe at any speed. They are very safe…just not if you slide one under the back of a parked school bus at 65 mph without ducking first.

In the Positive column: We’re looking forward to this coming Saturday because we both plan on sleeping, sleeping. sleeping. No going anywhere, although if the topic comes up, I’ll suggest going out to Pottery Barn so I can look at some chair covers. Naturally, that will lead to Smith & Hawkins where WS likes to look for potted paper white bulbs and before you know it, we will have spent the day out and about when we really wanted to spend the day at home. But in the off-chance we will spend the day at home, I’ll bake a chocolate bundt cake to have with some raspberries we bought last weekend and we’ll try to install in-ceiling speakers in the library. Fun.

11/11/2002

What an interesting few days.

In the Negative column: After getting some encouraging words from WS early Friday morning, I contacted a few car club people about getting together for dinner and a later movie over here at our place. Unfortunately, no one replied until very late that night, claiming one excuse after another from my dog broke my computer to my ISP was down. So we went out to dinner on our own and went to bed relatively early. Saturday morning, we received an email from one of the previous night’s invitee asking if we could do dinner and movie that night instead and we obliged. But then, when we asked, we found out we had nothing in the house that they liked to drink, from soda to alcohol. No worries and we were off before dinner to grab their preferences. We do aim to please.

After dinner, we came back over here and chatted a bit but before long, one person completely fell asleep on the couch while another seemed mildly annoyed that our couch was too cushy or something silly. After about an hour, they left. I guess we just can’t win. At least I know I can’t plan impromptu get togethers and so probably won’t in the future.

In the Positive column: We spent all afternoon and early evening Friday cleaning the house from top to bottom. Nearly as clean and perfect as the day we moved in. Saturday only required the moving of the cat box, a good vacuuming, and a wipe down of all surfaces. WS even scrubbed the calcium buildup around the faucets and organized a majorly stuffed bathroom drawer. After the guests left relatively early Saturday night, we had a spotless house to enjoy and it was wonderful to not have to think about cleaning anything for once.

In the Negative column: We talked together briefly about all the stuff we still want to buy for the house but needing to pull in the reins and stop spending money. From how WS sounded, I figured he was looking forward to going out on one last shopping trip Sunday before shutting spending down, but Sunday came and went and we didn’t do anything or go anywhere. He had work to do all day and barely said 5 words to me, making me feel cheated of going out and about and generally pretty grumpy most of the day. On top of that, I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread of having to go back to work Monday morning. I hate that. It’s like you’re mentally at work but not getting paid for it and you can’t get work off your mind.

In the Positive column: Did I mention the house was clean? And I got all the laundry done? All of it!

In the Negative column: It seems that I’m having one of those days where everything electrical I touch stops working right. Nothing but big, fat headaches trying to get my computer, WS’s computer, the phone, the Internet connection, and one of our TVs to work today. Work was an absolute nightmare with network lag time on anything I tried to do lasting from 30 seconds up to 10 minutes. In most cases, I simply had to give up and restart everything. Which did and still does nothing.

WS finally got home from work, was in the house for 2 minutes, just long enough for me to explain what all was going wrong when a car club member called to whine to WS that his email worm had come back. Uh, hello? Did WS tell you to get a virus checker a month ago when you first found this problem? And did you? No? Well, tough titty.

Actually, since nothing was going anywhere here and it’ll probably involve more than just a defrag and reboot of the network to fix whatever the problem is, I told him to go ahead and go over to this guy’s house and help him out if he wanted to. Dinner is on hold but I’ll live.

In the Positive column: WS really likes looking like the knight in shining armor when he can fix people’s computers like this. He positively gets off on the attention, I think.

Last night, I found a web site called Fake Town that has a very simplified version of The Sims. I ended up playing until nearly 2 in the morning. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear to be working right tonight as I haven’t been able to log in for hours. I know they were having lots of DNS problems due to their sudden popularity and traffic which is too bad. I had just gotten the hang of earning fake money, buying fake stuff for my house, and inviting fakers over to sit in the hot tub. Too similar to my recent failure at getting together with acquaintances. But hey, if you can get in and play for a while, you might really like it.

Also last night, or early this morning, we heard some thing getting into the squirrel feeder box but it was way too early to be a squirrel. Neither one of us got up to see what it was because it was around 4 am, but we probably should have. This morning, all the squirrel feed and peanuts were scattered all over the back porch and the feeder box lid was pried open wide. I think we might have a raccoon which would excite me to no end since I’ve never had one at any of my houses before. We refilled the box this morning, but no squirrels came to visit at all today. I wish I had a video camera pointed out there. I would love to see what it might be and we both hope we hear it again tonight.

11/12/2002

In the Negative column: The Baseball Team somehow bought a brand-new Ford Expedition SUV. How this family of 9 can afford this fully loaded SUV on only the salary of a small town cop is beyond me. She doesn’t work, unless you count popping out another kid or two every 14 months, but you still don’t get paid for it. Oh, wait a minute. The government does pay parents for their future taxpayers kids while openly discriminating against those who choose not to breed. Still, what will be next? A hummer? A small plane? Maybe a school bus?

In the Positive column: While WS had to work at his other job today, he’ll be bringing home both the new Star Wars episode 2 and the big Lord of the Rings box set DVDs today and I am very excited about it. I need a good movie that will completely absorb me and make it hard to think of work.

In the Negative column: The Cat from Hell continues to stalk everything in our yard and the killing goes on. The rainy weather doesn’t seem to be a problem for him, much to my dismay. After chasing the Cat from Hell out of the yard for just the first of many times today, WS said in essence, “I’m going to do something about that cat.” to which I replied, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve only heard that for the last 3 years.” Don’t look for anything to chance anytime soon.

In the Positive column: I made sure to make it sound like I was really on top of things at the company conference call. Am I really? Who knows? It’s about 50/50. With morale at an all time low, it’s hard to care one way or the other.

Observations: Jerry Seinfeld is going bald. How many quirky quips does Dr. Phil have floating around in his head? Eminem, while acting all humble and nice before his movie came out, has reverted to his usual asshole self since everyone has gone all ga-ga over it. Surprise? Not here. If you saw a seemingly living, animated ball with a face flying around a store with no visible means of support and no human contact, bouncing off signs and walls and generally creating havoc, wouldn’t you be frightened instead of smiling at it like a moron? Case in point: Wal-Mart commercials. What is this teaching our children? Noah Wyle is looking very old lately. Too thin maybe?

Lawyer update (Thanks for the reminder, you, who know who you are!!): So the lawyer, who we didn’t feel all that comfortable with, told us that until contact is made between my estranged family and myself, and until I deem that contact harassment, there is nothing that can be done. A person cannot legally cut themselves off from their family because there is no legal reason to allow it, accourding to him (memories of children divorcing themselves from their parents came to mind instantly making his statement incorrect in my mind). Unless a person signs something saying they are legally responsible for anything a family member pulls, there is no way that family member can force another member to be responsible for them and their actions.

This was a big relief to WS who worries about the crap his mother has promised to direct at us should she feel the time is right, meaning if she feels WS has a financial responsibility to take care of her in her old age (because she never saved anything, not a single penny, for retirement) or if WS should die before me. Although, we still don’t have wills or a trust for ourselves, the lawyer assured us that unless we had a quarter of a million dollars or had children, there was no reason for a will because we live in a community property state. Should either of us die, everything goes to the other. Should both of us die, we can’t really care at that point (but we do now and THAT is the point).

So, we waiting to see if anything is mailed from my estranged family to a special PO Box we created and then, we’ll take it from there on our own. In the meantime, we’re looking for software that will allow us to create our own wills and have run across a couple of promising ones. I’ll keep you updated on anything that develops with this topic.

11/13/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: Khaki shorts and her favorite purple sweatshirt. No socks yet although they are sitting right over there <---- calling to my chilly toes.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: Pretty good despite knowing I’ve got enough work for 3 people to finish before Friday afternoon and probably because I actually slept well last night.

Q: What is important to B at this exact moment?
A: Thinking positively over the next few days so that I get work things wrapped up before vacation in a couple of weeks. And getting those socks on.

Last night, we watched the new Star Wars episode 2 on DVD and it was excellent. A very, very good transfer from film to DVD and awesome sound. We watched it early and I was ready for bed at 9:30 pm.

A few months ago, I bought some Tylenol pm, thinking that I’d try it some night to see if it would help me sleep during one of my insomnia spells but then forgot all about the box. Last night, although I’ve not had too much trouble sleeping lately, the night before, I slept miserably. Which made me think of the Tylenol pm again. So I took a couple last night and all I can say is Wow. It took a good hour for me to feel drowsy so I spent that time reading, but after an hour, I turned off the lights and was asleep nearly instantly. I didn’t hear WS come to bed, didn’t hear him get up during the night to use the facilities, didn’t hear the first birds chirping at 4 am or the various neighbors rev their cars or SUVs before leaving for work. I barely was aware of WS moving around before he left for work.

While I don’t exactly feel refreshed (I’ve NEVER felt “refreshed” in the morning and don’t believe anyone who enjoys sleeping as much as I do, does) I do feel like I really slept last night. No wonder some people get addicted to sleeping pills.

In the Positive/Negative mixed column: They put up a 75 foot christmas tree at Rockefeller center in NY. Yippee! It’s getting to be that time of year, my favorite! But hey guys, it’s only mid November. Stop pushing the commercialism that is christmas on everyone earlier and earlier every year. I predict that in 100 years, there won’t be a holiday known as Thanksgiving. The only reason why Thanksgiving is still around is because it’s the official kick off to the christmas shopping season and a multiple-day holiday for rich, influential people, which is exactly why WS thinks Thanksgiving will always be around. I refuse to get excited about christmas until the last week in November. I like to celebrate each of the holidays separately.

In the Positive column: WS told me he’s taking me shopping this coming weekend at a huge mall in another state. Yeah, I’m excited.

In the Negative column: We’re never going to pay off the bills this way.

In the Positive column: I’m finally mentally ready to pick up watching my weight again after a 3 month break. Luckily, I only gained back 10 pounds which is the easiest for me to lose. I’ll be working on losing around 15 pounds before christmas this year.

In the Negative column: MsNoManagementSkills claims to want to try to lose weight as well before christmas. She admits to gaining 25 pounds over the summer and will probably gain a few more before starting her diet this coming weekend so she can go on a huge eating binge “to get it out of my system”. I hate it when she does this because she ends up having more conniption fits at work in any given week and she gets this “I AM SUPERIOR and YOU are fat” attitude whenever I have to see her face to face, which will happen mid December when we have to go to company headquarters together. Have patience with me over the coming weeks. I’ll try not to be too negative.

11/14/2002

In the Positive column: Yesterday, I was reading Laura’s journal, In the Pursuit of Perfection and decided to start drinking her lemon water drink – 28-32 oz of water mixed with .5 oz of lemon juice – as a wake up drink. It can’t be bad for a person. In my case I used the juice of a whole lime in 50 oz of water and since I normally drink at least 50 oz (1.5 liters) of water every day anyway, I’ll just add the lime juice to it to see what it’s like. Boy, oh boy, does it make you have to pee. I’m sure it’s a great way to flush your system and I’ll stick with it for a while. Good thing we always seem to have a big batch of limes sitting around here.

