Five things I will never forget:

1. Feeding my sister crayons to shut her up, 1961
2. My sister cramming her nose with Trix cereal, 1965
3. My first trip to the beach, 1967
4. My first real crush, 1973
5. Winning my first legitimate car race, 1982

Five jobs I've held:

1. Butcher apprentice
2. Baker
3. Plant Party saleswoman
4. Marine iron works copy girl
5. Computer tech support

Five movies I could watch over and over:

1. Amadeus
2. Excalibur
3. Raiders of the Lost Ark
4. Raising Arizona
5. Black Widow

Five places I have been on vacation:

1. Greer, AZ
2. Yellowstone Park
3. Arkansas (it was more like torture than vacation though)
4. L.A.
5. Rocky Point, MX

Five websites I visit daily:

1. Various blogs listed on Blogeois.com
2. Blogeois.com
3. Cute Overload
4. Latest World Earthquakes site
5. Local news and weather

Five bad men:

1. Thomas G., Father, 1956-1975
2. Thomas G. Jr, Brother, 1988
3. Ron Clark, First Boss, 1973
4. Mr. Mulkey, 6th Grade Teacher, 1978
5. Scott P. Ex-next Door Neighbor, 2000

Five things I still don't get:

1. RSS
2. Cascading style sheets
3. Macho men
4. Owning birds
5. Jessica Simpson

Five weird trips:

1. Spending the night at the White Tanks with hashish, 1974
2. Styx concert with my first alcohol, Flagstaff, 1977
3. Spending the night on top of Paradise Hill with Jungle Juice, 1979
4. Van Halen concert in the upper deck enveloped in pot smoke, 1984
5. Canyon Lake with the last California Coolers on the market, 1984

Five stupid things I've done:

1. See Five weird trips list above, 1974-84
2. Rode my bike up a car transport truck ramp to impress G.R., 1969
3. Got caught TPing a friend's house, 1978
4. Didn't sue AZ for screwing up my driving record, 1982
5. Didn't sue Basha's Markets for sexual harassment, 1986

Five favorite foods:

1. Anything with El Pato Mexican Hot Sauce (a.k.a. Duck Sauce)
2. French Fries
3. Pizza but only cheese or with Pepperoni (you can keep all that other icky stuff)
4. Cheese fondue
5. Baskin-Robbins German Chocolate Cake ice cream

Five 1980's hair band tunes that have significant meaning to me:

1. Great White - Save Your Love
2. Heart - Alone
3. Van Halen - Running With The Devil
4. Def Leppard - Love Bites
5. Scorpions - Still Loving You

Five words I suspect have never been used to describe me:

1. White bread
2. Quiet
3. Bootylicious
4. Meek
5. Neutral

Five doorways I will never darken:

1. Wal-Mart
2. Hooters
3. Rave clubs
4. Churches
5. McDonalds

Five Things I wanted to be as a kid:

1. Circus Performer, 1961
2. Ballerina, 1964
3. Astronant, 1965
4. Geologist, 1967
5. Race Car Driver, 1970

Five favorite movie quotes:

1. "These aren't the droids you're looking for." - Star Wars
2. "Annal Nathrak Uthvos Bethod Dokya Deinvay" - Excalibur
3. "Bueller....Bueller.....Bueller" - Ferris Bueller's Day Off
4. "The lady will have the linguini with white clam sauce and a coke with no ice." - Fast Times At Ridgmont High
5. "You don't have any friends." - Two Towers

Five celebrities who would certainly call the cops on me if I were to show up in their pool:

1. Reggie Jackson
2. Paris Hilton
3. Brian Wilson
4. Madonna
5. Steve Jobs

Five things my mother consumed in vast quantities:

1. Chocolate Turtles
2. Ice Cream
3. Salem Menthol Cigarettes
4. Steak
5. Sauerkraut and Pork Roast

Five TV commercials that haunt me as an adult:

