I go by many names, none of which I like so for the time being, let's use the name "Otto".

I am a white, middle-aged woman living in the Pacific Northwest, having moved here from the desert southwest a few years ago. They say that for every year a person lives in the desert, seven years can be deducted from living in hell. Since I lived in the desert most of my life, I'm looking forward to a short, hot stay in hell. I love it here where things are green, wet and mossy. By all means, come and visit someday. Then, go back home.

Did I mention that I usually have a chip on my shoulder? No? Well, sorry about that.

I have no family that I will claim, other than that of my significant other, WS, who feels the same way about his family. No, we don't miss them. Ever.

Up until early 2005, I worked from home, online for a Company that was actually located several thousand miles away and treated their remote employees like crap. That Company was bought out by a huge corporation that gave the word "crap" a new meaning, and to make a long story short, I'm still recovering mentally and am currently unemployed.

WS decided a few years ago to have a house built. A house I wanted nothing to do with but one that I have come to enjoy. We have several pets and, unfortunately, none are bald. We vacuum daily.

I have an expensive sports car that I used to show at judged car shows all around the Pacific Northwest during the summer months. I did very well at this hobby but between the cost of car polish and gas, and with no job to pay for any of it, I decided to "retire" from car shows for a few years. I also have no life. At this point, I really wouldn't know what to do with one so I don't worry about it.

I enjoy watching birds in our backyard. I also enjoy watching the comings and goings of people in our neighborhood. A person can really learn a lot from observing the habits and interaction of their neighbors and my neighbors entertain me endlessly. Whether it be Cap't Dan behind us, The Dimmers next door, or one of the other entertaining families living nearby, something is usually going on around here. Check out the Cast of Characters list for a brief description of each.

Things you simply MUST know about me:

• I hate politics.
• I can't eat enough hot, spicy food.
• I believe in expecting the worst and secretly hoping for the best.
• I've met some rock stars in my life.
• At one time, I would have killed to look like a rock star's girlfriend.
• I hate my body.
• My love of Levi's 501 jeans is legendary.
• I have no true friends but like some people more than others.
• I can't wear glasses because I have a misshapen nose.
• I was bullied throughout my school years.
• I can cook anything.
• I fold my toilet paper.
• I haven't worn underwear since 1984.
• I plucked my significant other from the cradle if you listen to his mother.
• I once totaled a roommate's car and speed was involved.
• I once received an A on a pop essay in college and speed was involved.
• I am convinced that I have too many words in my head.
• I am the result of a blind date and once lived in a bath tub.
• I do not know my heritage.
• Growing up, I used to watch "The Big Valley" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show" religiously.
• I am not religious.
• My most treasured possesions growing up was my toothbrush and a box of baking soda.
• I am bitter.
• I will never forgive my parents.
• I think anti-depressants are a bad idea.
• All my neighbors say my life must suck and I could care less because I am now married to the smartest guy on the planet, except for that time back when I wanted him to teach me HTML.