In the Negative column: I woke up this morning remembering that there’s a car club board meeting tonight. I thought it was next week but then remembered the date. It’s tonight at a very old couple’s house out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by farms and WS probably won’t be going. So I get to drive out there, hoping to not get too lost, and look like I know what I’m doing in filling in for WS who is the one whom should be going because they are going to be discussing making him a board member 8 months sooner than he should be.

You see, when we joined this car club this past summer, we noticed that both their website and their monthly newsletter looked like something a couple of 10 year olds slapped it together and I’m not talking about a couple of somewhat talented 10 year olds either (DISCLAIMER: I hereby state that I have nothing against any of the art work or creativity done by any 10 year old child or any couple of 10 year old children nor do I mean that the art or creativity previously mentioned is necessarily “child-like or immature” in nature.)…but both that site and that newsletter just looked bad. The woman who was putting this stuff together supposedly used to work in the newspaper business, something we seriously questioned until we found out she was a janitor or something in a building that published a newspaper which explains the crappy newsletter. As for the web site, it turns out her son who’s going to college back east for animal husbandry slaps that together and again, it looked bad.

When some of the car club members saw our web site (since taken done due to my family stalking me), they approached us about taking over both the web site and newsletter but they had to find a polite way to tell this woman that her services were no longer needed. We weren’t exactly comfortable with this but figured they would handle things appropriately.

Well, the woman didn’t want to give up the web site so it still sucks but she did give up the newsletter gladly, saying it was too much work for her. WS took over the newsletter and this month, released a completely different format, looking all formal, business-like but not either snooty or child-like. Out of the 48 club members, there were only 2 complaints from 2 members – one was just a user stupidity error and he admitted that he was drunk when trying to read it and the other complaint was the woman who used to do the newsletter and she doesn’t like anything that she doesn’t do so she ripped it apart from cover to back. Whatever. WS got tons of positive feedback on it and the new newsletter format is staying.

Last month, the by-laws were changed and now, the newsletter editor position is a board member position. Club laws state that anyone voted in as a board member has to be a club member for a minimum of 1 year. We’ve been around for only 4 months but the rest of the board members, except the web site woman (who by the way, is the new club president’s wife) wants to vote WS in as a board member at the next general meeting next week.

Here’s the dilemma: WS isn’t comfortable with anyone making any special exceptions for him for anything and I tend to agree. Too often, these kinds of things come back to bite us in the ass so just remember, you read it here first. But at the same time, WS is very proud of the direction he has taken the club newsletter and the thought of it going back to it’s former child-like format is enough to be somewhat comfortable with whatever decision the board members take. I predict lots of head-butting in the future over this and I can see where someday, we’ll be counting the days before we leave this car club.

In the Positive column (after all that): My day is nearly half over for work. Today is going to be nonstop but I’ve got a good attitude, already getting some chores around here done like laundry, cleaning the kitchen, started up my car, and had a good conversation with WS before he left for work. After work ends around 5 tonight, I’ll shower and get my butt out to that board meeting out in the boonies, then back home to work a bit more with WS on some idiotic project MsNoManagementSkills wants completed by tomorrow, then to bed. Tomorrow should be a whole lot more relaxed but then again, it’ll be Friday and MsNoManagementSkills always has a conniption fit on Fridays…

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for sticking with me.

11/18/2002

In the Negative column: Work has tripled for me in the last few days and no, I’m not at all happy about it. A project that MsNoManagementSkills invented out of thin air with little to no instruction on how to accomplish it was due last Friday. I completed it without much hair pulling only to find out after I turned it in that it’s an ongoing project that is due EVERY Friday. AND after sending it in using an organized and neat format, she insists that I use her poorly formatted form which is confusing and looks like something you would see from a 2nd grade class. WTF?!! Makes absolutely no sense whatsoever because the same information will only be repeated every single week with little to no change and reading it using her form makes the work look shoddy and haphazard. I suspect this is just one of the new ways MsNoManagementSkills is trying to make sure we are indeed working at our computers all 50+ hours each week with no breaks. Morale is in the toilet around here yet she can’t see it because she’s heavily medicated now…or stupid. Probably a combination of both.

Meanwhile, her husband, FatHead, has created about 2 weeks worth of work for both me and WS in the form of newly created documents which need to be published online for both customer inquiries and internal company use. He’s been sitting on this work for 2 months. Last Friday, WS reminded FatHead that our vacation was coming up. In retaliation, FatHead apparently worked all last Saturday creating the workload that WS and I received yesterday with instructions that it all had to be published before we left for vacation AND to expect more when we returned. Since FatHead and MsNoManagementSkills are known for this kind of mental torture, in their minds, this assures that whomever is going on vacation doesn’t completely enjoy that vacation because there’s a mountain of work looming over their heads when they return. So typical. So childish. Again, morale is in a scum and crap-encrusted toilet. Do you blame anyone?

In the Positive column: Vacation starts late Friday afternoon for us if we work around 13 hour days. Make that 19 hour days for WS since he has 2 full time jobs.

In the really Positive column: We still have our jobs. It’s important for us to remember this.

In the Negative column: Last week, when we were still recovering from the flu or maybe we were just too tired to pay any attention, we agreed to go over to DrillSargent Dave’s house last Saturday to be part of the planning committee for a couple of huge car shows that the club will be sponsoring next spring and summer. Unfortunately, that was the same day that WS said he would take me shopping. So what was the decision? Car club stuff or shopping? Well, after WS told me just Friday we would be going to DrillSargent Dave’s, he told me Saturday (after he finally got up around noon) that we would be going shopping instead. Because I had prepared for the meeting and not shopping, I was unprepared and confused and had to go get ready for shopping instead. Not a big deal really, but I hate it when WS sends out mixed and confusing messages like that.

So, I had to call DrillSargent Dave and tell him that we wouldn’t be showing up over there, coming up with some lame excuse. In return, I get an email later asking me to design some flyers for those shows. Like I have any time because of my job workload which looks to not let up until well after the start of the year. So now, I have to figure out how to either find the time, or beg off this new project. Oh, the stress of life right now…

In the Positive column: We did end up going shopping. WS bought himself 3 pairs of pants, a couple of shirts, and socks, all of which he desperately needed. I bought a shirt but…

In the Negative column: …the saleslady forgot to ring up my shirt. In addition, she didn’t take the ink-filled security tags off WS’s pants so we had to drive back to the store Sunday when WS was supposed to be working and go through all the hassle of that store’s employees figuring out that we were not trying to get away with anything illegal just to get those stupid tags off without the ink squirting out everywhere.

In the Positive column: For this trouble, the store gave WS a $5.00 gift certificate. Not enough for his time really, but I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth at this point. We used it right away to apply to the purchase of 2 shirts and a new purse for me.

In the Negative column: In all actuality, I didn’t see or purchase anything I really needed. I felt like Cameron in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” “I haven’t seen anything good today.” I think I was just in a bad mood for being confused by WS and his changing of his mind so quickly Saturday.

Sunday night, my bad mood came to a head with an argument with WS over his new habit of constant complaining. Yes, he’s got a lot to complain about lately but hearing it constantly gets very old. He’s also got the bad habit of turning the argument around and not owning up to my complaints about his habits. When I told him I was tired of listening to him complain, he comes back with “You complain too much too!”. When I said he wasn’t pulling his weight around the house, he comes back with “You don’t do everything either!” and so on. It’s like arguing with a 5 year old and it can damage a relationship. I’ve brought it up before in previous arguments but he doesn’t see it. The end result is that I’m being very cool toward him. This morning, before leaving for work, he said he was sorry but included that he thought we were both not happy with the way things were going right now. Actually I AM happy with the way things are going right now. It’s him who appears to be so unhappy with his constant complaining. Obviously, he still just doesn’t get it. This issue isn’t over yet.

So, this week’s going to be Hell. I plan on working my ass off and during the non-work times, I’ll be working on myself, for myself, by getting in some rowing on the machine and getting ready for holiday decorating which means lots of furniture re-arranging. I don’t plan on asking for any help from WS because, frankly, I don’t need it nor do I need to listen to his bitching and moaning both during his help or afterward, and he always brings it up afterward.

Thanks for your reading.

11/20/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: Black Docker shorts and a worn brown sweatshirt. No socks. Pretty much same as usual.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: Content but a bit anxious. We’ve both been working hard to get the house in shape, clean and stocked-wise for the upcoming holidays, but I’ve got a mountain of work to get done before Friday afternoon.

Q: What is important to B at this exact moment?
A: Taking advantage of the nice weather outside to start getting holiday lights strung.

In the Positive column: I’ve decided to go on the Atkins’ Diet. I’ve been thinking about this for nearly a year, bought a few books on it, researched it and found that it really sounds like a good fit. I already consume a lot of protein daily because I work out with heavy weights and like to build muscle. This week’s announcement in the news saying that Atkins’ is really pretty good and all those people who yak on and on about high cholesterol and people dropping from heart disease left and right don’t know what they are talking about. I was really glad to read that my lime juice water that I’ve been drinking for 7 days now is okay to continue with. I’ve really come to enjoy it.

In the Negative column: Remember all that work I complained about having to do before the end of the week and before going on vacation? Well, it’s not going to be any easier after today. Yesterday, our company system was down most of the day. No work could be done. So where was I and why wasn’t I posting here? I spent 3 hours grocery shopping, 4 hours watching The Lord of the Rings (nice!), and a few hours untangling holiday lights. Sorry.

In the Positive column: To keep myself on track, I’ve finally started using the Task calendar in Outlook so I won’t forget anything. Long ago, I used to use a day planner and found that I work well when I create a daily task list. After I started working my current job, all extra time, creativity, and basically, the will to live was sucked out of me and I finally put the day planner away, unable to maintain it. Outlook’s task list just might work for me in the same way my old day planner used to, mostly because it’s here, in my face, at my computer where I spend a good 10-12 hours a day.

Because this week’s weather is on the warm side and dry as a bone, I’m working on getting holiday lights strung in our backyard. Why the backyard, you might ask? Well, we live on a hill. Our neighbor’s behind us, Taliban Dan & the Smokin’ Clan doesn’t have a backyard fence, leaving our backyard and his open to other neighbor’s view. Because of our location on the hill, our backyard is as open to the view as our front yard, so we routinely string small, white lights out there.

This year, with the addition of the fountain/pond this past summer and all the landscaping, the lights should look downright magical. I’ve already lit the big weeping blue cedar and hope to get another 8-10 trees strung today. We won’t be officially flipping the switch on the lights until December 1st. I HATE waiting until the last minute to get lights up because it usually only leads to arguments, bad things said to each other, and nothing getting strung. Since the weather is nice, I’d rather work on this now, than wait until it’s rainy, cold, and windy next week.

Early this morning, it was very foggy outside. I got up around 3 am to use the bathroom and looked outside down at the fountain. A tail-less pure white cat was down there, drinking out of one of the pools, then hopped and jumped around the entire fountain before scampering off over the rock wall. Very cool. It was like we had a ghost cat. It makes me wish I had a video camera set up out there to see who all comes to visit us in the middle of the night. I told WS and he just looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well. My secret, I guess.