1. Wal-Mart commercials with the flying happy face
2. Prescription drug commercials with happy music playing while they state the potential side effects
3. Sleep country mattress commercials
4. Dental commercials for getting braces
5. HMO commercials featuring hugely pregnant women

Five odd things I worried about at one time or another:

1. That one of my legs was visibly longer than the other
2. That everyone could see that I forgot to wash behind my ears
3. That I would be homeless
4. That I had a bald spot
5. That I was growing a beard

Five songs I can never sit still to:

1. "I Ran (So Far Away)" - Flock of Seagulls
2. "Wild Side" - Motley Crue
3. "Driver's Seat" - Sniff and the Tears
4. "Danke Schoen" - Wayne Newton
5. "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" - Wang Chung

Five things I sometimes did when I was "technically" working:

1. Read in the bathroom
2. Sat outside and eavedropped on the neighbors, unintentionally
3. Watched Dr. Phil
4. Drove to a local Starbucks
5. Played computer games

Five things and what they should cost:

1. A Ferrari: $10,000
2. Admission to a first-run movie: $2.50
3. Crest White Strips: $5.00
4. Liver transplant if the patient has "spent their lives drinking their health away": $8 trillion
5. Computers: $100

Five bad names for companies:

1. Dumbass Construction (real business)
2. Tim's Carpet and Chinese Food (real business)
3. Dead Fred's Motor RVs
4. Killa's Guns'n'Ammo
5. Peggy Sue's Classic Cars (real business)

Five good things to call people when you forget their real names:

1. Toots
2. Bub
3. Chump
4. Hun'
5. Hey dog

Five things you will never witness:

1. Me wearing a thong swimsuit
2. Me saying the "N" word
3. Me driving with a cell phone in my ear
4. Me sporting natural, long fingernails
5. Me eating Chinese food

Five things you might want to reconsider:

1. Sending that Christmas family letter
2. Telling everyone how many centimeters you were dialated before delivery
3. Asking the traffic cop that pulled you over for speeding if he'd let you off if you gave him a Krispy Kreme donut coupon
4. Naming your kid "Britney"
5. Wearing that tube top

Five celebrities who wrote me back:

Five kinds of shoes I've had:

1. Classic Zoris with blue velveteen straps, 1978
2. Hand-flamed, slip-on Vans, 1983
3. White, high top Nikes, 1984
4. White, Stilleto boots, 1988
5. Black, skate DCs, 2003

Five good responses to solicitors:

1. "How dare you ask if I'd want a family portrait! I'm BLIND!" (actually used in 1986)
2. "I don't sin." (actually used in 1997)
3. "Hang on until the screaming in my head shuts up"
4. "Where do the goats and rutabagas come in?"
5. "No thanks. I can drink my own urine for free." (actually used in 2000)

Five things I'd like to teach the world this year:

1. To PAY ATTENTION
2. To stop at stop signs
3. To realize that rap is crap
4. To stay off the phone
5. To sing in perfect harmony, of course

Five things I only needed to try once:

1. Chinese food, 1980
2. Identifiy a dead person, 1986
3. Talked to Peter Billinglsy, 1989
4. Watched "Dogma", 2000
5. Sang for three straight hours in front of my ex-coworkers, 2001

Five free ill-advised giveaways before hockey night:

1. Hockey pucks
2. Silver dollars
3. Colostromy bags
4. Teddy bears
5. Hockey sticks

Five things I'd rather be doing right this moment:

1. Counting my millions in the bank (hey, I didn't say it was TRUTHFUL things I'd rather be doing...)
2. Walking on a beach
3. Eating and losing weight
4. Sleeping soundly anywhere without feeling sweaty
5. Reading in our library

Five places I'd rather be right this moment:

1. Greer, AZ
2. On a beach
3. Willcox House, Seabeck, WA
4. Sound asleep anywhere without feeling sweaty
5. In our library