I’ve got in 2 days of rowing now. Unfortunately, I have no endurance whatsoever so my rowing sessions consist of 2 minutes of hard rowing followed by another similar session an hour later. This will get considerably better. Considering the most active thing I do now is type for hours a day, this is to be expected. Still, between this exercise and eating good, I should be feeling pretty superior next month when I have to see MsNoManagementSkills, who has yet to start that diet she was all excited about last week. Typical.

11/21/2002

In the Negative column: Nothing yet in the mail from that family member who is stalking me. Last week, I found out that the P.O. Box returned a letter from them because they spelled my name wrong. Because I didn’t think they would do this, I didn’t have my new P.O. Box set up to accept misspelled last names. I’ve since corrected this but don’t know if they will try again and I’m certainly not going to contact them to let them know. Will this ever stop?

In the Mixed column: If you put any money in the stock market, put it all in low-end retail stores such as Wal-Mart and Target. Accourding to national statistics, more women and men are staying at home after the birth of their children instead of returning to work ever citing both personal and financial reasons. Most of them claim that they prefer children over financial success. This equates to more people looking for bargains and low prices. While this is good news for stores like Wal-Mart and Target, this is bad news for those people who prefer to shop and spend money at high-end, gourmet item stores because a lot of those high-end stores won’t be able to survive. The money-hungry 80′s and 90′s are coming rapidly to an end. Is this a complaint from me? Not at all! I enjoy finding high-end gourmet shops that are left uncluttered with families dragging along screaming and unruly children looking for a “bargain” that they aren’t going to find there anyway.

In the Positive column: I worked my ass off yesterday and accomplished more than half of the items on my to-do list, including most of the work I have to do for my job before Friday afternoon. wOOT! I also worked in the backyard before dark and got half of the lighting strung for the holidays. Unfortunately, I ran out of outdoor pigtail extension cords so I’ll have to make a trip to the store before I can finish the yard. No rush though. The weather should hold throughout the weekend.

In the Negative column: Since when did the daughter of Mr & Ms SportOrNothing become such a bitch? She used to be the nicest person on the planet but over the last few months, I’ve witnessed a few nasty temper tantrums and yesterday, while I was working on the holiday lights, I heard her loudly yell out to her twin brother “Good grief! They’re putting up Christmas lights already! How stupid!” (and no, while the lights are going up, they are not to be turned on until December 1st.) WS commented that maybe she finally had a period and I’ll be the first to say that kind of talk pisses me off to no end, but in this case, it just might be the truth. In an unfortunate moment last year, Ms SportsOrNothing shared with me that menstrual cycles come late in life in her family and she herself didn’t have one before she became pregnant. Too much Information!

In the Positive column: Atkins is going well. 6 pounds of mostly water lost since last Friday. The first real test will be tonight when I have to squeeze into pants for a car club general meeting. I’m not worried but I am concerned about how fast the protein is going in this house. I’ve got lots of cheese left but since I’m officially allergic to dairy (and NOT in a lactose kind of way), I can only eat it for a couple of days before my asthma kicks in. Then I have to lay off the cheese and dairy for a few days. All in all, this is going much easier than I thought it would. I rarely feel hungry and am surprised to see weight coming off.

In the Negative column: Don’t you just love it when you get email from someone you don’t know calling you a myriad of names and bitching about everything you might be bitching about in your own journal? I don’t, for the most part. But when I get email saying that I’m just another rich American bitch and I’m going to die like all the rest of the American “pig-dogs”, I have to wonder. Thanks to the new Homeland Security law that just passed, I know that emails like this stand a good chance of being read by F.B. I. personnel and could be seen as a terrorist threat. Congratulations, dude. Maybe you’re finally gonna get the attention you are looking for.

In the Positive column: Only 1 day and 3 more hours until vacation. Who-die-Ha!

11/22/2002

Imagine growing up, never being told where you are from, what your relatives’ names are, or what ethnic background you are? Well, that’s my estranged family for you. Now that most of them are dead, it’s isn’t any easier finding out who a person really is so mostly, I don’t bother.

However, last week, when I had to talk to that long-lost brother, I had him read me the obituary of my last grandfather that died at the end of October. It read that he was a 32nd degree mason (?) and a member of the Scottish clan of some town. Scottish?? Since when? That’s the first time I ever heard of possibly being Scottish. The only thing I could ever get out of this guy was that his family was “pure English” and “uncorrupted” as he put it. Obviously, a bit full of himself and now, possibly a liar as well. Figures. I can attest that his son was probably the biggest liar this side of the Mississippi and the woman he married wasn’t much better.

No, I won’t be investigating this further. The thought of looking into any more family issues just turns my stomach.

In the Positive column: Only 6 hours until vacation. Glorious vacation. Okay, it’s only a week and undoubtedly a week full of holiday decorating work, but maybe I’ll be able to sleep late for once. I know WS will. Every vacation he’s ever taken, he rapidly gets into the habit of staying up until 3 or 4 am, then sleeping the next day until noon or later. Personally, I think this is a complete waste of days, but it’s his vacation too. He can do what he wants. But I swear, if I have to listen just once to his complaining about how fast the days flew by or how he feels like he wasted his vacation….

In the Negative column: I don’t want to do any work today but it seems that everyone is conspiring to pile the work up. Please, time, please go fast!

11/27/2002

In the Positive column: Both WS and I are on vacation. No work. From all our jobs. wOOT!

In the Negative column: Over the weekend, I strained my lower back, probably while putting up holiday lights. And I still have the entire front yard to do. Advil has been my trusty friend every 4 to 6 hours since Saturday evening.

In the Positive column: We’ve done enough shopping and sight-seeing around town to make me want to do nothing but stay home for a solid month. We’ve found house decorating stuff we were looking for when we have the car club meeting over here next month, the new year’s eve after dinner party here, and even possibly the holiday neighborhood progressive dinner party thing (haven’t decided for certain on that one yet). Between our shopping and the things that have finally been delivered from our online shopping over the last couple of weeks, all that is left for the christmas season is to finish the lights outside, decorate inside, and go grocery shopping. We are making serious progress here. Even WS has admitted that this year, he’s having fun!

In the Negative column: I’ve gone 4 days without my lime juice water, haven’t drunk enough water during those 4 days to keep a seedling alive, and have eaten lots of carbohydrates. The only thing that has saved me from instantly gaining every pound back is that within a few hours of eating carbs, I have to use the bathroom badly! It seems everything is uh….flowing smoothly. But I’ve been keeping up with things over on MsNoManagementSkills Online Journal and she has already given up on her diet and support group, selfishly saying she wants all the support from everyone else but doesn’t want to support anyone else. Sounds just like working with her, doesn’t it? Gimme, gimme, gimme and fuck you in return.

In the Positive column: Tomorrow, we’re staying home all day and night. It’s back to 50 ounces a day of lime juice water and lots of protein for me. Thursday, I’ve already planned to eat carbs with my big meal. Since it’s just WS and I (we don’t have anyone else to share Thanksgiving with and are quite used to it this way by now, thankyouverymuch!), we’re having a big turkey breast, herb cubed red potatoes, yams, whole berry cranberry sauce, and fresh broccoli for Thanksgiving dinner. This will use up all the rest of the carbohydrate ingredients in the house, leaving me with nothing much else but protein throughout the rest of the weekend and into early next week. Oh yes, I will look good for next month. I swear I will.

Tomorrow, we’re also planning on finishing up the outdoor lighting, getting the christmas trees out, all 3 of them, and starting to tackle the indoor decorating. We’ve got some furniture to move around (I think I’ll leave that part for WS) and lots of stuff to rearrange. Thursday will be spent between cooking, going through our own personal holiday traditions which consist of watching just the very end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade to judge if the Santa looks like the REAL Santa or like a pathetic fake Santa (a real looking Santa nearly always guarantees a great holiday season, while a fake looking Santa nearly always brings a long, boring, usually uneventful season – It’s kind of like the whole Groundhog’s Day thing), followed immediately by either A Christmas Carol with Alistair Sim or It’s A Wonderful Life. Don’t ask me how this tradition got started but it just works for us. Then I’ll start to tackle lighting the christmas trees. After this, it’ll probably be early Friday morning. I hate putting on the lights but that’s just because I love our trees to have enough lights on them to illuminate a small third-world country. The whole mess should be finished by the end of the weekend and the end of our vacation and hopefully, we will have remembered to sit back and relax, if only for a couple of minutes, and enjoy some of this time off.

But if not, we’ll get another chance to do it next month. We both finally got approval to get the time off between Christmas and New Year’s eve! Just in time to relax. Or not.

11/27/2002

In the Positive column: I know I said I was on vacation but I can’t stay away from you people! Or something like that. We got tons of work done today despite sleeping until 10:30 am. I didn’t get to sleep until well after 3 this morning because someone was snoring loudly. So I felt justified in having the TV volume turned up louder than usual. That someone slept right through it. All holiday lighting outside finished. All of it. Yippee!

In the Negative column: Remind me not to check on work during my next vacation. Bosses left and right are trying to send me work, even as I type this. And yes, they all know I’m on vacation. The wording in their emails sounds incredibly flakey and insincere and they all want an answer NOW and the work turned in before the end of the week. Uh, hello? I’m on frickin’ vacation here! And you know who is the worst offender. Didn’t I tell you this person always tries to derail vacations for other people and usually succeeds?

In the Positive column: Drank my entire 50 ounce bottle of lime juice water today. Yes, I ate carbohydrates too but also did a ton of physical labor. Atkin’s comes back in full force Friday and I’m looking forward to it again.

While we are doing so much physical work around the house during vacation, we are making sure we take time to relax and celebrate our time off work. The days are starting to whiz by and before we know it, it will be back to the daily grind. We still have so much decorating and furniture rearranging to do but again, we’re trying to sit and do nothing, if for only a few minutes throughout the days. We’re spending the evenings watching TV, playing games, or reading but I’m getting the feeling that WS is unhappy, probably over the amount of decorating work we’re hoping to get through before Monday. Somehow, it just doesn’t feel like I’m on vacation until a day or 2 before I go back to work, and then only for an hour or so before that feeling of dread and depression over going back to work begins. I am so odd this way. Never really relaxing. Never really enjoying time off. This must be what being a type A personality is all about.

Have a happy Thanksgiving and a happy, first-official-day-of-holiday-shopping day afterward!

December 2002

12/02/2002

Happy back to work day!

In the Positive column: Work isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve already fallen back into the routine. No one is more shocked than me. The added bonus is that in just 2 and a half weeks, we both take another vacation until after the first of the year. Yeah, life is rough right now.

In the Negative column: I worked both of our asses off during this vacation. No, that certainly wasn’t what I intended to do, but looking for WS for some guidance for something to do everyday quickly turned into “If you want something to do, you could sit over there and watch me download music from the Internet for the next 16 hours…” Oh yeah, too much fun there for words. So we decorated to the hilt all but 2 rooms in our house for the holidays. December is going to be a BUSY, BUSY, BUSY month for us and we just don’t have the luxury of time to take our time at this. The final December activity count stands at 1 party here at our house (with stuffy, snotty, quasi-rich people who will probably not appreciate all this decorating anyway), 1 car club meeting and dinner (also with stuffy, snotty, quasi-rich people), 1 3-day trip out of town a week before christmas, 1 big holiday neighborhood “show-off-your-house” party the day after we get back from the out of town trip, and an after dinner New Year’s Eve party. We’ve never been this social in our lives and I’d be willing to bet we won’t be ever again either. WS hates this kind of stuff but strangely, he’s the one who set up everything but the out of town trip. And because he doesn’t like my idea of asking a neighbor to watch our pets while we’re out of town, he’s now responsible for finding a pet sitter. How much do you want to bet he’ll forget all about it until way too late. He’s also supposed to find us a ride to and from the airport. We’ll see.

In the Positive column: Most of the decorating is done. Today, in between work sessions, I’ll start working on decorating the library and maybe even drag out the tree for that room so WS doesn’t have to do it tonight. My thinking is that if I make it look like things are under control and there isn’t much more for WS to do over the course of December, he won’t become the horrible attitude laden, stick-in-the-mud that he generally does become too early in the month. As long as I can get him to help take decorations down after the first of January, I don’t mind doing nearly everything beforehand.

In the Negative column: I do feel bad for making him work so much while we were on vacation. We spent the first 3 days driving all over and shopping until we dropped. Then we spent 2 days not doing anything. This was the period of time that WS’s idea of fun was downloading music and checking in on work email. He had promised me before vacation that we were going to go out to eat at several restaurants that we had either always wanted to go to or that we haven’t been to in a long, long time. We ended up going to 1 restaurant only and that was for our anniversary. 3 days we didn’t even eat dinner and only munched on stuff for lunch. I got tired of waiting for him to take charge and say we’re going out so I would just forage around for something to snack on before bed. I don’t even think he remembers saying we’d go out to eat. To prevent myself from being bitchy and ragging on about his promise, I covered up my emotions by working us practically to death.

In the Positive column: The day after Thanksgiving, one of the most popular shopping days, we participated in a No Shopping movement. It was easy. We had already shopped earlier in the week mostly because we despise shopping at all anytime after Thanksgiving. Who needs all those crowds, all the attitude, or all the traffic?

A bit late, but a short list of things I am thankful for:

- I don’t have to be something I’m not to anyone else in my entire life but my boss.
- I don’t have to rely on a soup kitchen or charity for food anymore.
- I’m in a great 15-year relationship that continues to grow strong despite everyone saying it wouldn’t last a month.
- We’re both reasonably healthy for people who both have diseased bodies.
- We both have jobs, a nice roof over our heads, and some retirement savings.
- I have this place where I can vent, rant, complain, and share my thoughts with anyone who wants to slog through the postings. If I didn’t have you reading this, I wouldn’t feel as good about things as I do and I’d feel like I didn’t have an outlet, an anchor, to help keep a grip on things. I am thankful for this place and for you.

Back to work and back to decorating!

12/03/2002

Okay, now that you’ve read yesterday’s post about what we did over our Thanksgiving vacation, here’s a short version of what really happened:

- We photographed a large racoon raiding our squirrel feeder box one night outside our back glass door. He was obviously very people oriented.
- We nursed our pets through a cold they picked up somehow (they don’t go outside ever!).
- WS installed in-wall speakers.
- WS bought me a bottle of 30 year old port and late one night, we walked around the neighborhood with glasses of wine and port, taking in all the holiday lights going up.
- I didn’t stick with Atkin’s over vacation but have since yesterday.
- We saw the space station fly overhead.
- We deemed the Santa in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade okay. Not, The Santa, but an acceptable one.
- I finally received a letter from an uncle about the death of my grandfather. In it was a obiturary notice and a list of 20 questions to verify that I am me. I haven’t personally touched the letter with my fingers (and I won’t either) nor have I answered it yet. More on this coming up this week.
- WS and I were not intimate with each other over the vacation. Big surprise there.

12/04/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: I am stylishly dressed today in the rattiest, ripped up olive green shorts on the planet, a sleeveless, black tank top, and new black socks. Stunningly ugly really.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: While part of my brain says “BAM! We need to kick this up a notch!” referring to getting the rest of the house decorations finished, my stomach is saying “Prepare for bathroom visits today. Lots of bathroom visits.” Apparently, I ate something yesterday that didn’t agree with me, but strangely, I’m okay with this.

Q: What is important to B at this exact moment?
A: Making sure I get work over with early today while still getting the final tree up and decorated in the library.

In the Positive column: I bought some clothes to wear for the holiday parties we’re throwing this month. Not that I would have attended naked. But I just don’t buy clothes often. I have a weird shaped body that doesn’t fit into most women’s styled clothing. I have a short, fat waist, slim hips and thighs, broad shoulders, thick, long arms, and sizable chest. Depending on the manufacturer and store, I wear anything from a size 12 to a size 22x and a medium to XXL. It’s not like I can order clothing out of a catalog or online anywhere. Most women’s clothing is geared toward small frames, small waists, large butts and thighs, narrow shoulders and short, thin arms. Unless I shop in the Large Women’s departments. In that case, all the clothes are designed for women who have huge breasts, huge arms, huge backs, huge waists, and are generally short. In fact, I have found that I fit better in some men’s clothing than women’s so I tend to stick to Levi 501 jeans and XXL sweatshirts (but only the ones with lower side slits and no bottom elastic hem band – ugh!). Because I have found women’s socks last less than a week around here because they are either made of thin material or are all inferiorly made, I buy men’s socks, usually in bagged 6-packs, in both white and black. So you can imagine my excitement when I was able to find and fit into a nice wool jacket, sparkly turtleneck sweater, and, lo and behold, a mid-calf length skirt. I also found a deep burgundy velour shirt/jacket that looks great over my jeans and a sleeveless tank top. Sure the wool jacket and skirt is a size 18, the turtleneck is a women’s medium, and the velour jacket is a 2x but they all fit. I might actually look “stylish” this month! And in the back of my mind, I’m screaming “YOU NEED ANOTHER PAIR OR TWO OF LEVI’S!!” and more socks…

In the Negative column: Ha! There isn’t anything negative today. I just refuse. Mark your calendars.

In the Positive column: WS actually remembered about the pet sitter service AND finding transportation to the airport for our business trip in 2 weeks. He’s got initial information on both of them and promises to get the details soon. I just may be off the hook for having to deal with this. If so, this would be better than any christmas present I could ever get.

Speaking of christmas or holiday gifts, we don’t do them. Never have, never will. The holidays to us means decorating wherever we live and sharing the beauty of this with others. This all started when WS and I first met and we were poorer than most homeless people. He owed money to everyone and had been evicted more than once. I had just lost every possession I owned, for the 2nd time, to a roommate/stalker who claimed that I was supposed to marry him (AND put up with the abuse). We didn’t have family to fall back on, friends were non-existent, and the homeless shelters in that city were overcrowded and famously known for their rampant crime rates. Quite literally, WS and I didn’t have the proverbial pot to piss in, or to give to one another as a holiday gift. Now, 15 years later, we’ve pulled ourselves up by our boot and bra straps pretty well, but we keep ourselves grounded by not giving each other presents, in respect for all those years when just finding something to eat other than a bag of cat food was a daily struggle and adventure. I’m not saying it’s right or good or a noble thing for anyone else to do. It just works for us.

The problem, and perhaps this is the negative part, is explaining all of this to other people who, god help them, think they want to give us a holiday gift, not that it happens often because it doesn’t. Actually, we just hate the obligations we feel whenever someone does something for us. If we don’t do or give something back, we’re assholes. If we do give or do something back, it ALWAYS opens the door to those people to continue giving just to get something back and IT NEVER ENDS! We’re constantly having to maintain some sort of relationship of giving or doing, usually on that person or people’s timeline, not ours, and it always ends badly anyway. This is the exact scenario of Ms. Nordstrom, Mr. ThrowMeAParty, the BirthdayBoy, and nameless others, all ex-friends of ours who we had to cut out of our lives. They all, every single one of them, expected gifts, constantly, and expensive gifts at that. I’m sure it’s our fault. We’re probably just people who naturally attract these kinds of people. We tried being nice and it didn’t work. But now, we just explain it up front. We don’t do gifts, either to ourselves or to anyone else. So don’t go there. And we always have to be firm because no one tends to believe us. We usually let them all know we are assholes too, but for some reason, they all seem to have to find this out for themselves. Maybe they think no one could be this honest?

Okay, back to a lighter note. only 6 hours of work to go. The laundry is almost done and I’m starting to feel motivated to dig that library tree out and get to work! Tonight, I’ll be diving into answering that letter from my uncle and I’ll post all the details tomorrow.

12/05/2002

In the Negative column: The letter.

To recap, I purposely am very estranged from my family most of whom consist of felons, both serving time and escaped, drug dealers and heavy users, burglars, liars, cheats, and money-hungry whores. And these are the polite things I can talk about. One is suspected of playing a part in my mother’s death years ago, not that any of the rest of us cared too much. My mother was one of the worst in the bunch, allowing pain and suffering to others to go on for years without caring.

A few weeks ago, a long-lost and not-so-bad brother, whom I have talked to maybe 4 times in the last 13 years and is the only one who knows that I live thousands of miles away, recently called me. Foolishly, I answered the phone, being as it was 8 am on a Saturday morning and I was truly half-asleep. He told me that a family member had died and other members were looking for me. In fact, a couple of the worst offenders vowed to find me no matter what. At that, I started looking over my shoulder everywhere I was, including in the privacy of my own home, as I used to do back when I first secretly moved across the country away from them all in fear of being found and have my life turned upside down and made very miserable.

After a 2nd call from my brother, WS opened a special PO Box and gave the address to my brother to give to an uncle, the leader of the bunch looking for me. In the meantime, we contacted a lawyer to ask what my options were (nothing, unless I “deem” additional contact true harassment). A first attempt to get a letter to me failed because we hadn’t specified acceptance of misspelled last names. We corrected that and a week later, the letter came back. WS picked it up at the PO Box, but I refuse to touch it with my fingerprints. Last week just before vacation and donning gloves, I opened the letter, scanned it briefly and placed it in a double layer, heavy plastic bag so I could still read it, the obituary notice it included and the envelope itself. Again, I will not touch this thing with my bare hands…ever. I will not get my fingerprints on this so as to have my physical evidence on it and before you think I’m being paranoid, well, actually, you probably all think that anyway, let me remind you that you don’t know my family and the crap they have pulled off over the years. And gotten away with. Yes, it’s that serious.

The letter explains the reason for the obituary notice, how this uncle is the personal rep for my late grandfather’s will and how all of our names are in it, and how he needs to get in touch with me to send me papers. But first, he needs to verify who I am. Thusly, there is a long list of obscure and tricky questions that supposedly I and only I know the answers to. (Now, who’s being paranoid?) The problem here is that I can only answer a few of the questions. Be it lack of memory, Alzheimer’s stage one, or years of being abused and screamed at to forget everything I know about this deceased person, I don’t know. He ends with hoping to hear from me shortly.

Well, I wasn’t about to let this ruin our hard-earned vacation so I ignored it, for the most part, all last week. Last night, I worked on a reply to send back. In the child portion of my mind, I want to lash out and be very, very nasty to this person, my uncle, letting him know that my grandfather, his father knew and was responsible for creating the monster that was my father. That he had to know that my father raped, sodomized, and beat me repeated when I was 4 years old, who was finally caught in the act by my mother and maternal grandmother, and had shipped me off to another relative’s household for a year while he worked on re-establishing the relationship with my mother, and worked on creating another child. My grandfather called my mother bad names in front of me and told me to never forget what my mother was (a foreign country racial slur), tried to teach me to hate other races of peoples, and countless other things that I find hard to believe that this uncle doesn’t know about himself. I want to scream out in my return letter that yes, I’m who you’re hunting for and if I’m in any will, I want everything that may be coming to me and even more, in payment for all I endured and for my stolen childhood. I want to be angry. Very angry and I want him to hurt just as bad. For the rest of his sorry-ass life.

But this would all be counterproductive, wouldn’t it? The adult part of my mind tells me to be civil, to let the past go because just as there was nothing that could be done back then, there is nothing that can be done now short of spending my life’s savings with therapy. Or I could type it all out here. So I do. Lucky you, I guess.

So yes, I’ll be civil. No, I won’t lash out. Yes, I’ll answer as many questions as I can but I’ll also request that my whereabouts remain a secret to other family members. Do I think he will comply with this simple request? No, but I’m not going to dwell on that now. All I can do is know that if anyone really wanted to find anyone, they can and all I can do is be prepared should that happen. Oh, and not tell a single soul I currently know in my life here what’s going on, in fear of someone getting any thoughts in their heads of “helping” to get my family together again for a happy reunion. This definitely wouldn’t be one of those Dr. Phil or Maury happy-family get togethers.

For the time being, I’m not going to correct his misspelling of my name. No need to give him any information I don’t have to at this point. I hope to mail out my reply letter tomorrow. I’ll be mailing it from another state and after this, knowing that I will get a reply, any other correspondence from me will be mailed through a re-mailing service. Maybe out of Anchorage or Boston? More details to come as I get them.

Thanks again for the reading. You don’t know how much I appreciate having this outlet at a time like this.

12/08/2002

In the Positive column: I have kicked some major ass over the last 2 days in getting things done around here.

• Mailed the letter
• Finished all the christmas trees decorating
• Finished all the holiday house decorating except the final buffet table
• Put in 10 hours of work on the job every day this week
• Washed my car and tucked it away for the winter
• Attended the last car club meeting for the year
• Got my shopping list together, for both food and other stuff, for the upcoming parties
• Confirmed attendance for party Thursday night, next Saturday night, a week from next Saturday night, and New Year’s Eve
• Forced WS to sleep late at least one day this week
• Made hair cut appointments for today
• Got information on pet sitting service and car for airport pickup
• Helped get all but one pet over their colds

In the Negative column: Last night was just crazy with me running around with extra energy, trying to get things wrapped up. As a result, I didn’t get to bed until just after 1 am this morning. Unfortunately, I woke up around 4 am and could get back to sleep. Too much stuff on my mind. I keep remembering things I need to get for the holiday parties but I never seem to get those remembered things written down, making me dwell on what it was that I remembered hours or days later. We don’t have lamps by our bed so I’d have to get up, go into the bathroom, find something to write on and with to jot anything down. The end result is that my usual holiday insomnia has returned, due largely in part because I’m constantly going over the multiple “lists” of stuff in my head that need to get done. Even my bucky didn’t help. Oh well, maybe I can sleep when I’m getting my hair cut?

In the Positive column: Today, we’ll be running all over town picking up those last non-food items we need. A big tablecloth, potting soil for paper white bulbs and for something that desperately needs repotting, a broom for the kitchen, …um, see? I’ve already forgotten over half the list…oh, black rubber shelf liner that matches the other stuff, maybe a chafing dish at a thrift shop? Yeah, like I can get WS to step foot in a thrift shop.

For food items, we need to hit our local specialty bakery for french bread, bread sticks, biscotti, and some kind of small rolls. At the grocery store, we need a couple more boxes of crackers, paper towels, lots of toilet paper, apples, tangerines, bottled water, apple and cranberry juice, an orange juice squeezer thing, and some odds and ends. Next Wednesday, I’m off work and will be hitting the specialty grocery stores for special and unusual food items for Thursday and Saturday night’s parties – meats and cheeses, leaf lettuce and kale for display, a veggie tray, a fruit tray, pomegranates, artichokes, salmon spread and stuff for WS’s cheese spread, and finally, some hugely decedent chocolate cake. One of those kinds with edible chocolate things decorating the top and that looks like it’s straight out of a gourmet magazine. We found one of these last year and even though it only cost $24, people at last year’s neighborhood party all went ape-shit over the thing. While I do like some chocolate, this kind of cake is too chocolate-y sweet for me to eat without feeling sick so I don’t have to worry about eating any of it myself and I love the reaction it gets out of people. You’d think no one ever saw a fancy cake before around these parts (yet everyone claims to be so worldly…).

News from the Cast of Characters: Ms SportsOrNothing indulged to me Thursday, while they were finally putting up holiday lights, that her son, the athletic one who’s teat the family in convinced they will all be sucking from within 5 years, has been driving his car irresponsibly all over town and in fact, he won’t even tell his parents where he is going anymore. This was in response to a big, green parking violation sticker he’s got on one of his car’s side windows and tried to peel off (those stickers purposely have the hardest sticky stuff to remove). She went to tell me that her husband, Mr SportsOrNothing, although no longer working out of town as often as his last job required of him, won’t disciple their son. Also and if you remember, the car here was a birthday gift to both the SportsOrNothing twin children. Apparently, because the son is always taking the car and not telling anyone where and when he’s going, the daughter has been “given” the big SUV to drive. Thankfully, she’s a lot more responsible. Or at least she used to be. I saw her last weekend, loading up a sleeping bag and stuff into the SUV and boy, through all the makeup she’s recently discovered, I barely recognized her.

Over at the BaseballTeam’s house, you won’t be seeing any holiday decorations there. They are highly religious and don’t believe in them. Like they don’t exist or something. Last year, I witnessed one of the countless toddlers over there (after 8 kids and counting, a person can easily lose track of one versus another), asked his mother loudly why they didn’t have christmas lights. I didn’t hear the reply but the kid was pulled harshly into the house with the rest of the screaming children. They don’t believe in air conditioning either so most of the windows are left open most of the time, allowing the rest of the neighborhood to enjoy their noise. Finally, a few days before christmas, Ms SportsOrNothing took over a old tabletop, optical fiber light tree and asked if they wanted to use it. They did and we all got to see this tacky thing turning bright red, blue and a sickly green from their front window for a week. That is, when the American flag they have flapping out there by one nail since 9-11 wasn’t blocking the view.

The Blinders shocked everyone this year by foregoing their usual “eat at Joes!” blinking, huge, colored bulb display. They finally been transformed, or maybe intimidated, into putting up small white lights like most of the rest of us. Unfortunately, they strung them up by looping them over things like corners of their windows, front railings, and the row of half moldy and collapsed pumpkins from Halloween. If we’re lucky, they won’t remember the lights are out there and we’ll get to look at them all next summer.

DrunkTank Willie and Leona Helmsley are working furiously to get their house in shape for the upcoming holiday neighborhood party in 2 weeks. They generally wait until the very last minute to do anything, especially when it comes to doing any actual cleaning inside. Every year at the neighborhood party, everyone is greeted with laundry on the couches and sinks full of dirty, smelly dishes. Have I mentioned that Leona doesn’t work outside of the home? No? Well, we all know how the time flies while out shopping. Every. Single. Day. And DrunkTank Willie? Naw, he’d rather by boiled alive than to lift a finger to help out. Besides, he’s usually working out in the garage, sawing or drilling loudly away on something, half-drunk, creating something, anything to make the inside of their small, junk-laden house better than everyone else’s. Maybe this year, we’ll get to see an actual FINISHED project.

Taliban Dan & the Smokin’ Clan has been fairly quite in months. The oldest son has moved back home. Taliban Dan is still out of work unfortunately, and I can tell his self esteem is low just by looking at him. Hair constantly disheveled, wearing ripped up looking clothing like he doesn’t care, driving his kids to and from school in the soccer van. I so wanted them to participate in the neighborhood holiday party this year if for nothing else, for the party’s great networking aspect. Since he’s the last family to move into the development, he hasn’t said 10 words to anyone, even when asked to, and no one knows anything at all about them. All attempts by me to talk to them have just returned stares and closed doors. Oh well. No one can force someone to open up. I know I’ve tried for years with WS but at least WS is friendly when talked to.

ToyBoy has been very, very quiet lately. No attempts to “fly” his remote control helicopter in months. I’m sure this will all come to a screeching halt on christmas day. Maybe his wife bought him “flying” lessons. Maybe even hired a fence repairer too.

All in all, the neighborhood has been fairly quiet over the past 2 months. 2 weeks from tonight, 20 households (out of the 78 here) will get together at each other’s homes for a half hour each of chatting, gossiping, checking for home improvements and uninprovements, laughing, drinking, stumbling, and then DrunkTank Willie will insult someone and end up sleeping overnight in someone’s bathtub, unless he gets out his ATV and nearly kills someone again first. This is the 4th year for this annual event and no one is more surprised than us that it hasn’t fallen by the wayside by now. Still, it’s fun to talk to neighbors we haven’t seen much of over the past year and see how the evening ends as well as hear all the gossip everyone spreads and has spread about us too. Look for the Cast of Characters neighborhood party update in 2 weeks.

12/09/2002

In the Positive column: I love Mondays…especially when I only have to work 2 days in the week. Yeah, next week will be the same. Work Monday and Tuesday, then time off. wOOT!

This week will be extremely busy for me. Work today and tomorrow blah, blah, blah, nothing new there, but Wednesday, I’ll take WS to work in his car, then head south 40 miles into another state to buy specialty food items at a big gourmet store for the first party over here of the holiday season Thursday night. Actually, it’s supposed to be a car club board meeting but because it’s December, it’ll be more of a fun get together with a little club business thrown in. I’m just hoping FatHead doesn’t get a wild hair and decide to show up out of the blue to harass WS. It always seems that the only time that dork comes over here is around christmas and then just to show off some new toy he got himself for an early gift. I guess this will be a test to see if he’s discovered this journal or not. Remember, this place is supposed to be a secret.

95% of the house is in shape for visitors. Still to do is set up last buffet table (Thursday afternoon), rinse plastic chairs, bring inside, and iron slipcovers, Swiffer floors, damp-wipe everything, move cat box into cat room, leather condition library chairs, wipe paw printed wall areas, and CLEAN THIS OFFICE! (it’s a disaster yet again).

In the Negative column: Friday afternoon, at 3:15, one of the company CEOs asked me for some information she assumed we had handy. Surprise! We don’t and anything we might have, I don’t have access to. Too bad for me as I was within an hour of quitting work. So I had to work on it over the weekend, unpaid, of course, and I couldn’t do anything anyway because not only do I not have access, because I work remote, my connection to gather any information like this gets timed out. So I replied with all this and got the 3rd degree about how she NEEDED this information to improve the company’s credibility with another bigger company. Excuse me? She’s got more access than I, a mere peon, has, not to mention she’s the one who set up how each of us can gather information for reports. Then MsNoManagementSkills stepped in and questioned how I was going about trying to gather the information, ending with basically, “However you are doing it, you’re doing it wrong!”, her usual response to anything I try to do with her knowledge. So I’m stuck on this project for a while and can’t really go any further until I hear back from the CEO. To make matters work, MrSmartButFakingIt is on a vacation that no one knew about. To another country. He doesn’t get back until sometime tomorrow. And I probably don’t have to remind you that I’m off work after tomorrow, but I’ll bet I have to mention it to MsNoManagementSkills and the CEO right about the same time the brown stuff hits the fan.

In the Positive column: next week, WS and I fly to company headquarters with MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead. What will make this a positive instead of a negative is that WS is coming along this time. He’s been completely briefed on all the kinds of crap these 2 pull on business trips, from rescheduling later departure times for me and not telling me until we’re all at the airport, to taking over all the driving – meaning I’m on their time schedule and have to go along to everywhere they want to go when not at company headquarters as well as take my life in my hands because they are HORRIBLE drivers and purposely do things to “scare” each other while driving, to aggressively intimidating co-workers in the head office and generally making all kinds of idiotic, egotistical statements in attempts to make themselves seem bigger and more important than anyone – including loudly telling the CEOs to their faces why they should be paid a lot more than they already make and why they should be the ONLY remote people working for this company. Thank god, I don’t have to listen to all this alone this trip. My hopes are that either MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead are on their best behaviour and actually keep quiet or that they perform as usual and WS gets to see their crap firsthand.

Also in the Positive column: MsNoManagementSkills, who claimed to want to lose weight before the company trip over a month ago, has told her weight-loss group to go fuck themselves since she couldn’t stick to the diet. I had the shock of my life to see her in full on her Web Cam over the weekend and my GOD! Okay, I haven’t seen her in person in over 8 months, but sweet jesus in a beaded handbag! She’s like 2 people now. While I haven’t been following Atkins’ to the letter over the past week, I have been keeping the calories down and staying fairly physical. I don’t think I’ll feel too badly about how I look next week compared to her. Not that she won’t say something negative about me anyway; I’ll know I’m okay.

WS and I both got our hairs cut over the weekend and I colored my hair the usual red-ish color for the holidays. Looks nice and more professional and just in time for parties, visitors, and the company trip. I really am feeling good about myself this year!

12/10/2002

In the Negative column: I have a confession to make. I hate reclining chairs, also known as Barca-loungers, lounge chairs, and Lazy Boy chairs. Personally, and I repeat PERSONALLY, I think they are tacky and for me, again personally, brings up visions of beer bellied, farting slobs vegging out in front of a TV watching shows like The Beverly Hillbillies and Married with Children, but only because that was the vision of my mother and mother-in-law. So imagine my horror to see a company on TV (while sitting at my office chair and working – not any reclining here) pushing mini recliners for children. What is this teaching children? Tackiness, for starters. And yes, I realize that LOTS of people like recliners and have them. God help them all.

In the Positive column: The company I work for just sent out an email on a serious security issue they just discovered. It seems that some remote working employees have installed and are regularly using Instant Messaging programs and are leaking secret information about the software our company creates. Hmmm….who do you think is using these programs? Well, I know for a fact that MsNoManagementSkills has at least 3 different IM programs installed and has them all running throughout her workday. FatHead has at least 1 running when he works as well. Neither WS or I have ever been able to run any IM programs because A) they seem to suck all the resources from our badly outdated computers, and B) most of the IM programs install some other kind of spyware on your system that sucks resources. After reading this company email, MsNoManagementSkills isn’t updating her journal as often. Gee. Like we like to read all about how incompetent “her people” are and how much she’s “all about the glitter” every 2 hours.

In the Negative column: Today is d-r-a-g-g-g-g-g-i-n-g b-b-y-y-y-y. I swear a few minutes ago I looked at the clock and it said 2:50 pm. Now it says 1:35 pm. Everyone is piling work on me again and yet again, no one remembers I’m going on vacation in a few hours. Do you think I’m going to remind them like I did 2 weeks ago? What? And get piled with even MORE work that “MUST BE FINISHED BEFORE YOU LOG OFF!” Yeah, right. Only if I suddenly become an idiot…

12/13/2002

In the Positive column: 1 party down, 3 more to throw plus one business trip to get through next week. The car club party over here last night was a hit. Of course, we got the snub by some people whom we overheard earlier that didn’t think they wanted to come but we know everyone who did show up will talk nothing but good stuff about our place and the party. One of the snubbers was Doormat Dick’s wife, the ex-club newsletter and now kindergarten-looking website control freak. When asked where she was, Doormat Dick just mumbled something about how she couldn’t be bothered and having other stuff to do. Something tells me she’ll never grace these halls now and we couldn’t be more pleased about it.

After working on some of the more tough cleaning jobs until the wee hours of Thursday morning, I slept a few hours and then got up at 9:30 am to get back to cleaning. Since we’re throwing several parties in a relatively short period of time, I decided to clean quite literally, every square foot of this house from top to bottom, saving myself hours of scrubbing and cleaning later on in the month. I’m sure the work will pay off but last night, after everyone had left, and after we cleaned up that mess, my lower legs were aching badly and my feet were downright painful to walk on. Even today, my lower legs are still slightly throbbing. That’s what hardwood floors do to a person I guess. But the place was sparkling!

In the Negative column: In checking my email (yes, I swore I wasn’t going to before I go back to work next Monday), to see if anyone coming to last night’s party needed directions or a phone number, I scanned through all my work email. And sure enough, I’ve got a couple of projects lined up for me by MrSmartButFakingIt, who doesn’t remember that I’m on vacation this week. No, I won’t be answering him until next week, too late really for his taste, but hey, he went on vacation last week, to another country, and didn’t tell anyone either, especially me who needed some important information for the last project someone dumped on me over Thanksgiving.

In the Positive column: Today is wonderful. It’s finally raining here, although not cold like it should be this time of year. I have today entirely to myself and have been lounging around, watching TV, opening FedEx packages that contain stuff for the New Year’s Eve party, and being as lazy as an unrelaxable, organization-freak can be. I’m forcing myself to take in the beauty of the weather outside, the decorations inside, and the thoughts of still having 2 and a half more days off. Sweet!

Tuesday afternoon, I tried to post the picture of our raccoon visitor but this place didn’t like it one bit. In fact, my page here wouldn’t load correctly for several hours after I removed the pic link (uploaded to my ISP web page). I’ll work on trying it again today. In the meantime, the raccoon was back at 6:10 am this morning. Unfortunately, I scared him off but I’ll be more careful next time so I can sit and watch him for a while.

12/15/2002

In the Positive column: 2 parties down, 2 more to go plus that business trip next week.

In the Negative column: I am burnt out on holiday parties already. In stark contrast to Thursday night’s party, last night’s get together didn’t go so well, starting from when people started showing up 45 minutes early and while WS and I were still wearing sloppy clothes and only halfway through putting out food and munchies and ended with only one couple staying late and talking our ears off about their pets. To make matters worse, WS caught someone’s cold at the Thursday night party and had to take cold medicine to get through the evening, probably passing it on to others including myself. Just what I want to do: fly to a multiple day business trip next week with a raging cold.

Several of the people who showed up had told us they wanted to watch the newly released Austin Powers movie over here since we had it, but within a half an hour, those couples left saying they had to get home. I don’t know what was up with that. Several others who also expressed interest in watching the movie didn’t even show up which was okay with me, especially at the time: I was a sweaty mess from trying to get things cleaned up and food out while trying to greet people. As I type this, an hour after that last couple, the Bleeding Ears couple, left, my hair is still damp with sweat. Gross, huh? Well, at least I didn’t drip sweat into anyone’s drink.

What really made this party crappy was that we specifically bought lots of food, mainly for those very couple who either left after half an hour or didn’t show up at all because we were promised that they would be HUNGRY. Everyone else basically stood around chatting and barely nibbled on things. So we’ve got a ton of food left, none of which can be frozen, and an upcoming business trip out of town for several days. If we don’t get rid of this food before we leave early Wednesday morning, we’ll come home to a moldy, smelly refrigerator. Usually, WS is the food disposal around here; He’ll eat nearly anything and everything, but with a cold, there’s no way he can eat this much. Although I had no idea this party would turn out like this, I feel like a wasteful idiot for buying all this stuff. Let the eating begin, I guess.

So what we had here was 1 person doped up on cold medication with a runny nose, 1 person with sweat-soaked hair trying to greet people and create meat, cheese, fruit and vegie trays at the same time, and more leftover food than you could shake a stick at.

And next Saturday, it starts all over again. I wonder if it’s too late to cancel out of throwing next week’s party? (yes) I’m exhausted!

In the Positive column: I get to sleep in this morning. Just to make sure I do, I’m thinking of taking one of those over-the-counter sleep aid pills I bought a few months ago. And thank goodness we don’t have any other company coming over for a while. Remind me not to do this next holiday season, okay?

12/16/2002

In the Positive column: I’m ready for the business trip to company headquarters and I have yet to catch WS’s cold.

In the Negative column: WS still has his cold and had a discussion today with me on not going on the trip. I think us not going would be career suicide for this job at this point. And I’m not going alone this time.

In the Positive column: MsNoManagementSkills has also come down with a cold. Thankfully, we don’t sit anywhere near her on the plane and WS is renting his own car. No riding with her or FatHead and risking both our lives and our health.

In the Negative column: Still, she’s on the same plane as me. We’re in the middle of some rather nasty colds and viruses in this area and something tells me, easily a solid quarter of all the people flying on that plane Wednesday morning will be carrying something other than their carry on luggage.

In the Positive column: Even with going to company headquarters for 3 days of “work”, after tomorrow, it will be like I’m on vacation and I am very excited. I’m also taking lots of precautions against getting sick. Zinc, lots of water with lime juice mixed in, my own killer chicken/veggie soup, cleaning and wiping down EVERYTHING constantly, making sure fresh air is wafting through the house. I just refuse to get sick so I just won’t.

Today, all the rest of the online stuff I bought last month was delivered. I was convinced that stuff would be delivered when we’re out of town and the pet sitter wouldn’t have a clue to bring it in (yet, she’s very good with the pets….hmmmm). Now I don’t have to worry about it.

Tomorrow, although a full 8-hour workday, will be crammed full of packing, cleaning, and errand running. WS will be going out for extra pet food, laundry soap, and cash for the trip. I’ll probably go get us some extra spicy red curry chicken to help knock the cold out of WS and to further protect me against getting it. So many things to remember: Set the TiVo thing to record 3 hours of Survivor finale, unplug stuff that probably shouldn’t be plugged in anyway, run my car for a while then lock it back up, verify the car service and alarm company, verify the vet in case of emergency pet stuff, print out maps of restaurants in the area of company headquarters and check the weather forecast there, put together a company packette for stuff I need answers for, and find our flight info. If this trip is like all the other ones I have taken for this company, we will call the airport tomorrow and they will have absolutely no record of our flight information, the car rental place will never heard of us or the company, and the motel we’re staying at will never heard of us either. You see, the company is run by cheapskates basically. They will tell us (and send us) information on our trip, but then either they get cancelled or changed or something and nothing is bought in advance. Which means we all scamble in the wee hours of the morning of the flight trying to get seats on something going in the general direction, then stand around for hours trying to get a rental car, then call from headquarters to get a room closeby. While this is all going on, MsNoManagementSkills has to double up on her medication, making her useless when it comes to needing any information from her, mainly company secretary phone numbers, and in the end, we all pay for our own stuff, then get reimbursed later. Often, much, much later. Like months later. I think the company still owes me around $100 for a trip I took for them 3 years ago but since we all know I don’t exactly put my nose to grindstone 24/7, I’ve mostly forgotten about it and won’t hold it against them. Luckily, WS is going this time and he’s the one who’s promised to take care of any of this crap this time around. WS is one of those kinds of people who is able to get things done, with little to no trouble, whenever something frantic such as no airline tickets or no motel/hotel vacancy issues come up. He’s really handy to have around.

In the Negative column: Do I really expect this business trip will secure my place at this company? No. Do I expect any work to get done while we’re down there? No. Do I think any of the countless meetings we’ll all be in will result in anything productive? Heck no!

In the Positive column: Do I really care? Not in the least. It’s not like we’re working toward world peace here or anything. It’s the software business. Anything we do during this week will all be forgotten about in 6 months or less. When I keep that in mind, the world looks all that much better.

12/17/2002

The short version:

In the Negative column: WS = bad cold.

In the Positive column: I’m fine.

In the Negative column: MsNoManagementSkills micro-managing agenda and found “incompetence and what an annoying voice!

In the Positive column: Glad I filled in WS last week on this bad company trip behaviour.

In the Negative column: Ex-coworker, BikerDude, house sitter for the FatHeads and software installer.

In the Positive column: Holiday vacation coming.

The long version:

In the Negative column: I swear WS is dying from his cold. Overnight, he sounded great to me and I expected him to get up this morning feeling great. No dice. His nose is dripping constantly and he truly looks like death warmed over. I finally had to tell him to go back to bed to prevent him from breathing all over me. He’s also taken today off from work, at both jobs. Less than 24 hours from now, we’re supposed to be at company headquarters a few thousand miles away. With his cold, this ought be a real adventure!

In the Positive column: I still feel great. No sniffles, no sore throat. Nothing.

In the Negative column: At this morning’s company conference call, we learned that MsNoManagementSkills has planned out and is going to micro-manage all our business trip activities right down to each and every fucking minute. This includes having to eat once at her favorite restaurant which is remarkably similar to a Denny’s. Mandatory attendance. I’ve just received her agenda and no, there are no bathroom trips scheduled. No eating anywhere else because “her budget won’t allow it.”

Also, during this morning’s company conference call, MsNoManagementSkills pointed out “incompetence” in a couple of co-workers to everyone else. One of them was me because she “couldn’t hear me.” Normally, I would think “GOOD GRIEF! GET OVER YOURSELF, WOMAN!” but then I remember that she’s getting ready for the business trip too and this is just one of the many conniption fits she’ll be having this week. Either her meds haven’t kicked in yet this morning or she’s over-medicating again.

A few months ago, a now ex-coworker of ours left the company after trying to hold us all hostage in return for a bigger raise. The company didn’t budge and finally, after 6+ months of listening to him bad mouth everyone, he did actually leave. You may remember me talking about him, BikerDude. He and MsNoManagementSkills were having a torrid affair either with or without the knowledge or approval of FatHead, MsNoManagementSkills’s husband and coworker. BikerDude swore he had a job, apartment, and lots of bucks lined up for him when he left but it all turned out to be a lie.

After months of living back with his parents, MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead have hired BikerDude to play house sitter for them while on the business trip. It’s possible that BikerDude will try to install software on MsNoManagementSkills’s computer so she and FatHead can try to hack through coworkers firewalls remotely and view what’s going on at any given time on anyone’s desktop. This is something BikerDude talked about trying to do for years when working with all of us. His strong desire for accomplishing this was fueled by MrSmartButFakingIt who also loves this kind of crap. I think BikerDude still thinks that our company may consider hiring him back as a sort of consultant if he can prove he can do this successfully. Yet another excuse for me to leave this job when and if it comes to play.

Also, I find that listening to MsNoManagementSkills’ voice severely grates on my nerves. Thank god I don’t work in an office with her and only usually have to listen to her over the phone. Every sentence ends with an uplifted word. No, this is not her usual speech pattern but something she does when she’s trying to sound “cute.” Or at least, that’s what FatHead told us originally attracted him to her. Now, he says, it grates in his nerves too because nothing is cute about a balding, 200+ pound woman who pops anti-anxiety pills every 2 hours. His words, not mine.

In the Positive column: Friday evening, our holiday vacation begins. Party number 3 Saturday night, the neighborhood affair, then we’re free from any obligations until New Year’s Eve. We plan on sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating some more, uh…probably sleeping even more, reading, watching TV, sleeping, losing track of days maybe even, sleeping a bit more. Of course, I’ll be reading everyone else’s journals and posting here too. Can’t live completely without this place.

12/18/2002

In a few short hours, the car will be here to take us to the airport. WS’s cold has calmed down a bit over the afternoon and he thinks he’ll be okay on the flight. We’re packed, the house is clean, and we’re spending quality time with our pets now before trying to catch some sleep.

Thank you to everyone who has wished us a good, safe trip. We’ll be back before you know it and if at all possible and if I can find a secure computer, I’ll post from company headquarters.

In the meantime, have a good week!

12/25/2002

Q: What is B wearing?
A: A smart and sassy rosy-pink Chanel suit with accompanying Gucci handbag! Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch. I’m wearing my usual black docker-style shorts and ratty purple sweatshirt with white socks.

Q: What kind of mood is B in and why?
A: I’m very apologetic for taking so long to write here and not at all happy with myself but it’s for a reasonably decent reason – I’ve got THE cold.

Q: What is important to B at this exact moment?
A: Catching up here in 500 words or less.

In the Positive column: It’s Christmas day and I hope all of you are having a great holiday! I know I am because I’m on vacation, the house is relatively clean, and I restrained myself from killing MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead over our business trip together.

In the Negative column: I’ve got THE cold from hell. I was just fine until the 3rd and last day of the business trip when it hit me. The flight home was full of very sick-sounding people so it’s no wonder I’ve got it. The strange thing is, only the right side of my sinuses, eye and tear duct, ear, and throat seem to be affected. To make matters worse, I have a ton of zits that popped out on my right cheek and forehead as well. Odd.

In the Positive column: I feel much better today than over the last few days so I’m on the recovery side and still have a week and a half of vacation left.

The business trip: WS and I were able to upgrade our flight to company headquarters to first class. MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead were nowhere to be found that early Wednesday morning. It turned out that she HAD to go out to breakfast before arriving at the airport, making them nearly miss the flight. And oh, my GOD! This was the very first time I had seen her and knew my body size was smaller. All those years of hearing her whisper behind my back about my body size and for the first time ever, I was the smaller. Amazing. I was also very glad I had gotten my hairs cut in a kind of stylish, not-at-all-like-me fashion last week and had packed nice, comfortable yet business-like clothing, also not at all like me. I almost felt sorry for MsNoManagementSkills, seeing her hair oily-looking with a now-badly receding hairline, oily, pimply face, neck, and arms, wearing a muumuu that did little to cover huge rolls of stomach and back flesh. The jeans she wore later in the week didn’t look any better and I was shocked to see once when she stretched her arms overhead in a meeting that she was holding her pants waistband together, not with the zipper and button, but with a chain of 4 or 5 very large safety pins. How she got those through airport security, I haven’t a clue. We all had breakfast on the flight, making it her 2nd that morning and as soon as we touched down, I could hear her talking about nothing but her need to have lunch. Maybe she’s eating for 2? Scary thought, since I vowed to put in my resignation on the spot the moment she announcing her first pregnancy.

As soon as we got to the rental car agency, FatHead announced he’d be doing all the driving. “Fine,” replied WS as he walked up to his own agent and picked up his own pre-arranged car rental. From that moment on, it was war. Neither FatHead or MsNoManagmentSkills was happy in the least. We were spoiling their plans for complete trip control! And it was exactly what I knew would happen. So, when we got our cars and started to head off to company headquarters, saying “See you there!”, FatHead hesitated, paused, hesitated some more and finally admitted he had no idea where company headquarters was. MsNoManagementSkills was no help even for all the trips she makes there every year. She refuses to drive on trips and could tell him where he was supposed to go. Again, exactly as I expected so I whipped out a copy of a Yahoo! map I printed out days before and gave it to them. It was then that they both admitted they couldn’t read maps and had to follow us. To FatHead’s credit, he didn’t lag behind on the trip to headquarters and later admitted that his wife, MsNoManagementSkills yelled at him most of the way for driving “crazy” and too fast. We never went over the speed limit.

What we didn’t know for certain was that MsNoManagementSkills had pre-arranged ALL our meals to suit her taste. Wednesday night, she insisted that the company CEOs take her and FatHead out for fondue (how 70′s!) and drag us along. We had no voice in the matter. Again, we went in our own car while they rode with the company CEOs in their huge SUV. Later we learned that they pressured the CEOs on pay raise issues and the problems with coworkers they deemed as “non-team players.” No word yet if the CEOs were moved to do anything different. As for the fondue place, please. If anyone invites you to visit a place called Fondue Palace, run screaming the opposite direction. It was the worst food, questionably safe to eat, the absolute worst service on the planet, and I don’t even have to tell you about the company. Miserable is the best we could describe the whole evening. The next day, pizza again for lunch per MsNoManagementSkills request, and again, we got no choice in the matter other than to not eat any which is what we chose to do for the second day in a row, then, after hours upon hours of meetings, it was out to a super video game playing place for dinner. Everyone else down at company headquarters wanted to go rock-climbing or go-cart racing or something physical together, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She wouldn’t even entertain the idea of the whole company going to the movies together. Nope, she wanted fried jo-jos at this game place so that’s where we all went. We spent a good 4 hours there that evening, watching each other play video games, except her, during which WS and I saw her eat 2 huge dinners, one when we first arrived and one before we all left at midnight. Friday wasn’t any different. Breakfast for her at the motel, then more breakfast at company headquarters, then delivered lunch, followed by her insistence that we all go to her favorite restaurant, the Denny’s-like place, after the final set of meetings in the afternoon. WS had already had enough of this crap the previous night and refused to go along. To our surprise, MrSmartButFakingIt also refused so we three went somewhere else up the street and had a good time.

All in all, the business part of the trip went well. WS and I were well received and listened to as well as invited to sit in on several department meetings. We went prepared and was able to contribute information that was also well received. At 2 of the meetings, WS was asked to take over the meeting, giving everyone the chance to see our department’s view of things. Both times, glancing over at MsNoManagementSkills and FatHead, anyone could clearly see that they were not at all amused. In fact, during no time, at any meeting on any day, were either FatHead or MsNoManagementSkills asked to lead a meeting or asked for information. At one tense point and after some mild confusion as to who we all were, one of the CEOs pointedly informed everyone who we all were and exactly whom we all worked under. It turns out neither me nor WS officially work under MsNoManagementSkills any longer, much to both our and her surprise! Score 1 for us!

Friday evening, we were more than ready to head home. We weren’t able to upgrade our flight again to first class but we expected this and were okay with it. FatHead was surprised, however, and spent an hour teasing us about the inability to do so, much like a bully would tease nerdy child. WS never gave him the time of day, having already had enough of him and his wife by now. We sat rows and rows apart on the plane and never said another word to either of them, wasting no time getting off the plane after landing and getting to our car. After all, we were technically on vacation at that point and didn’t need someone picking on us for that too.

Reading MsNoManagementSkills Online Journal later, she claimed to have not eaten much of anything the entire trip but feeling so bloated. She also said she was delighted to get back home so as to be near her stash of candy, especially her gummi bears and Reese’s pieces. Oh, and that her trip wasn’t fun.

Awwww….I’m all broke up…

Merry Christmas, everyone! Again, I’m sorry for the long absence and thank you for reading.

12/27/2002

In the Negative column: Remember when I said I was on the downside of that cold? Well, I wasn’t and it wasn’t a cold. I’ve got the flu.

In the Positive column: Welcome to B’s Flu Induced Lose 10-pounds-and-4-inches-Off-Your-Waist Diet. Guaranteed to work in just 3 days! Get out your credit cards! Operators are standing by!

I’m definitely on the downside of it now. In fact, this afternoon, I just decided I’d had enough of this crap and if I talked myself into feeling better, I would. And hours later, I do feel pretty darn good. WS told me I’m the strongest woman he’s ever known to think this way and hearing that makes me believe I can just be finished with this bout of the flu that much sooner. Of course, we all know there are lots of strong women in the world who could have done this much sooner. I keep telling him he really needs to start reading some of your journal entries…

Still, I feel like I lost several days of my life including Christmas day, not that we do anything different on Christmas day as any other day. If you’ve read here for a while now, you know that we don’t do the Christmas gift thing. We celebrate Christmas year around or at least whenever we see something we want badly enough (within financial reason), we just buy it then. None of this waiting around for a holiday hoping that someone else will buy us that one perfect thing we want, when usually that isn’t what happens especially when you specifically tell that someone exactly what make, model, and cost of that one perfect thing. Sure, around Christmas, I sometimes get depressed that I don’t get anything specifically for Christmas, but 99.9% of the time that’s only because I’m watching too much TV and get sucked into the TV commercialism hype to go buy, buy, BUY and then GIVE! Nope, I prefer it better our way. We don’t need a holiday for an excuse to buy something for ourselves or each other. Still, the atmosphere out in the real world has a kind of expectant feel to it, like the feeling that not all the presents were opened yet or something. It’s probably just me but something in the air feels different.

In the Negative column: So last Saturday night, less than 24 hours after coming back from the business trip, we participated in our neighborhood’s holiday progressive party. Because we were both exhausted and I was already suffering from a scratchy throat, we were only a half an hour late in getting started, and then forgot several decorating items we usually put out on display, but all in all, it went fairly well, considering this yearly event probably won’t be continuing after this year’s. Attendance was at it’s lowest ever, the event date was changed at the last minute to accommodate the event coordinator’s personal schedule – something that DID NOT go over well with anyone – and general all around interest was poor. We noticed that most of the people participating this year were vastly different from any year previous, most of whom were either the “LET’S TALK BABIES!” bunch or the “I’m rich and a pretentious S-N-O-B” group. Absolutely no warmth or holiday cheer could be found anywhere this year unless you were either one of those who bragged about being first in line at the local Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving to buy yet another plastic Fisher-Price club house for your children so that every room in your house has at least one, or who talked about nothing but turning your entire living room ceiling into a 110+ inch screen for your new projection TV unit. We tried hard but could find no common ground with anyone, including the drunk guy who lives on the other end of the development, who loved our bottle of Crown Royal and then latched onto us for the final 2 hours.

But the good news was that apparently no one stole anything from our house, a reported problem in other homes over the years, we didn’t have much clean up to do after everyone had moved on to the next home in the chain, and we didn’t witness anyone throwing up or sleeping in anyone’s bathtub, both things that we did witness in previous years. And if it did happen after we left the last house at 1 am, we don’t need to hear about it. We did see enough bad Karaoke singing though to last us a lifetime.

So, 3 parties, 1 business trip 1 bad cold, and 1 case of the flu down, one after-dinner New Year’s Eve party to go. After that we go back to being our usual, anti-social asshole selves. Remind me NEVER to commit to doing this much social stuff in this short time span again. Just shout me a comment or send me an email and tell me “DON’T DO IT!” I’ll listen. Really.

In other news, WS has slept on the couch for the past 2 nights so I don’t spread flu germs to him, giving me the entire bedroom to myself, and it looks like it’s worked. He also kept the rest of the house looking wonderful. I didn’t have to get up and instantly start cleaning. I didn’t have to lift a finger today! I really do love him for stuff like this.

If you’ve been watching the TV news here in the U.S. you’d know that I didn’t win the $315 million Powerball lottery drawing for Christmas but I did help that millionaire in West Virginia dedicate 10 percent of his winnings to his church (WHAT IS HE THINKING?!?!?) by contributing 5 bucks. If anything could have helped me get over the flu, winning that would have. Hell, I could pay someone else to have to flu for me.

MsNoManagementSkills got a diamond bracelet from her husband FatHead after he told her she wasn’t getting anything. The catch? She has to have resized to fit her “fat wrist” (his words, not mine) and she has to buy some exercise equipment. I don’t know what is going on with that but you can bet I’ll mention it if it’s anything good or anything that affects my job. I cringe at the thought of her going on yet another diet. She gets so terribly bitchy when she does and takes it out on all the rest of us.

Thanks again for reading and for all your kind “get well soon” emails. I really appreciate it!

12/28/2002

In the Negative column: It’s Saturday ALREADY??!!?? I gotta stop getting sick for days on end…

In the Positive column: Remember that long lost relative trying to get in touch with me over the death of someone related and that letter they finally got to me weeks ago that I had to reply to with correct answers to the 20 questions in it, proving I was the right person they were looking for? Well, I got something back so I guess I passed the 20 question test. A certified letter. Addressed to my old married name. Which really meant that with my current name, 13 years now my current name, I couldn’t collect the certified letter. Unless I had ID that had my old married name, the only last name my relatives know and my picture on it showing who I was. Now I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t expect anyone, after nearly 15 years of divorce and a bad divorce it was too plus 10 years of living on my own, that anyone would voluntarily still have anything, anything at all, with that mean and horrible ex-spouse’s last name on it? Well, perhaps not sane people but luckily for me, I save all that crap because you never know when I might need it for something….like target practice or something. So a trip back home to collect a rather ugly but thinner-looking picture of me with THAT last name and I get to go past go, sign for a certified letter using THAT last name, and collect the stupid certified letter from someone I really care less about.

In the Negative column: In the letter was the typical mumbo-jumbo badly photocopied copies of a will and probate stuff…blah, blah, blah…I’ve seen all to much of this stuff in dealing with my parent’s deaths. Also included was a smarmy 3 page typed out letter full of “wonderful” stuff like, “No, I can’t not tell your other family members your address provided so I will be,” (thank GOD I only provided a PO Box and not even my real one), and other stuff like, “…your sister continues to be unemployed but she wants you to know she is a good pool player and is ‘ranked’ in the sport…” (yeah, last I heard she was rank, alright), “…your brothers continue to be in and out of trouble but we all do stupid things…” (uh…speak for yourself, pal) and then most pathetic back-patting I’ve heard since my ex-husband and my sister “explained” why they had to sleep together repeatedly “…I bent over backwards to take your grandfather to the doctor sometimes up to 4 times a week, changing his underwear and cleaning him up, feeding him and reading him bible stories…” (my family is about as religious as Satan himself, especially THIS relative), and then they go on to say, “Your grandfather wanted to leave everything to anyone who was left, but being as he was 92 years old, there isn’t much left. His final will asks that $1,000 go to each of us but remember who took care of him to his final day, who nursed him, and tried to get him to enroll in a hospice program…”

Okay, so I’m supposed to let this relative have my thousand dollars? To pay for the inconvenience of taking care of my grandfather? The very grandfather who disowned me and my siblings after the death of my father back in 1975 because “your father never wanted any of you kids anyway?” The very grandfather who horribly abused his own sons thus teaching them to abuse their own children? The very grandfather who knew that his son raped his first born daughter and helped him and his family out of town to avoid any potential scandal?

Oh, yeah, sure, I’ll hand you back the thousan…..er…wait a minute….didn’t you say we all do stupid things? Yeah, well, I’m doing a stupid thing. Gimme the fricken’ money. I’ll take it as partial payment for what was done to me, then swept under the rug much like I was for the past 46 years. God knows this wouldn’t even begin to pay a therapist to undo what I’ve been through because of this one man.

Okay, so that’s what I want to say and that’s what most of my brain wants to think, but a small part of me wants to cut my losses and refuse any money. This dead grandfather didn’t like me and never wanted to know me. I didn’t particularly know him or like him either and maybe that’s a good reason to not accept anything now from him. I don’t feel altogether right taking money from someone just because I’m related. It’s not like we were related by choice.

Maybe I would feel differently if he never said all those bad things. Maybe I would feel differently if nothing bad had ever happened. Maybe I would feel differently if it were more than a thousand dollars, which really makes me disgusted with myself. Yes, I could use the money, but why do I feel it isn’t a gift, but that I’m being bought?

In the Positive column: Also mentioned in the letter, this relative was kind enough to tell me they couldn’t wait for a response and got antsy and hired a private investigator to find me anyway. While this may sound like a negative, it actually reminds me to always, ALWAYS pay attention to who’s around me, who may be watching me, and what I’m doing that may attract attention. Yep, I always knew if I lived long enough, life would get this fun.

12/31/2002

In the Positive column: New Year’s Eve looms…the house is spotless, WS is happy, the pets are happy, I barely have any remains of the flu left, and in 2 hours we leave to have a fancy, full-catered lobster and cavier dinner with some special car club people, then everyone heads over here for partying and ringing in the New Year. I’m looking forward to tonight as this is the final party we’re throwing and the last social event we’ll be attending until somewhere around March. I think some car thing is going on sometime in February but I’m “boycotting” that event. Besides, February is the middle of the rainy season here and I’m just not taking my car out. As it is, next month, I’ll begin that whole polish and wax ritual again, getting it ready for the car show season starting in April/May. Reminder to self: Order some more Zaino Z2 and pads.

In the Negative column: Oh, let’s just not have any negatives today. Or tomorrow. Happy New Year, everyone. Let’s hope for a safe and wonderful evening and the start to a great 2003.

And again, thank you for reading me over the past year. I really do appreciate it.